Meeting the cast

In this chapter, we meet Applejack and another OC Ralph.

Monday August 17, 7:00 AM

The alarm clock rang and Pocket Pair groaned and begrudgingly got up. “Ugh, morning already,” he said, “And I was having such a good dream too. People were actually interested in talking to me for once. And heck, some of even wanted to be my friends too. It was like what I’ve always wanted, and what I SHOULD have had all along.” He said yawning. “But of course, like always, reality has to come in and shatter my dreams now doesn’t it, in this case quite literally. Thank you Canterlot High,” he said sarcastically as he got out of bed.

However, as he did so, he noticed his research from the previous night and said “Oh yeah that’s right, my master plan. Forget the sarcasm. Thank YOU Canterlot High. Because even though you are forcing me to go to your property to learn against my will, it is because of you that I am finally going to get a girlfriend this year. So feel free to keep killing my dreams you hear, because when I’m done with you, I will have a much better reality to replace it,” he said as he got dressed.

After finishing, he said “Well in any case I better get going now hadn’t I? The sooner I get to school, the sooner I can get the kinks in my plan ironed out, the sooner I can enact it, and the sooner I woo my true love and get the friend I’ve always wanted and deserved. But I better be quick about it, because I just know that if I’m not, some other joker is going to come and take her away from me.” He said heading to the bathroom. “So I’d better get my teeth brushed and get to school as soon as possible. But first, I have a little ‘business’ I want to take care of.” He said before he closed and locked the door and erotic thoughts of his crush filled his head.

After taking care of his business in the bathroom, he said “damn that felt good. I just hope that the next time I feel that, it won’t be just a stupid fantasy,” before he washed his hands and then brushed his teeth. After finishing, he exited the room and tiptoed downstairs to grab a snack. However, before entering the room, he stopped and looked both ways to see if anyone was in there. After seeing nobody, he said “ok, looks like the coast is clear.” Before he entered the room and grabbed a banana.  

However, before he could exit the room again, he heard a voice say “good morning” and he instantly cringed.

He then turned around and said “hello mom.”

“What are you doing up so early?” his mom said.

“Well,” he said, “I uh… have something at school this morning and need to get there early for it. SO if you’ll excuse me, I have to be going,” he said attempting to leave.

“Oh really, what do you have to do there?” his mom said.

“Uh,” Pocket Pair said turning around, “I have to get there early for a club meeting,” he said, then instantly winced as he knew what was coming next.

“Oh, and what club are you meeting for?” his mom said.

“Uh,” Pocket Pair said, getting annoyed at all the questions, “I don’t know. But I really have to go so goodbye,” he said turning and attempting to leave again.

“Yes you do know,” his mom said, “so tell me, what club are you meeting for?”

“I don’t know damnit,” Pocket Pair said turning around again, “now let me go already.”

“Oh excuse me,” his mom said, “I just want to know what’s going on in my son’s life. Is that such a crime?”

“Yes,” Pocket Pair said, “Because by asking me all these questions, you are delaying me from getting where I need to be. And besides, we both know you don’t actually give a damn what goes on in my life, so why do you even care if I don’t tell you?”

“What!” his mother said, “where did you get an idea like that.”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Pocket Pair said, “every single time I try to tell you or dad about my friendship problem, instead of hearing me out, you just tell me to shut up and ignore me? Where did I get such an idea indeed.”

“Grr,” his mom said, “Not this AGAIN!”

“See, case in point,” Pocket Pair said, “You never listen to a thing I say, and while that on its own is rude, you have to go the extra mile and actively try and shut me down whenever I try to talk about that issue. And then in spite of that you still have the gall to go and say that you care about me? F**k you lying b***h!”

“EXCUSE ME?” his mom said angrily, “That’s it! You’re grounded after school today.”

“Yeah yeah, using your power to shut me up instead of actually changing how you act, how original,” Pocket Pair said.

