Is there something wrong with me?

A poem about reflection

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Sitting up in bed
reflecting on the past
Observing my single life
and how I am the last
Friends all have partners
I’m victim to their love
Having to witness every second
claiming they are sent from above

I’m there to comfort the arguments
I’m here if your alone
I’m anywhere you want me to be
Even if your spiteful words I don’t condone

They are only in the moment
when your anger is at it’s peak
Listening to friends slate eachother
Then be totally in love within a week

Now I’m always the friend
the third wheel on a date
The person you feel sorry for
Who wants to stay out late
But your lives together change you
And now its early nights
The only time I see you
Is after one of your fights

Then I’m here to comfort the arguments
I’m here if your alone
I’m anywhere you want me to be
Even if your spiteful words I don’t condone

I continue to reflect
looking at pictures from the past
Wondering what I do
to make my relationships never last
Perhaps I’m too needy
wanting to hold you everyday
Is it a sin to tell you I love you
When you make me feel that way
I observe the long lost smile
I rarely choose to show
Always being the dumped
Never letting go

Do my friends wish me happiness
Do they really care
For I’m the person they come to
In any time of despair

I am the listener
the comforter
the blend
The fixer
the negotiator
I’m just Ashley
The vacant friend 

I long for a time when I can say
I’m busy this time around
I have my girlfriend over
The one that I have found
I can’t be there to help with this argument 
I’m sorry I’m not alone
I can’t come to meet you
Don’t spite my friend
I’m hanging up the phone

But I don’t think I could do that for I am just too nice
My life is incomplete without love
I’m always the sugar and I crave for the spice
It breaks my heart to be lonely
a tear drop has come loose
The thoughts of my lonely life
Acting as a noose

So is there something wrong with me??
I’m everything and more
I will give you my entire world
Be the person I adore
Just let me taste love one more time
Its sweetness I do crave
I’m willing to open up my love
Even the heartbreak I will brave

One day is all I want
just to feel this way again
And Ashley blacks world
you will surely reign

Author's Note

I wrote this whilst looking through some old pictures

please be honest as always

yes its me in the picture

Reviews

[Tarik]

This is so touching. After reading this i locked myself up in the bathroom for about two minutes, before i returned to write down this review. I can't explain. It's as if you've encapsulated my feelings here. I feel the same; so lonely, so misunderstood. My fears are nearly the same as yours. I'm afraid that one day my best friend will get married and forget me, and then, i'll remain all alone under the shades of my languid thoughts.

[Arabdha]

wow..this moves me..I related so much to the first few paras of the poem..the best part was-
"I am the listener
the comforter
the blend
The fixer
the negotiator
I’m just Ashley
The vacant friend "..this kind of sums up all the emotions portrayed in the poem..rarely do writes affect me so much..this is brilliant..100/100 ..going in to my library :)

[Thea Fuentebella]

so you're the sugar that craves for the spice, eh? -a great piece
it's so full of emotion..just wonderful. it had me focused like so very few other poems ever did. mostly i just keep reading until i finish, then the emotions would pour. but this one, i read it like i felt it. amazing!
i've been there, too. people asking me for help about love lives when i never had any, back then. but i have problems, too. and i tell them about it and of course they'll listen to me.
though i never felt that way when i was single. i just enjoy living with what i have and i make the most of it. it's all good :)
take the other side of things time after time..

thanks for a good write!
Thea

[Short.Nerd]

Nice

[Magdelena]

Now this touched me. Your words held me as i read each line, i saw so much of myself, others probably could too! It was like you got inside all of us and brought forth piece by piece of what we sometimes feel.. What an heart-felt piece, and I found it brilliant!

Mags xx

[freelancejouster]

of course there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with all of us, any of us who could possibly imagine that there's something wrong with you. but that makes you normal. and so it's a catch-22.

You have captured this very very well , I know this feeling from my days as a loner .... I am past that now .. :)

My favorite stanza :

Now I’m always the friend
the third wheel on a date
The person you feel sorry for
Who wants to stay out late
But your lives together change you
And now its early nights
The only time I see you
Is after one of your fights

[Ruth]

Sometimes self reflection can utterly shatter! Love, this is powerfully written.....a soul that has the world on their heart and an offer of giving all, then what does it bring?
You always have a knack of writing poignantly.......I thank you for sharing such a heart print! xx

[Liza]

i have served this role; you understand that to have a friend is to be a friend; some people don't realize the gift of friendship and just turn to their friends when they are single but once they find their intimate mate; friendships take a back seat....it was painful to learn this lesson but once i set my priorites and thought about it; its an honor to be the stable one; to be someone someone can count on...i have communicated to my friends that they shouldn't take our friendship for granted but people's priorities are to settle down and find a mate for life...not to maintain platonic friendships...once they are settled; friendships will be a priority but family takes precendent as well.

i enjoyed your thoughts; i can relate. thankfully i am married to a man that doesn't make me choose between my friends and him...

[Rose Masen]

"It breaks my heart to be lonely
a tear drop has come loose
The thoughts of my lonely life
Acting as a noose "

This line was so full of hurt. I think you're an amazing poet/writer. I, personally, have never experienced love. It really sucks- so for you to experience it and then feel as if it was taken away so quickly, must be something that cannot be put into words to be expressed even remotely close. This piece was soulful- One of my favorites.