The Timeless Warriors : Forum : Need a little help

Need a little help

12 Years Ago

I've been working on this story for a little while. It's my first attempt at a story. I'm need of some feed back. It's called The Birthing (I don't know why I named it that but I guess because, right now, it reminds me of labor and labor pains). As of now it's in three installments.

What I've noticed it folks are willing to review poems because they are quick and easy. I don't blame them but it's hell if your looking for feed back from a story your writing. I have to remember, though, it is the net, most people have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to the net, including me. But I'm beggin' for a little feed back. So if anyone wouldn't mind poking around and reading the first three installments of The Birthing, I'd be deeply grateful.

Thank you!

[no subject]

12 Years Ago

And that's exactly the kind of help I wanted to provide with this group, people read too randomly and without any attention. So I'm hoping this group will contain people that are actually interested in helping each other out with stories or poems where they need feed back or are stuck with. Hopefully others will look at it like I do. It doesn't has to be a big group, as long as it's a usefull group.


Now to your story, your introduction gives away a very dreamy picture of what the book will be about but leaves some open space to get really curious. I like the way it is written, with a bit of poetic style in it.

Chapter one starts out the same way but has a somewhat more real picture with it, the ear picking and the people around her. I think the two fit well together although I keep wondering why she would do pick her ears. It sounds more childlike and your story indicates she is no longer a child and is written in a very mature way.


I will read your next chapter when I have the time for it later this week. Btw I do like the fact that it is written in the 'I' form instead of the he/she form, but do you think you can make a whole book/story in that way? I always found it rather difficult to write like that.