Support Group : Forum : Need advice?


[reply] [quote]

Need advice?

7 Years Ago


Post your problem/issue and ask for advice here!
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


I do have a question: I've been friends with this specific person for about 5 years. We've been really close, and everything was fine until about 2 years ago. We both made a mutual friend (who I will just call Garry). My friend (who I will anonymously name Heather) started to like Garry over time and told me about it as soon as she was certain. WELL, I was completely fine with this, in fact I was completely supportive of their relationship and rooted her on silently. However, I still hung out with Garry because he was my friend too.  Eventually, Garry found out that Heather was a liar and a manipulative person at heart (which is true, I'd been dealing with it since I met her) and they started to fight alot. I started to fight with her too because she took her anger at Garry out on me. It was a rough year, and we became distant. However, come next year, she acted like nothing ever happened. She continued to act like nothing happened, and so I thought maybe everything was okay. It wasn't until recently (A WHOLE YEAR LATER, MIND YOU) that i found out the things she'd been saying to Garry about me behind my back. Basically, she claimed that I purposely sabotaged their relationship and that it was my fault he didnt like her the way she liked him. "She's not who ou think she is, Garry," is what she wrote him.  I am shocked. I have dealt with this liar and backstabber for 5 years, and I've had enough. What should I do? I dont want to be mean, but I dont want to deal with this anymore either.
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


First off,
A few things you need to ask yourself

1. Does this friend give me more energy or decrease my energy?
2. Am I happy being their friend?
3. Are they a good friend?
4. Do they have a positive or negative effect on my life?
5. Do they make more stress or deduct stress?

Secondly,

If shes causing you that much issue,problems,stress and drama in your life, that you do not need.That's not good. You shouldn't be friends with someone who makes your life more difficult then it needs to be and puts more stress on you.

I know you've been friends for a very long time, but you deserve better! You shouldn't have to deal with someone, specifically someone whos supposed to be your friend to gossip about you behind you back! with another friend of yours.

Personally,
I think you should discuss this matter with  each of them  individually, think about those questions. And decide if these people are real friends and beneficial to your life.
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


Thats a good idea. Thanks :)
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
.
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


Yeah I take issue with the five questions you told Koda because basically what it boils down to is "Is this friend of any use to me?"

That's not what you should base friendship on. You're not friends with someone just because they "increase your energy" or don't cause you too much drama. You're friends because you have common ground, a history. It's like family. If a sibling of yours struggles in this tough economy and constantly comes to you in need of financial and emotional assistance you can't just tell them to get out of your life because they create stress in your life.

If you're going to break a relationship with someone it must be because of irreconciliable differences, a betrayal which renders mutual (or personal) trust impossible or greatly difficult, or complete loss of interest: i.e. the absence of the common ground which initially allowed a friendship to form.

For example people who are friends in college are very often friends because it's very convenient, since they attend the same high school. The friend in question is easy to replace, and that happens every year when people, after graduating, lose said common ground.

In this case, I believe you'd have trouble to trust that person as you've been betrayed and there are irreconcilable differences (you believe that sociopathic behavior isn't cool, and that chick seems to disagree very much).

So there. I just wanted to say that I believe those five questions may be good for opportunists or people who want to use others in order to get the best emotional return on investment. But people who want to estimate how good of a friend someone is should look elsewhere, and people who are thinking of breaking a friendship or relationship really shouldn't ask themselves these five questions to come to a decision.
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


Those questions were the same questions a counselor asked me to ask myself when I was in a similar situation.

I see your point though.
[reply] [quote]

Re: Need advice?

7 Years Ago


QUESTION:

I am writing a historical fiction based on the events in WWII. Is it ok if I take an actual event and replace what happened to real-life people with fictional characters? I wouldn't use their exact life events, just make up my own. Neither would I use their names, I'm just not sure what the rules are for writing real life events with fictional work.