Sit her as I think

Sit her as I think

A Poem by Drew
"

I never understood the fuss about somebody walking out of your life until i recently had the pleasure of experiencing it for myself.Didn't enjoy it and decided to make this

"
You were my cloud 9 and without you I'm falling back to earth
Hoping the impact kills me because living just isn't worth

Tell me one day out of the blue
You like sombody more than I like you

Impossible,this has got to all be
My love is too strong so now you must flee

How can you simply end what we had in a single day
I'm an Athiest...but for this pain i pray

That it leave my life,Take a train and follow the track
Or that it stay and help remind me that she will never come back

But no,This has nothing to do with a mythical higher power
Pain had over-shadowed my logic,It may even devour

The sane parts that are still left in my head
Still without you my everything is torn to a shred
But not another tear shall I ever shed
For the girl whom i thought some day i would Wed

To walk this place with nobody to share
The moments in life when i wish you were there
Your replacement for me,He cant possibly in any way care
About you like I did why couldnt you just spare?

Me the humiliation of thinking i couldn't do better
Just tell me what this new guy starts with,What letter?
"B" for Better looking?"M" for more money?"S" for stronger?
I've gotten over you now,The apple of my eye....you are no longer.

© 2012 Drew


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Featured Review

Haha. First of all, the description's quite funny. "I recently had the pleasure of experiencing it..." =))) Second, the bitterness and the sadness that you felt are successfully conveyed through this poem, so great job. Third, I think it was great that even though this was more or less an expression of your emotions, there was still wisdom beneath it. And fourth, just a suggestion, reread this poem and edit some of the lines. There were parts that confused me. It felt like I was talking like Yoda, but not really. :)) Just improve the sentence construction, I guess. They're not really that severe so I think you can do it easily. :) And, lastly, I think you can lessen the number of "...." or even stick with the usual number of dots (which is three). :) I particularly loved the last two lines. I think they'll hit straight to the hearts of a lot of people. Haha. Great job on this one. :P

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really liked your poem and I think it's pretty good.

This is my favourite part:
....That it leave my life,Take a train and follow the track
Or.....that it stay and help remind me that she will never come back

Also I liked your description lol :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Haha. First of all, the description's quite funny. "I recently had the pleasure of experiencing it..." =))) Second, the bitterness and the sadness that you felt are successfully conveyed through this poem, so great job. Third, I think it was great that even though this was more or less an expression of your emotions, there was still wisdom beneath it. And fourth, just a suggestion, reread this poem and edit some of the lines. There were parts that confused me. It felt like I was talking like Yoda, but not really. :)) Just improve the sentence construction, I guess. They're not really that severe so I think you can do it easily. :) And, lastly, I think you can lessen the number of "...." or even stick with the usual number of dots (which is three). :) I particularly loved the last two lines. I think they'll hit straight to the hearts of a lot of people. Haha. Great job on this one. :P

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Awww this line is so sweet! especially the lines

But not another tear shall I ever shed
For the girl whom i thought some day i would Wed

I like how you rearrange sentences to make them rhyme =)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow this is realy good and totalt relatable :D

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is a really great poem! I love your unique writing style.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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466 Views
5 Reviews
Added on November 9, 2011
Last Updated on October 9, 2012
Tags: Bleak, Future, Past, Present, Love, Hurt, Blacknesss
Previous Versions

Author

Drew
Drew

MA



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