“And the day after tomorrow too,” his mother said. “Wanna go for the rest of the week?”

Pocket Pair, realizing that this wasn’t getting anywhere, said “whatever,” before he grabbed a banana and walked out of the room before any more damage could be done. He then grabbed his rolling backpack, opened the door to the house, and exited it.

As he walked down the path to his house, he said “grounding me?! The nerve of her. I may have called her out and all but come on, she was asking for it. I mean really, it’s not like I’m asking for a million dollars here, I’m just asking to be listened to. And I’m sorry, if that simple task is too much for her and my dad to manage, then there really isn’t much I can do for them. And the worst part of it is, instead of either of them owning up to their failures and maybe working to correct them, they ALWAYS hide behind their power and punish me for supposedly getting out of line when I bring it up, meaning nothing ever changes. F*****g BULLSHIT!” he said before he ate the banana.

He then said, “Honestly, this is why I need new friends to begin with, because literally everyone I know keeps failing me and they never change when I tell them it bothers me. But if this is how they acted, what hope is there to believe anyone else will act better?,” he said dejectedly. However, then he straightened up and said, “No, I can’t give up yet. This year may have started badly, but sometimes the best of things have the worst of beginnings. Plus, I still have my master plan, and based on how much effort I put into making it and all the things I considered there is no way it can possibly fail. I just need to get the kinks ironed out and have a positive outlook and I will soon be rolling in more friends, and p***y, than I know what to do with. And what better way to create a positive outlook, than to do something I’m good at, texas hold’em poker,” he said as he whipped out his phone and opened the DH Texas Poker App on it.

He then said “And to commemorate my new beginning this year, I think it’s time I man up and move up the stakes and play at a new limit,” he said as he selected Macau casino and bought in for the max of 16 million chips. “Who knows, at this limit maybe I can actually play against some real players for once, not like those donkeys at the lower stakes,” he said cynically. However he quickly got annoyed and rolled his eyes when the player behind him opened insanely large with jack ten and someone else called him with seven nine. “Hm, of course. Even though I went up in stakes, there’s still donks to be found. Am I ever going to be able to play real poker here?” he said exasperated.

However, he then smiled mischeviously and said “Oh well, as annoying as they are, bad players at higher stakes means that there’s far more money to be made if I can bust em. And I know just how to go about doing that with a dumbass like this. Wait for a good hand, set a trap for him, and then back raise the b*****d all-in when he pot commits himself by raising too big. This year might just start out pretty damn great after all,” he said as he mucked his rubbish and walked to school, waiting for a hand he could trap the donk with.

…………………………………………………….

As he approached the school, Pocket Pair groaned and said “oh come on, seven deuce AGAIN!” as he folded. “I mean at least it was suited this time but COME ON! I can’t shove on that clown with this rubbish, even if his range is any two cards. I need something like a pocket pair or a decent ace so that I’ll be well ahead of his range and sure I’m getting it in good. But the way I’ve been running I haven’t even had one opportunity to do that. I mean really, would a f*****g ace be too much to ask for here?” he said as he entered the school itself.

However, to his surprise a voice behind him answered his question and said, “well, I for one don’t think that is too much to ask, considering the chances of getting a single ace preflop are about 15% nine handed. But that’s not really the question we should be asking now is it? I think the real question is why do you have a cellphone out on school grounds young man?  And you better think of your excuse well, because if I sense you’re lying I’ll send you to the principal’s office without so much as a second thought”

“Uh, I, you see” Pocket Pair said turning around to address the person with a worried look on his face. However, as soon that the person who addressed him was the school janitor, a tall thin man sporting a chaotic look in his eyes and with gray spiky hair and a gray goatee, his expression quickly changed to one of anger. “Hey, you’re not a teacher,” he said and was greeted by the man busting out in laughter.

“Oh you should have seen the look on your face,” the janitor laughed. “I really got you to think I was going to report you there didn’t I? Oh too easy!” he said as he slapped his knee.

