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“Somebody! Stop her!”

Raven chanced a quick look behind her. Three… no, four… That’s not so many. She flashed the guards a crooked grin. Fools. You make it so easy. The brightly dressed guards shoved through the milling crowd as they rushed to intercept her. She ducked into the weavers’ tent, listening for the sound of heavy boots striking the cobblestone street. I know you’re out there. She drew her knife. There… The sound was unmistakable. She crouched at the back of the tent and waited, watching through the thin fabric as the guards came closer. Come on you fools.. Come on.. She waited until she could hear their breathing.

“Come out child! We only want what you took.”

Child. How Dare they. She hefted the knife in her right hand. You try living a day in my life and then we’ll see who you call child. Its razor edge cleanly parted the fabric of the tent.

Raven slipped through the open market, passing through the busy merchants hawking their wares. An old lady haggled with a baker, intent on swindling the poor man out of a few copper pieces. Neither the merchant nor the patron noticed missing loaf.

Shadows grew large as she made her way through the city, clutching the bag of coins against her side. The labyrinth of streets seemed to stretch on forever, but this was her home. Still, it was not safe even for her after dark.

She headed east towards the docks, avoiding the rancid water that spilled down the streets. Occasionally, a drunkard would stumble out of the many taverns that lined the way. Four more blocks and she would be safe, as long as she avoided Baron Achar. The purple bruise still throbbed from the last time she disappointed him. The portly man disgusted her. Still, he was the one who recruited her. One day, you will be the one who falls at my feet.

The docks were quiet. Too quiet.

...so on and so on...

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I’m trying something new. My writing has always been filled with colorful metaphors but no story. Hell, it was the way I was taught to write. What I’m looking for is this: I have to learn to write for the reader, not for myself. I guess I’m starting from scratch. Is this better than what I posted previously? Was the story easier to read? Was you able to get a picture of the girl and her environment? I’m not going for fancy writing yet, all I’m looking for is the basics..