O’rising moon!

O’rising moon!

A Poem by Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-
"

For someone I yearn for

"

O rising moon with thy light!

Shining mute throughout the night

Thou are eminent in the sky

Amid roses black and dry

Pick one vivid still, and bright

Wrap it tenderly in night

Spray stardust for it to gleam

And match the smile of my dream

 

O rising moon with thy light!

Shining at the end of sight

Why are thee stray in space?

And why are tears on thy face?

It’s some time and she'll waken

And all sorrows will be taken

Warmth will spread so fast

Banishing our banes to past


O rising moon with thy light!

Shining mute throughout the night.

Please descend from thy throne!

Kill the hours I spend alone!

Bring to life the sight I miss

The pearly face of our princess

© 2013 Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-


Author's Note

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-
For "Seenamease McNemora"... May you rest in peace...

My Review

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Featured Review

Second time you use "night" in the first stanza, I'd replace it with something else. I understand you are trying to keep in the rhyme scheme, but it's too much "night" for one stanza.

I'm glad you wrote about one of my favorite subjects--the lovely moon.

Interesting that it is "our princess." The speaker shares this femininity with the moon. I'd like to see more of this interesting relationship.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

I'd take your suggestion in consideration. However, the usage of night in the 6th line was not solel.. read more



Reviews

Loved the imagery and it flowed quite well. Great tribute!!!! Sorry for your loss!!!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much!
I liked the gothic, eerie atmosphere you created in this poem. I found it a smooth read.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

I am honored, thank you
Second time you use "night" in the first stanza, I'd replace it with something else. I understand you are trying to keep in the rhyme scheme, but it's too much "night" for one stanza.

I'm glad you wrote about one of my favorite subjects--the lovely moon.

Interesting that it is "our princess." The speaker shares this femininity with the moon. I'd like to see more of this interesting relationship.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

I'd take your suggestion in consideration. However, the usage of night in the 6th line was not solel.. read more
I like it. Good piece

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

thank you
Wowwwwww... this is another side of yours that i didn't expect it , our words are our secrets ;) And she is really lucky and she will feel happy if read such lovely words. I liked this side of you i wish to see more of it :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Shining, one 'n'. 'eminent 'in' the sky, Among 'the' roses, 'among' sounding as a single syllable here. 'Pick one vivid still, and bright' helps the metre. Always try to maintain the metre; 'Wrap it tenderly in the night'; 'Shade her lakes' seems to have been inserted solely for the rhyme, but doesn't really make much sense. Kill the hours I spend alone, Bring to life the 'sight' I miss, etc. The first line of the last verse could do with a comma after moon. (Well, you did ask - lol)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

Please Mr.David dont stop! I know I asked for it and I need it, otherwise, how would I learn?
.. read more
Lovely write Adam. What lucky lady would not want such poetry written for her? She is fortunate indeed.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

May she rest in peace...
I love the imagery in this piece.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

Thank you
Check others, this is quite simple :)
Lovely write!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

8 Years Ago

Thank you :)

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12 Reviews
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Added on January 20, 2013
Last Updated on January 22, 2013
Tags: poetry, moon, luna, rising, archaic, love, yearn, pain, grief, vivid, pretty, tears
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Author

Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-
Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-

Amman, Middle East, Jordan



About
"A poet from the dark realm, from the world of Gothic hymns" Please visit my website http://adamnlebzo.wix.com/ronnin-warrior Name: Adam lebzo Age: 21 Hobbies: 1 Ninjutsu, Kung fu shaolin, Ji.. more..

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