“Oh Yeah,” Pocket Pair retorted, before smiling smugly and saying “of course I did, because at the time I thought you actually were somebody important. However, thankfully, now I know that is about as far from the case as possible here, so there’s no need for me to worry now is there?”

“Hmm,” the janitor said stopping his laughter. “I have to admit that was a nice retort kid. But let’s be fair here, that’s hitting a little below the belt now, isn’t it?” he said grabbing his belt and pulling his pants up high on his body.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Pocket Pair said. “And you know why? Because just by looking at you I can tell there is NOTHING below the belt to hit.  So tell me, how old were you when your parents finally realized you were a boy and changed your birth certificate to the proper gender? Ten years old?”

“Hm,” the janitor said rubbing his chin, “you certainly have a quick wit about you now don’t you? Maybe I should have thought twice before messing with you just now”

“Yeah, you probably should have,” Pocket Pair said, “but then again, you probably didn’t even think ONCE so I’ll forgive you for not doing so twice.”

The janitor, after thinking for a bit, looked at the Pocket Pair and said,” You know what, I like you. I am very experienced at messing with people and you are one of the first who was able to throw it right back in my face like that so quickly.” He then reached out his hand and said “The name’s Discord, commander of chaos and advocator of anarchy. Loose cannon cop who doesn’t follow the rules and lives life on the edge. And, just between you and me, I also play a pretty mean game of poker” he said gloating.

“Pocket Pair,” Pocket Pair replied shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet, wait WHAT!,” Discord said in shock, Your name is Pocket Pair? As in a type of hand in texas hold’em pocket pair?”

“Yeah?” Pocket Pair said irritated, ”do you have a problem with that?”

“No, it’s just… wow,” Discord said shocked. “Who the hell names their kid Pocket Pair?”

“I don’t know,” Pocket Pair said, “probably the same people who name their kid Discord.”

“Hmm, touché,” Discord said. “Well in any case Pocket Pair, you really do need to put your phone away in school. After all, it is against the rules and whatnot”

“Oh come on,” Pocket Pair said slyly, “Certainly an anarchist like you doesn’t care whether or not I follow the rules. After all, where’s the chaos in that?”

“Hm, when you put it that way…..” Discord said thinking. “Ok, I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you keep playing and causing chaos if you do one thing for me.”

“What’s that?” Pocket Pair said.

“Just write your name on these detention slips I’m issuing you for using your phone in school.” Discord said.

“WHAT, but I thought,” Pocket Pair said incredulously before Discord busted out laughing again.

“Oh come on, that was TOO easy.” Discord said holding his stomach. “I don’t even have the authority to issue detention slips. You really are so gullible.” Pocket Pair responded by glaring at him with a death stare and Discord stopped laughing and said “Woah now, don’t bore a hole through my brain. Alright, I’ll stop messing with you… for now at least. But in any case I’m serious. You have to put the phone away. Because, while it is true that I don’t care whether or not you have it out the teachers on the whole do not tend to share my opinion on that issue. In fact, I’ll bet you more than anything that they would have already gotten you in trouble by now for failing to put it away. Is it really worth risking getting in trouble just so you can play some more on your phone?”

Pocket Pair, after sighing, said “Ok, point taken, I’ll put it away,” he said reaching to close out of the app. However, after seeing he had been dealt pocket kings, he said “AFTER this hand, I am not passing on this opportunity.”

Discord looked over his shoulder and said, “Oh, Pocket Kings eh? Yes that certainly is worth making exceptions now isn’t it? How big are you going to raise it with all those limpers before you?”

“None,” Pocket Pair said just calling.

“What, why would you limp there?” Discord said. “You do realize that with so many other players involved the chances of your kings holding up are miniscule right? Why on earth wouldn’t you raise there?”

