Ms. Cox: Alitalia Celebrity Flight Disease

A celebrity takes an Alitalia flight from NY to Rome and complains about the presence of vampires, prompting a sociologist-journalist to note the strageness of dreams.

Actually, I'll sign off finally with this much more lightearted vignette about modern traffic paranoia, and I hope you find it comforting during this otherwise dark Coronavirus tribulation, friends!

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Do you know how many celebrities love to fly (on airplanes, passenger airlines, etc.)? Flying is the modern mode of travel across the globe, man! You find many celebrities taking advantage of this modern amenity which has become as iconic as the American supermarket.

After 9/11, the world became 'on-edge' about global traffic instability created by targeted terrorism after anti-capitalism terrorists demolished the World Trade Center in NYC by crashing two hijacked passenger airplanes into the skyscraper(s)! Now, passengers on airlines around the world are touchy and somewhat sensitive about the emerged paranoia about in-flight terrorism. Who will control this new brand of socialized fear created by capitalism troubles politically? Will celebrities feel comfy going on passenger flights as much as they did in the 1990s?

My name's Isaac Satan. I take passenger airline flights and look for celebrities to watch and monitor and take psycho-sociological notes regarding their in-flight demeanor and experience. I don't interview them directly, but I observe their behavior. That's all! I've been lately cataloguing their responses to in-flight sanity and psycho-security despite this emerged destablizing terrorism paranoia! I'm sort of a terrorism-journalism psychologist, using my princely inherited money to become a traffic doctor!

I just recorded and noted the in-flight experience of celebrity Courteney Cox, star of the hit iconic American culture-sitcom Friends (NBC). I noted how Ms. Cox was rather comfy on her Alitalia flight from JFK (NY) to Rome (Italy), but she was complaining about a strange dream she had to her stewardess during the flight when she napped. Apparently, Courteney believed there were real-life vampires on the plane!

Now, I won't lie to you. Alitalia is a respected and successfull commercial airline from Europe, and people find it to be altogether wholesome and satisfying and comfy and delicious! However, Alitalia is not immune from terrorism paranoia in this new millennium, so Ms. Cox had grounding to feel unnerved, despite her wild delusional claim she thought the flight was inhabited by real-life vampires. The stewardesses simply didn't know how to respond to her fear.

I suggested the flight attendants escort Ms. Cox to the cockpit and have her greet and meet the pilot and confirm for personal comfort and sanity reasons and reasurrance that the pilot was not in fact a real-life blood-sucking vampire and was indeed a reliable pilot for the passenger flight that day from NY to Rome. Ms. Cox was taken to the pilot and conversed with him and emerged from the cockpit with a smile on her face, as if everything was suddenly cool and safe! I met the pilot before takeoff and had no reason to believe personally he was a vampire.

Passenger flights have become synonymous with traffic and travel-time hospitality and service. Great airline companies around the world such as Air India, KLM, Air France, and Alitalia remind people of the value of transit amenities and modern advances in travel. The flight-attendants/stewardesses are attractive and professional and have come to represent our expectations for a safe and normal travel experience. There's therefore no reason to doubt anything about airlines or suspect serious and grave foul-play or the presence of real-life vampires!

Then again, you have to ask, "Why do Americans love horror-films?" I mean, America is the safest nation in the world, in terms of basic social securities and wealth! Why then are we morbidly fascinated by horror-cinema? Perhaps Ms. Cox saw a horror-film before her Alitalia flight that day and had a nagging sensation that all was not well in paradise and that there very well might be a lingering real-life vampire from the Earth's underworld taking siege of the flight as some kind of demon intent on creating a 'standard' form of in-flight terrorism, perhaps even seeking to crash the airplane into a skyscraper in Rome!

After some thought, I realized that Ms. Cox was part of a celebrity-culture world of photography and instant gossip that could easily make her sensitive to traffic fears and human deviations! She had a strange dream while she napped on the Alitalia flight and believed she was surrounded by vampires on the passenger flight. I mean, when there's so much attention afforded to these celebrities in magazines, showcasing their everyday traits and behaviors, there's no reason to think they're not susceptible to the same insanities the rest of us are, but also dealing with the added weight of sanity claustrophobia! These folks are expected to be sane!

When I got home to Philly and started watching Action News with my mom and began to think about how the broadcasting station had employed an attractive weather-girl for their meteorology reports, I realized that the modern advent of video and photography and television and Internet-movies created an instant matrix of image distribution, presenting photos and videos of people around the world. This flurry of camera craziness makes people sensitive about natural exposure to the public spotlight! Why did Ms. Cox believe she was surrounded on our happy planet by blood-sucking creatures? Maybe she'd just watched another viewing of one of her own Scream horror-films on TV!

I later took an Air India flight from London (UK) to LA (USA). During the flight, I enjoyed delicious chicken curry and lentils and rice with salad, a dessert and sweet-bread. The water was pure and cold and refreshing and unpolluted. I decided that Ms. Cox' unnatural fear about vampires on planes represented our modern social paranoia about the destabilized reality of terrorism-induced traffic turbulence in this otherwise golden age of consumerism and traffic! Why or how can I enjoy chicken marsala peacefully on Air India while ISIS and Cobra terrorists plot evil schemes against the heart of Chicago and Buckingham Palace?

COURTENEY COX: I tell you true I had a real nagging sensation there was actually a vampire on-board my Alitalia flight from New York to Rome, and I really hope no snooping journalist was there to record my in-flight distress, which I made public to my flight-attendants/stewardesses, and I just simply want my future flights on this peaceful planet to be much more delightful, since I've earned the money I spent for the darn travel ticket, man!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)