The fallen : Forum : meh


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meh

10 Years Ago


Alright, so here's the deal. I've just been really down and feeling like a complete failure. I've been getting made fun of and yelled at for the past week almost. This morning, I accidentally forgot my iPod and phone and ran back into the house to grab them. The bus gets there at 6:36 and never earlier and my parents make us leave at 6:30. I almost hit my stepdad with the door and he looks at me like I'm stupid. "What are you doing?" He asked. I told him, and he asked me if I was going to miss the bus for an iPod and phone. I told him I wouldn't miss the bus, and he yelled at me. I got upstairs and unlocked my door (I have to lock it so my three brothers don't walk in and steal my things) and grabbed my things, then began walking out, locking the door, and my mother started screaming at me. When I got to school, I was crying, and only one person out of like 20 around me paid any attention to me. I get to my first period, and only one person paid attention to me and asked what was wrong, and it was the girl who sat directly beside me. Second period nobody noticed me, as usual. Third period was good. The guy I liked chose to sit next to me again, and he's been gone for a week up at Outdoor lab, a thing for 6th graders, as a volunteer instructor person (I think he might like me, but I just can't see why somebody like him would like me...) Fourth period was math, and for once in the past few months, I felt the tiniest bit smart. The rest of the day was okay until I got back home. I was told to finish this math project, and it was already done, but I had to draw a picture to explain the situation, and I suck at drawing. I told my mom this, and she yelled at me for not being able to draw, then called me a failure, then said my grandmother was watching me from Heaven and that she was probably just as disappointed in me as my mother was. For the next half hour, I sat in a dark corner in my closet crying, then I got up and used my jacket to try to dry my eyes so my parents wouldn't yell at me for crying. After dinner, my mother called me down and asked me to get her white out out of her room, and I asked the stupid question of where it was at, and she yelled at me for it, then told me never mind and I heard her mutter something under her breath. I went back to my room and cried, and I started thinking and drawing again. Now, I have an entire plan on how I am going to die. Actually, I have several plans... And plus, my mom is the one who took me to the er for being suicidal, and and she's the one who takes me to the therapist for depression. My entire family knows of my condition, too, but they think it's f*cking hilarious to make fun of me for every little thing I do. And now I'm crying again... Great... :'/ 
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


D: *huggels* this is rediculouse whats wrong with these people?!  X( you shouldnt have to put up with people like that. youll be able to get away from them after school so sit tight okay? X(
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, Wolf. But don't loose faith yet . Things will get better for you. I know it. :)
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


First of all, please don't hurt yourself. I'm NOT sticking up for your mother, but having a child who you know contemplates suicide must be rough. Parents are people, too. They have many stresses, like paying the bills, feeding the kids, taking care of their car, working to make money to afford all of these things, and RAISING kids, which is probably the hardest of them all. Your parents probably feel stressed, too, and maybe they take it out in a negative way. Parents often do not understand their children, nor do they have an interest in communicating with them to understand their feelings. The next time they say you are a failure, just ignore it, even if it is hard to do. They are wrong and you know it, but they will not listen to you telling them that they are wrong, so just let them get out what they need to, then say to yourself that they are wrong. In regards to those who you attend school with, people usually do not like to get involved when they see another person crying. If you are at school and need someone to talk to, I suggest a very trusted teacher, or a school counselor. Just remember that whenever you feel sad, are crying, or just need to vent how you're feeling, you can always find a kind writer on writerscafe who is willing to listen and not judge. You could even message me if you ever need someone just to listen; I always respond. Remember that you are not a failure, you are you, and you are great :)
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


Thanks Barklight. I know I shouldn't, btu I can't find myself leaving because I've become so acustomed to it... 
Dark Rider, thanks as well. I shall try not to lose faith... 
Mizuki Tsukiakari, thanks as well. I understand that parents have a lot of stress, and I am talking to a therapist and everything. And I shall remember that, thank you as well. 
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


dont hurt yourself lex. thats NEVER the answer. i'm always here if you ever need to talk you know that even if i'm not much help im here for a shoulder to cry on and personally if i was at your school id smother you if you were crying near me. with my chest cuz im tall and i wouldnt let go until you fought me to be let go lol. i love you lexy you are amazing and wonderful and sweet and kind and beautiful and SMART! i believe in you girl keep your chin up mommy loves you
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


i beleave in you too Wolfy ^_^
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


Have you told this to your therapist? Telling people how you feel will help. Just remember that you aren't a failure, and that there are people who care very much about you. *hugs* It gets better, and hurting yourself won't help. I'm here if you ever need to talk. :)
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


Thanks everybody. And I've told some of it to my therapist, but most has happened after the last time I saw her, and the next time I see her would be week after next... 
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


Please don't hurt yourself. Your mother is saying very hurtful things and I'm sure that your grandmother was very hurt in Heaven that your mother would say such a thing. Remember that Heavenly Father loves you and would never want you to feel like you're trapped. i don't know if you are religious or anything, but try praying--with sincerity--and I know you'll feel better, but then after that you'll still have to keep your head up and try to ignore the untrue, hurtful things said to you. And remember that junior high school kids are often selfish, so don't take it personally if many people didn't pay attention. I am not condoning this at all, but I wanted to remind you that they're human and they're young. They also maybe didn't know what to do. You seem very sweet and talented, so try and focus on what you like to do and don't listen to what others think. And DEFINITELY DO NOT hurt yourself; that's letting the bad win when you deserve to be happy. Find something that makes you happy and focus on it and sing a song in your head when you feel like crying when people are being mean. There will always be mean people out there, but they have no more power over you when you don't let them. Hang in there, sweetheart. <3 
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Re: meh

10 Years Ago


Thank you so much Elise. I'm not very religious, but thanks for that. And I shall try to remember that next time.