“Just watch, “ Pocket Pair said smugly, and Discord, looking at the screen, saw the next player raise huge again. “Gotcha you son of a b***h.” Pocket Pair said.

“Oh, now I see,” Discord said, “you have a donkey at the table and want him to pot commit himself before you shove on him. Oh that’s just brilliant.”

“Thank you,” Pocket Pair said, and then noticed action was on him. “hmm,” he said faking contemplation, ”I don’t know. I think my kings are good but I could be up against aces. I better take some time to think here.”

“Woah woah woah, “Discord said, “don’t slowroll him now. Remember, Karma can be a b***h.”

“And why shouldn’t I slowroll him?” Pocket Pair said, “This guy’s been sucking out left and right and saying thanks when he does so as if he deserved to win. He’s a jerk and deserves what he’s getting here. Maybe it will teach him to actually have some manners when he plays from now on,” he said before shoving all-in just as the time ran out. His opponent then quickly called and a 30 million chip pot was brewing. The flop of king of spades, king of clubs, queen of spades was then dealt and Pocket Pair said “Yes, quads son. You can write that check to king of the world if you please.” he said looking away from his phone to face Discord.

Discord however said, “uh, you may want to look at the board before you assume you’ve won,” pointing to the phone.

Pocket Pair, looking back at the phone, grew a little concerned when he saw that a running jack and ten of spades had put four cards to a straight flush on the board. However, he said “Oh, come on.  Sure he could have me beat but I don’t see a reason to worry. This jackass could have any two…” but he stopped short as he saw his opponent turn over nine deuce of spades for a king high straight flush , beating his four of a kind and winning the hand. As the money was scooped to his, he said thanks, and Pocket Pair, in shock, declined the offer to put more money and the table and exited the app.

“Ouch” Discord said, “I mean I’m all for chaos and whatnot but…. that’s just mean., “ he said looking at Pocket Pair and seeing he still hadn’t moved after losing the pot. “Woah, you ok there Pocket Pair?” Discord said.

“HE called a shove, with nine deuce,” Pocket Pair said flatly.

“Huh, what was that? I didn’t hear you” Discord said.

“He called a f*****g shove with NINE MOTHERFUCKING DEUCE!” Pocket Pair shouted before chucking his phone on the floor in anger.

“Woah woah woah, “ Discord said, “chill out will you. I mean that was ungodly awful bad beat you just took just there, but come on. You can’t let it get you down. You played that hand perfectly.”

“YEAH, SURE I DID,” Pocket Pair shouted, “AND WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT? THAT F****R SAYING THANKS LIKE AN A*****E WHEN HE WINS THE POT ANYWAYS INSTEAD OF GETTING PUNISHMENT FOR HIS ACTIONS! BULLSHIT!”

“Yes, he was quite an a*****e wasn’t he,” Discord said, “And I should know, I act like an a*****e all the time for fun. But you can’t let how he acted get you down. It still is just a game after all.”

“Oh is that so?” Pocket Pair said, “Well I’ll show that guy a game, “he said pounding one fist into the other in anger.

Discord, looking at him in shock, said “ok, methinks you  have played enough poker for today.” he said before reaching down and picking up Pocket Pair’s cell phone off the ground. He then turned it off and handed it to him saying “this my friend belongs to you.”

“Thanks,” Pocket Pair said, “But you’re not my friend. You’re only my acquaintance”

“Well,” Discord said, “acquaintance is better than what most people call me, so I’ll take that as a compliment.” He then looked at the clock and said “well in any case Pocket Pair, it’s time for me to go. I have business to attend to and can’t chat all day. But if you ever want to shoot the s**t or play a game of poker against me, feel free to stop by my office anytime chum, I promise I’ll only cheat a little.” He then leaned in to whisper “just make sure you knock first. Sometimes I do stuff in my office I don’t want the faculty finding out about. Stuff involving animated horses on a children’s TV show.” Discord then stood up straight, turned around, and walked away.

