It no longer hurts

It no longer hurts

A Poem by Marianne

It no longer hurts to breathe,

the iron clad pain around

my heart broke into crimson

stained slivers falling to the

bottom of despair,

the sound of jubilation joining

the bluest blue sky quivering

with the melodies of harp

and lyre.

I deeply inhaled the day a

great glowing golden light

unlocked my steely prison, and

a gentle breeze dried my tears

of ancient time and opened

the floodgates of compassion,

the colour of your deep dark

eyes upon my weary mind.

I clasped your outstretched soft,

warm, slender, and orange jasmine

scented hands in mine.

Your feathery light kisses

upon my frosted lips merged

with the lily shaped dew of your

wondrous love, melting on

my parched tongue, setting my

body on fire.

I timidly put one foot in front

of the other, the stony ground

gradually changing into smooth

shiny pebbles washed pure by

a river angling through a lush

green meadow, surrounded by

fragile buttercups and tiny

English daisies proudly

bathed by the sun’s radiant

memories of a thousand years.

My heart now danced inside your

sweet embrace, immersed in

secret pleasures, sharing

sacred moments of a life

rescued from certain ruin,

the hour it didn’t hurt any more

to breathe.

 

 

© 2012 Marianne


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This is a very nicely crafted stream of consciousness message. It seems like in the first half of your message, you are relying a bit too much on ordinary or cliché word choices in a few places: "bluest blue sky" . . . "great glowing golden light" . . . "deep dark eyes" . . . not so memorable really, altho the alliteration is good. Then about halfway thru, it seems like your senses have awakened & your thrust is developing, so that you deliver a much more detailed & original-sounding message full of vivid imagery: "melting on my parched tongue" . . . "surrounded by fragile buttercups and tiny English daisies" . . . "sun's radiant memories of a thousand years."

Posted 4 Years Ago


Marianne

4 Years Ago

I so enjoy your feedback, barleygirl, and always learn something new. You are so right about 'overwo.. read more
Finding love after a broken heart can feel like a resurrection... yes love is a mysterious miracle. Your poem is quite lovely.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Marianne

4 Years Ago

I have just found the new feature to reply to a review. Thank you so much for your sweet comment!

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365 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 12, 2012
Last Updated on December 12, 2012
Tags: pain, joy, love, prison, freedom

Author

Marianne
Marianne

Wollongong, NSW, Australia



About
I live in the Land of Oz...love the Ocean and the sunshine. A reader and a novice writer...love the Cafe, but life gets in the way to spend much time here. When I do visit, I'm in awe of the Poetr.. more..

Writing
On Fire On Fire

A Poem by Marianne