Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

A Poem by Shannon
"

About when I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend at the trainstation =[

"

I’m trying to see through my tears,

I’m trying to push them away,

I’m trying to act so strong,

There’s so much I have to say,

But they just won’t leave,

They’re burning my eyes red,

I look up at you and choke,

On words I would have said,

You close your eyes and look away,

I know you hate to see me cry,

“I don’t want to go,” I whisper,

“I don’t want to say good bye.”

But we both know that’s my train,

The beast that will take me away,

“You’ll be back soon, baby,”

“Just count down the days,”

I reach up on my tiptoes,

And gently kiss your lips,

I try to remember your touches,

Your hands upon my hips,

I’ll need their echoes in desperate time,

I’ll dream of you holding me tight,

When I wake thinking of you,

And as I fall asleep each night,

It’s so hard to pull away from your arms,

To be thrown back in the deep end,

Back into reality,

Oh how on you I depend.

Looking through the double glass window,

As the train begins to grind,

Its wheels begin to turn,

And my heart begins to whine,

I place my hand on the window,

And mouth the words “I love you,”

And as you move out of sight,

I whisper the words “I love you.”

© 2010 Shannon


Author's Note

Shannon
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Featured Review

Pros: It takes talent to truly portray emotion and to take someone to a certain scene you've created. And you've done this. You've used words to paint a picture and used emotions to take us there. I commend you for this. Also, you had a beautiful rhyme scheme that helped carry the poem along, not to mention help heighten the desperation and sorrow this person feels.

Cons: None that I can see.

Overall: 'Tis a wonderful poem, my dear. One I truly enjoyed and that transported me to within itself. Beautiful.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Sad. I felt it and have lived through it so it brought back memories. I liked it a lot.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Pros: It takes talent to truly portray emotion and to take someone to a certain scene you've created. And you've done this. You've used words to paint a picture and used emotions to take us there. I commend you for this. Also, you had a beautiful rhyme scheme that helped carry the poem along, not to mention help heighten the desperation and sorrow this person feels.

Cons: None that I can see.

Overall: 'Tis a wonderful poem, my dear. One I truly enjoyed and that transported me to within itself. Beautiful.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Joz
great use of imagery and emotion, i think everyone can relate to saying goodbye to a loved one. anyway, overall solid piece :) looking forward to reading more.

Posted 13 Years Ago


What can i say, um let me try. Um it give me a clear image of the emotion and feeling at the moment. I saw the train depart and i could see every thing clearly as if i was the one in the same situation. Great work of art, it is passionate and visual.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Wow. This actually screams what you're feeling, I've felt the same way before.
Very nicely written :D

Posted 13 Years Ago


The beautiful thing about this poem is that I can see it all happening right in front of me. That's TRUE talent when you can take someone to a certain place in time just with words of your own. I really like this, and the expression you put into it made it all too real! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A very good poem. Saying goodbye to people is a skill we won't ever understand. I could feel the built-up of sadness and the wish to stop time. Last lines made poem complete. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on July 13, 2010
Last Updated on July 13, 2010

Author

Shannon
Shannon

Wakefield, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom



About
Hey, my name is Shannon and I'm a eighteen year old student. I'm currently studying Childcare and BSL :) I love to read and write, it's my own way of disappearing from the world around me and in.. more..

Writing
Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Shannon


Chapter Two Chapter Two

A Chapter by Shannon


Chapter Three Chapter Three

A Chapter by Shannon



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