Pocket Pair, watching him round a corner, said “Well that was interesting. I honestly don’t know what to think about that guy. Maybe he was actually being serious about the poker games?” However, he then shook his head and said, “no, I can’t trust him. I mean yes he did say he likes me, but I highly doubt that means he actually wants to spend time with me. No one else ever has before when they’ve said stuff like that, and I highly doubt a self-proclaimed ‘commander of chaos’ like him will be the one to break that trend. So, regardless of what he said, I do indeed still have a friendship problem, and the only way I am going to solve it is to refine my master plan and set it in motion as soon as possible.”

However, he was caught by surprise when a British accent responded, “Oh really, and just what master plan is this pray tell?”

“Oh,… hi Ralph,” Pocket Pair said turning towards the source of the voice and seeing the Brit of modest height, red spiky hair, and white skin.

“Hi yourself my lad,” Ralph said, “now tell me, what is this master plan you just mentioned mate? Might it have anything to do with what you texted me about last night?”

“Maybe,” Pocket Pair said, before saying, “wait, you got my message?”

“Yeah,” Ralph said, “At four in the morning. Why does that surprise you?”

“Well,” Pocket Pair said, “you didn’t say anything so I thought maybe you were ignoring me or something.”

“Oh come on,” Ralph said, “I wasn’t ignoring you mate. It’s just that I figured it wasn’t necessary to respond since first of all, it was so late when I got it I wasn’t even sure you’d still be up, and second, I knew I was going to see you anyways today so I figured I’d just address it then.”

“Hmmm” Pocket Pair said dejected, “I guess.” Before an awkward silence passed between them.

“Well, in any case,” Ralph said breaking it “I’m still curious. What exactly is this plan you sent me a text message about last night?”

“Well,” Pocket Pair said, “I could tell you now, but I won’t.”

“Oh,” Ralph said, “and why not, we’re friends aren’t we?”

“Perhaps,” Pocket Pair said, earning an upset look from Ralph. “That honestly doesn’t have anything to do with it though. I need to wait to tell you because Applejack isn’t around now and I want both of your feedback when I do discuss this plan.”

“Oh  come on,” Ralph said, “you can tell me now can’t you? What’s the harm in that?”

“Well,” Pocket Pair said, “If I tell you now then you might tell Applejack. And if you tell Applejack then she won’t be hearing my plan with an unbiased opinion, and it could screw up everything. So rather than tell you now, I just would prefer to wait until lunch to discuss this matter.”

“I guess” Ralph said, “I mean I would prefer to hear it now, but if you want to wait then I’m not going to stop you.  So in any case, I guess if we’re not going to discuss this now, I best be getting off to class. Wanna make a good impression this year and all.” He said turning to walk away.  “I’ll see you at lunch mate.” He said over his shoulder.

“See you at lunch,” Pocket Pair said, as he watched Ralph round the corner out of view.

He then turned around and walked down the hall towards his class.

Ralph meanwhile, had nearly reached his class and was about to enter it when he heard a southern accent say “there ya are Ralph. Ah’v been lookin all over for ya.”

“Oh hey Applejack,” Ralph said turning to face the girl who stood behind him. She was of average height and had blonde hair, freckles on her cheeks, and orange skin. She sported a pair of shoes with apples on them, a denim skirt fastened by a belt with an apple buckle on it, and a button up shirt which was white on the sleeves and stomach region and green in the region above her chest. And topping it all off, she wore her trademarked brown Stetson hat on her head.

“Why did you need to find me so bad,” Ralph said, “finally see how handsome I am and come here to ask me out I presume?”

“Ha ha ha, very funny,” Applejack said rolling her eyes at him.  She then said “but seriously, have ya by any chance seen Pocket Pair anywhere around here at all?”

“Woah,” Ralph said, “what’s with the interest in him? Isn’t the Ralphinator good enough for you lass?”

