Picking Dandelions

Picking Dandelions

A Poem by Adam, the Grub Street Lodger
"

A sentimental poem about a little girl picking flowers for her sick mum.

"

“Those aint flowers”, my brother laughs,

 looking at me like I’m daft

 as I proudly hold the posy in my hand.

“That’s not a proper flower, and they aren’t a proper present, you don’t get it,” but he doesn’t understand.


He didn’t see, you see, 

the bother and the fear that I suffered to grab the little blooms.

He doesn’t spot the small tear forming on my small face 

as he turns and goes back into his room.


I found these sparks of gold by the wasteland near the road where the cars and the lorries all zoom by,

Where I risked every bone and I wanted to go home and I was worried that I was going to die.

And as each car came past, I feared it was the last time that I would breathe again.

Through each lorry’s fearful roar, I just kept on picking more ‘cos I’d be finished and I’d be happy then.


These dandelions for Mum, they look like the sun and they shine like she does when she’s well.

They will bring their bright new life, and despite the doctor’s knife, Mum will smile because they’re from her little girl.

When they die, which will be soon, they will turn into the moon and softly and silently flit away.

She’ll will be left with stalks and water but because they’re from her daughter, she’ll keep them there day after day.


My mum will understand, as I hold her pale limp hand and I put them in the cup beside her bed

The dandelions, you see, are not just dandelions to me, they are my praise that though she’s ill - she is not dead.




© 2012 Adam, the Grub Street Lodger


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

You should be consistent in punctuation. Opt out altogether, or put all the apostrophes in. I know. Minimalist, right? Keep out the periods and sh!t. It really works. But "ain't" is in deficit of a serious apostrophe. This next line is such a banality that it actually works, only because it's the only banal thing about this whole thing:"He didn’t see, you see,". I found these sparks of gold by the wasteland near the road where the cars and the lorries all zoom by," is a touch of brilliance on your end. The "and" in "And as each car came past.." runs the phonemes on, like a stack of beats. You need a complete stop. I'm fairly certain it would perfect the next line and add connotation that it could be lacking. "They will bring their bright new life, and despite the doctor’s knife, Mum will smile because they’re from her little girl." is great. Wow. Wow. W.o.w. Typo:"She’ll will be left..." A few purposed comma splices running throughout, but you can keep them. I'm not speaking in any sort of imperative here. It is used in modern poetic conventions. Considered acceptable. I just don't like them. I'm not a traditionalist, but I don't like comma splices in generally. I like smooth flow, full stops, and clear beat that anyone can pick up on, you know? The last line, save for the comma splice, is stunning. I'm really dying of sorrowful cuteness overload because of this poem. Thanks for posting! I can relate to its theme VERY personally. Props.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"small tear forming on my small face " - you could cut one of the 'small's' in my opinion.

Fantastic rhythm in places that just leaves the lines flowing effortlessly from one to the other. The use of imagery, particularly the dandelions, was great and made this piece pretty stellar.

Nicely penned!

Posted 8 Years Ago


You should be consistent in punctuation. Opt out altogether, or put all the apostrophes in. I know. Minimalist, right? Keep out the periods and sh!t. It really works. But "ain't" is in deficit of a serious apostrophe. This next line is such a banality that it actually works, only because it's the only banal thing about this whole thing:"He didn’t see, you see,". I found these sparks of gold by the wasteland near the road where the cars and the lorries all zoom by," is a touch of brilliance on your end. The "and" in "And as each car came past.." runs the phonemes on, like a stack of beats. You need a complete stop. I'm fairly certain it would perfect the next line and add connotation that it could be lacking. "They will bring their bright new life, and despite the doctor’s knife, Mum will smile because they’re from her little girl." is great. Wow. Wow. W.o.w. Typo:"She’ll will be left..." A few purposed comma splices running throughout, but you can keep them. I'm not speaking in any sort of imperative here. It is used in modern poetic conventions. Considered acceptable. I just don't like them. I'm not a traditionalist, but I don't like comma splices in generally. I like smooth flow, full stops, and clear beat that anyone can pick up on, you know? The last line, save for the comma splice, is stunning. I'm really dying of sorrowful cuteness overload because of this poem. Thanks for posting! I can relate to its theme VERY personally. Props.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful write.
Thank you for this.

Posted 8 Years Ago


"..left with stalks and water"
this line in and of itself tells the tale.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I adore you Adam.
You make me cry.
You may find a boy doing the same with his mother in my poem,The Farmhouse.
Lovely work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


A wonderful tribute to one's sick mother, my friend. Sometimes in life, it's the "little things" we give those we truly cherish and love that are most appreciated. Good work!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

807 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on June 28, 2012
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: dandelions, sentimental, little girl, sick mum

Author

Adam, the Grub Street Lodger
Adam, the Grub Street Lodger

London, United Kingdom



About
My novel, 'Death of a Dreamonger' is on sale now. Order your copy at www.britainsnextbestseller.co.uk A video to explain who's who and what's what (2 mins). more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..