A Love Story

A Love Story

A Poem by Aianarie (INACTIVE)
"

His story, her story, their story, our story.

"

Her song, his song, a word divine

It began as a seed of sweet friendship

A tender touch, a sentiment benign

Bloss’md into another kind of kinship

Rose petals rained the day that they married

Like a beautiful but ominous cloud

The petals scattered, never tarried

Their petty things became a bitter shroud

A tiny, lovely girl was born to them

She was a very special one, indeed

Annmarie’s smile reminded those two

Of the great joy they had come to forget

Now, their song, a word eternal

Washed over the trying flames infernal.

© 2012 Aianarie (INACTIVE)


Author's Note

Aianarie (INACTIVE)
...My first poem in quite some time! I hope you all enjoy my new stuff. :-)

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Featured Review

Dear Aianarie,

The rhythm fell off after "Their petty things became a bitter shroud," to me anyways. I think you should work on the lines below that. It nicely flowed in a beautiful sonnet. The diction could be polished off some to formulate a more romantic piece like maybe "Annmarie's smile restored the bridge/of the great joy they come to forget." Another example is the introduction of the baby girl. You could continue to stretch out the metaphor of a garden by saying she budded, or a seedling was born.

I absolutely love how your poems tell a sweet and light story. I adored the imagery woven together and how it enveloped throughout the piece. The beginning was my favorite I have to admit. These lines, "It began as a seed of sweet friendship/ A tender touch, a sentiment benign," were touching and reminded me of a classic time relationships started with a friendship. Glad you are writing more poetry. Hope I can get more time to read some more of it.

Thank you for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

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Me
I can relate...
to every word you say..great write!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dear Aianarie,

The rhythm fell off after "Their petty things became a bitter shroud," to me anyways. I think you should work on the lines below that. It nicely flowed in a beautiful sonnet. The diction could be polished off some to formulate a more romantic piece like maybe "Annmarie's smile restored the bridge/of the great joy they come to forget." Another example is the introduction of the baby girl. You could continue to stretch out the metaphor of a garden by saying she budded, or a seedling was born.

I absolutely love how your poems tell a sweet and light story. I adored the imagery woven together and how it enveloped throughout the piece. The beginning was my favorite I have to admit. These lines, "It began as a seed of sweet friendship/ A tender touch, a sentiment benign," were touching and reminded me of a classic time relationships started with a friendship. Glad you are writing more poetry. Hope I can get more time to read some more of it.

Thank you for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was beautiful, great lines in this well written piece!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely language, all written in an orderly fashion. I must agree with ravenjess; we will all see this poem in college poetry books someday. ;-) Masterful poetry, my friend.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"Now, their song, a word eternal
Washed over the trying flames infernal."
i truly believe that you will go down in history as an immortal poet. :) Another amazing poem

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"Annmarie’s smile reminded those two
Of the great joy they had come to forget"
Some gifts allow us to know what love is and strengthen the binding of two people. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aww, this was both adorable and heartfelt. Great piece here!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow!! Stunning, great work. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very beautiful, got no other words for a poem like that :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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534 Views
9 Reviews
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Added on August 23, 2012
Last Updated on August 23, 2012
Tags: love, romance, relationship, family, daughter, trying times, sonnet, Shakespearean, English, broken verse

Author

Aianarie (INACTIVE)
Aianarie (INACTIVE)

Eugene, OR



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