draft

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A Chapter by Lena Rossmore
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first part. second part will be up soon!

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"Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends."

-Shirley MacLaine


Shadows fell at odd angles across the gargoyles that adorned the graveyard walls, creating an air of foreboding. Nyla crouched behind a large gravestone, a silver rifle in her hands. She watched as the grave robber dug into the ground using nothing but it's blood-stained arms. It's eyes were crazed; slightly demonic, and it didn't stop until it had reached the casket. Time. She abandoned her hiding place to leap in front of the cannibal, gun pointed and at the ready, but before she could even pull the trigger, a bullet had already lodged itself into the flesh eater's head. 

"Drop it." he was impossibly by her side already, his cold pistol digging into her temple until she obliged. She let her rifle drop to the ground, silently cursing herself for not being more observant of her surroundings. He kicked it away in one swift movement, all the while keeping his gun locked to her head.

"I'm not here to cause any trouble." She made sure to not let any emotion drip into her voice; the killer instinct detected fear from miles away.

"I'm sure you're not." When she heard his voice again she realised he was young, not more than a year or two older than her she guessed. She tried to get a good look at him but the cold metal against her forehead restrained her.

"Let me go, and I'll leave in peace." Her fingers itched to grab the revolver stuffed down the back of her pants and blow his kneecaps off.

"Not going to happen. You're coming with me." He finally stepped back then, and she was able to get a good look of him. As she had suspected he was young, seventeen, maybe eighteen. Underneath the black beanie he wore she could see bright orange curls desperate to be set loose. His eyes didn't have the hard, troubled expression most did after the cataclysm, but instead they carried humour, as if he found amusement in killing cannibals. He kept his gun pointed at her as he kicked the rifle up to his hands using his feet and slung it across his back.

"Move." he gestured for her to precede him in leaving the graveyard. She weighed her options; if she tried to do anything now, he would blow her head off in a matter of seconds. She had to wait until they had left the graveyard and he had begun to trust her defeat.

"Where are we off to?" she tried to keep her tone light, but her mind was in overdrive thinking of different escape routes. 

"You'll see." He chuckled darkly, finding amusement in what she assumed he thought to be a nice surprise. She manoeuvred around the half-erected gravestones scattered around the graveyard floor until they reached the wrought iron gates. With a single bullet to the giant lock and a shove on Nyla's part, the gates screeched open to reveal No Man's Land.

  Once an agricultural haven, No Man's Land had become a barren wasteland that served as a divider between the Upper Grove and the Lower Grove. In the limited light of midday, all Nyla could see was stretches of what looked like a desert littered with rubble. She didn't know how she would be able to escape from him without having to kill him first.

  "By the way," she turned to see him holding the revolver that had been concealed in her trousers moments ago, "Don't even think of running. There are minefields everywhere that will blow you away." His dark humour failed to lift her spirits. She closed her eyes in defeat. Now she had to do what Exodus had taught her; endure the punishment and look for a way to give it back in double doses.



© 2012 Lena Rossmore


Author's Note

Lena Rossmore
Please review and critique harshly! Part two will be a direct continuation of this, i just wanted to put this up to see what you guys thought x

My Review

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Reviews

Overall nice again. Seems first draftish, but it probably is so it’s nothing that can’t be polished with a simple edit. An advice I might have for you is to work a bit on the beginning, establish the mood of the cemetery better through descriptions and sensations of the character. Also build up the tension a bit there as the appearance of the guy seems a bit too rushed. It’s just that I have a feeling if you expand on the scene it would have a greater effect. In any case, keep up the good work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Good write interesting read.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

thank you :)
Great chapter! I'm starting to hope and wonder that this guy will become an ally to Nyla. I'm loving how you always leave your chapters on these cliffhangers that have us readers wanting more! And I also hope that within the next upcoming chapters, we learn more about Nyla and her brother. And this new orange haired sarcastic guy. Please post another chapter soon!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

thank youu, and the next chapter will be quite long so get ready for it !
FantasyLover24601

8 Years Ago

You're welcome! I like long chapters.
intriguing write:) i like the flow of the story.. good use of words:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

thank you !
More suspence! Makes me want to know more, like his name.

Posted 8 Years Ago


i can't help but feel sorry for Nyla. damn that girl has it tough. no matter what situation she's in she is either being threatened or bein hurt! great chapter and i like how you're adding in a new character that can possibly be a contridicting character to Nyla. Serious(Nyla) vs sarcastic(guy). i'm interested to see how they develop and if their paths passed for a certian reason:) ill be waiting for part two!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

ahah im happy you empathise with Nyla, that was what i wanted to achieve! and thank you :)
You always do this to me!!!! Your writing is awesome and I want to read more!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

ahhaa thank youu!
Very good chapter! My best advice is to spice up the dialogue. Add the he said. she said. you don't need to write she screamed, or he roared, but at least write said at times! I've never once read or wrote a novel that had no said's, that being said, it's a great read ;)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

thank youu, and good idea !
Matt Evans

8 Years Ago

No prob mann, dialogue is one of my forte's, as you've probably noticed, because my novels have a to.. read more
Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

ahaha yeahh i noticed !
loved it, great chapter that keeps me wanting more. Nyla's determination and bravery is an admirable character trair, and i like this new guy's personality to. One suggestion is to indernt your paragraphs (its just easier on they eyes in my opinion) Nice work!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lost in Wonderland

8 Years Ago

No problem, can't wait for part 2! :)
Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

:) it'll be up soon
Lost in Wonderland

8 Years Ago

yay!!
Oh my gosh! This just keeps getting better and better! Awesome job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Lena Rossmore

8 Years Ago

thank you so much :)

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Added on July 18, 2012
Last Updated on July 30, 2012
Tags: fantasy, dark fantasy, psychological, teen, teenage, love, romance, dark, apocalypse, zombie


Author

Lena Rossmore
Lena Rossmore

London, United Kingdom



About
Just another aspiring writer. "there's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go." Feel free to drop me a message and I'll be happy to do a swap, just read and review 'Century' as it's what .. more..

Writing
Prologue Prologue

A Chapter by Lena Rossmore


Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Lena Rossmore


Chapter Two Chapter Two

A Chapter by Lena Rossmore