Sonnet XII - A brood at night sky

Inspired by the beautiful night sky

Have you ever brooded at orphic night?

Into its indigo rug of black magic,

And the sparkling gems of divine light,

Engrafted in its fleecy ace fabric.

 

I alight lone under their silent spark,

Cast my sight throughout the secretive sky.

From my inferno of blood, haze and dark,

I spread my wings, out of Hades, I fly!

 

Are they memories? Ancient lores of yore,

Or guiding souls of those whom passed away,

Maybe the eyes of death, bright and galore,

Watching plain at night secretly at day.

 

Or a reflection of hopes to aspire,

To sustain an aeonian will of  fire.

Author's Note

This is version '1' still casting around for feedback... Please say what you think
I am not liking this piece that much
Be picky and mean!

Reviews

[September Solis]

Wow! How can you say you don't like this much? This is the first I've read from you, but it's beautiful. I love the word choice. Very different!

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you very much!
very flattered... well, its not my best lol

[September Solis]

Regardless, great work! :) I sure hope you are published already, because you deserve to be with such talent! And you're welcome :)

[KeeD]

Into its indigo rug of black magic, - buddy, buddy, wow!!!! .. this is one of the most creative lines i've read. beautiful piece capturing the marvelous night sky

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you again, Keegan
Always looking forward to hear your opinion

[LA Lorena]

the third line in the third stanza....bright and galore? it just sounds awkward and contrived to my ear. The rest of it I liked, but that line glares at me. It feels forced in its rhyme.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Galore means abundant or In great numbers, and bright is a feature of a star, it sounds normal to me, i dont know!

[LA Lorena]

I know what galore means! LOL! It just does not sound right to me to say that the eyes of death are galore. It just seems awkward to my ear is all.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I understand! But don't you think sometimes that should have so much eyes in order to see us all LOL!
Just a dash of fantasy that's it
Regardless, thank you for your hint! Highly appreciated :)

[WingsToFly]

but i like it. It was enjoyable to read.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

thank you :)