“Ugh,” Applejack groaned,” Please Ralph, this is serious. Ah need to find him as soon as possible. Ah think something’s wrong.”

“Woah,” Ralph said,” you think something’s wrong?... But I just talked to him like two seconds ago and he seemed perfectly fine.”

“Ya did?” Applejack said,” which way did he go? Ah need to speak with him right now.”

“That way,” Ralph said pointing to the direction he had just come from, and he was immediately grabbed by Applejack and dragged a few feet in that direction.

“Woah there cowgirl,” Ralph said breaking free from her grasp, “mind telling me what the urgency is all about?”

“No time,” Applejack said, “We need to find Pocket Pair right now.” She said grabbing his hand and trying to drag him.

Ralph however, broke free again and said “not until I hear what this is about.”

Applejack groaning, said, “Alright, if ah tell ya then will ya come with me?”

“Well I’d rather come on you but…” Ralph said trying to make a joke, but a death stare from Applejack caused him to shut up, and he said “ok, I promise. If you tell me what the problem is I will come with you.”

“Ok,” Applejack said, before inhaling deep and saying  “last night at like four A.M., ah was putting mah sister Applebloom to bed because she was having trouble sleeping. And while that went without incident, just as ah had gotten her to fall asleep and was leavin her room, ah got a text message from Pocket Pair on mah phone. Curious, ah opened it up and he said that he needed to talk and that it was important.”

“Applejack,” Ralph said, but was cut off.

“So ah texted him back asking what’s up, and instead of telling me, he just asked what ah was doing up and so ah told him what ah just told you and then ah asked him again and then..”

“Applejack, “ Ralph interjected again, but she continued to talk.

“He said it was getting late, and didn’t want to talk, and when ah said he needed to tell me or ah’d never know what was wrong, he stopped talking altogether.”

“APPLEJACK” Ralph shouted.

“WHAT IN TARNATION RALPH,” Applejack said, “CAN’T YA’LL HERE AH’M TRYIN TO TALK HERE!?!?!”

“Yes,” Ralph said, “but I’m trying to talk too, and what I have to say is that Pocket Pair also sent me the exact same text message.”

“WHAT!” Applejack said in shock, “HE DID?”

“Yes,” Ralph said, “So there’s no need to worry because,” but Applejack cut him off.

”Oh this is worse than ah thought,” Applejack said

“And how is this?” Ralph asked.

“Because,” Applejack said, “If he felt it was necessary to text both of us about this issue, rather than just one of us, then he must be in worse trouble than ah originally thought. Come on,” she said trying to grab his arm and drag him, “we gotta go talk to him right now!”

“NO,” Ralph said breaking free.

“No” Applejack said angrily, “Ya’ll promised you would come with me if ah told you why ah was worried!”

“Yes,” Ralph said, “but that was before I knew, you were getting all worked up over nothing. Now I think we should all just calm down and”

“ALL WORKED UP OVER NUTHIN?!” Applejack shouted taking Ralph by shock and throwing her hands up in the air. “HOW CAN YA’LL BE SO STUPID. YA’LL REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE ACTED LIKE THIS? WITH THE YOUTUBE TROLLS?”

“This is nothing like,” Ralph said, but was cut off.

“DO YA?” Applejack shouted.

“Yes,” Ralph said rolling his eyes. “How could I forget? Pocket Pair called out some trolls on a YouTube tribute video for the rude comments they were making, and they got so pissed at him that they began making death threats against him, causing him to descend into paranoia and consider seeking police protection.”

“That’s right,” Applejack said, “and when that happened, he acted very similarly to how he is now. SO tell me oh wise Ralph, how can ya’ll say ah’m getting worked up over nothing here? Especially considering none of us have talked to him about this? Huh, dumbass?”

“Because,” Ralph said, “I just finished talking to Pocket Pair like two minutes ago about this very issue, and he said this was a plan that he wanted to speak about to us at lunch today. No trolls, no death threats, absolutely NOTHING to worry about.”

