Bleeding Rose

for a dying soul

Her hands reached up, shockingly, blindly, her vision growing blurry, but she wanted to reach out for it, the light. Gently, gracefully her fingers touched the smoothness of the petals, the rose bush near her, the light shined over it. She moved her frail fingers over the thin dark green stem and went to pick it. The flower that appeared before her eyes, the light disappeared, a good thing, bad thing, why be left in the darkness… As she pulled on the petals trying to pull the rose down to her, it was glue, stuck not enough strength to even pull on the stem, the thin stem. Finally, it broke, but it was too late, her hand slid off the stem up to petals and pulling them all off the flower. She laid there the petals falling gracefully like snow around her. Slowly, slowly her eyes mixed the dark color of the petals into drops of red rain. Her head turned to the side as her hand fell. All that was left was a petal in her hand in a puddle of blood.

Author's Note

comments please =)

Reviews

[Dutch Jr.]

Nice piece, but watch the -ly verbs. I tend to use them a lot, too, but I'm trying to rid myself of them. They actually weaken writing. Try to find way to reword the sentences where the adverbs are not needed. Other than that, this is a great, descriptive write.

[zendikar]

wow you really make me see this in my head quite well your imagery skills are fantastic keep this up!

[Randy`s Princess]

nice and emotive discriptive good write enjoyed it :)

[Lucy Joan]

Some of the sentences are a bit redundant, like you're trying to fit two descriptions in one; so it results in a few compound sentences. -Which is no big problem to fix. Overall, the poem is really nice and had a great ending, too. The word diction fits well into the poem and I like the imagery with the flower petals. Great write!

[alesuriko]

Just one thing to point out first... you spelled "petals" wrong.

Other than that, the imagery of this poem is fantastic. I love the emphasis on movement, touch and sight. Very well written, there are a few places where the grammar could use some touching up, but the flow and rhythm of this prose poem is well set. It's almost, just barely, has a decadent feel to it with the dark beauty being emphasized and how the decay of this flower and girl are so beautifully described. Well done!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That is quite interesting... great usage of the flower petals... I think this poem can also represent that every thing good in life requires sacrifice.

[Wolfwind Words]

This was awesome! The images flowed from your ink with a smooth, yet unstoppable force. This came across like scene from a movie! It was well worded and pulled the reader right into the scene. You should to change "peddle" to "pedal" The first is like on a bike, the second is for use with a flower. :) And 4th line up from the bottom, "pulling them all off the flower." (instead of "offs") Last sentence... the comma doesn't need to be there.

This overall was a powerful piece!

Wolfie

[Sam Severn]

The title alone knocked my eyes out!! Graceful n' tender n' soulful as HELL! ㋡

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought this was very good. I could relate to this. Thanks for sharing. :)