You and Me

You and Me

A Poem by Alfredo Quiroga

as I lay submerged against your bare skin I can feel you soft, luscious
lips against mine. Back and forth not a moment to soon I would both stop
and wonder if this was real and right. My head is going a mile a minute
but without any hesitation I continue on.it may have been awkward but
in the end fun and great can only be used to describe it all.

© 2012 Alfredo Quiroga


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Alfredo,

Great writing.

Suggestion: would you rewrite it while reading it aloud. I think it needs a little TLC.

You have pulled me into you skin and I can experience the sensations and emotions you have shown and told in your poem.

Would you consider changing "mind is" or "thoughts are" for "head" in "My head is going a mile a minute --" ?

Could you expand on this story? While what you have written is great, it would be even better if it were longer. Perhaps if you revisit your story and see if there isn't more to it.

You have talent and potential. Keep writing. Let me know if I've been helpful. I don't mean to criticise so much as to assist.

Cecil A

Posted 6 Years Ago


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Added on December 6, 2012
Last Updated on December 6, 2012

Author

Alfredo Quiroga
Alfredo Quiroga

Fairbanks, AK



About
A Mexican buena and raised in Alaska, who would of thought. Well here I am. I am a very eclectic kind of guys, always willing to try new things. my main hobbies include reading writings dancing and Ha.. more..

Writing
Love Love

A Poem by Alfredo Quiroga