“Oh, really?” Applejack asked.

“Yes,” Ralph said.

“Well land sakes Ralph,” Applejack said, “Why didn’t ya tell me sooner?”

“I tried,” Ralph said, “ but you kept cutting me off.”

“Oh,” Applejack said blushing, “maybe ah shoulda heard ya out before ah assumed you weren’t taking this seriously.”

“Yeah,” Ralph said snidely, “But it’s understandable, considering I am a dumbass after all according to you.”

“Oh yeah,” Applejack said, “Ah probably shouldn’t have called ya that should I have? Ah’m sorry. DO ya forgive me?”

“Yes,” Ralph said, “but this yelling thing you do really needs to stop. I mean seriously, what’s up with you anyways? You get set off at the slightest provocation nowadays.”

“Yes, ah know” applejack said, “Ah’m just stressed out, that’s all. Business on the farm aint what it used to be lately and it’s got everyone there on edge. Makin matters worse, Big Mac’s got it in his head that ah’m gonna get seduced by some guy at this school and end up pregnant or something, and he keeps pesterin me about it day in and day out. And then there’s the matter of Pocket Pair. Every day he seems to close up tighter and push us away further, and ah want to do something to change it so badly, but he never opens up to me enough to do that, and it drives me crazy. So as a can see, ah got a lot on my plate Ralph.”

“Yeah, I cannot deny that” Ralph said, “However, you really need to keep that temper of yours under control Applejack. You’re gonna end up starting a barney if you lose it at the wrong person.”

“Woah woah woah now,” Applejack said, “Sure ah may be a little irritable at times but ah got everything under control, so stop acting like this is the worst thing ever. It could be so much worse. Ah could be a stripper or a drug addict or worse still, a DYKE.”

“APPLEJACK,” Ralph said annoyed, “how many times have I told you to stop saying stuff like that?”

“And what’s so wrong about that stuff,” Applejack said, “Dykes are untrustworthy backstabbing sons of b*****s. You can’t trust em as far as ya can throw em, so ah call em out on it, plain and simple.”

“Oh would you stop saying that,” Ralph said, “I mean honestly, do you WANT people to think of you as the stereotypical southerner, because let me tell you, even though I’ve known you for over a year I have a hard time not being convinced. What do you think strangers think when they hear you talk about dykes… er um homosexuals like that?”

“Oh who cares what they think,” Applejack said, “what’s important at the end of the day is the fact that ah know from experience that what ah say is right. And if you were wise you’d listen too.”

“Experience?” Ralph said, “What experience? Huh? Who exactly have you know that was gay that acted in the way you claim gay people act?”

“Um…” Applejack said… “Well, the details aint important. What is important is that ah know the truth.”

“Perhaps,” Ralph said. “Honestly Applejack, you’re a nice caring girl, always want the best for your friends, and are very intelligent to boot. I fail to see how you can have such an enormous flaw in your perception like that.”

“It aint no flaw, it’s an exemplary trait,” Applejack said, “and ah hope someday ya'll come to have it too."

“Yeah, whatever,” Ralph said not wanting to discuss the issue further. He then looked at the clock and said “Well in any case, I really should be heading to class. See you at lunch Applejack.”

“See ya at lunch Ralph,” Applejack said. “And don’t ya wait fer me to show to start eatin ya hear. Ah’m gonna be stocking the vending machines around school with fizzy apple cider during the first few minutes of lunch so ah should be a bit late.”

“Hey, more food for me then,” Ralph said, “of course, the tallest drink of water around here is you so.”

“Heh,” Applejack chuckled rolling her eyes, “you and yer jokes.  Ah swear, sometimes ah wonder if ah’m friends with a man or a dog.”

“Sometimes I wonder too,” Ralph said, before turning and entering his class. Applejack then turned and walked away, before she rounded a corner and disappeared from sight.