Mole People

Mole People

A Poem by Aethereal
"

This is all about the self-imposed chains that bind.

"

Mole People

 

Like a timid little mole,

everyone hides in their hole,

void of spirit, dark as coal,

just a speck of all that's whole.

 

No one has a higher goal,

than to keep what they control,

a monotonous drum roll

lacking rhythm, lacking soul.

© 2014 Aethereal


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Featured Review

Great poem! Congratulations on the effective rhyming! I have two suggestions though...

First you may want to consider changing the 'but' on the sixth line to 'than'. I think it feels a little more correct and it sets up some subtle alliteration with 'they' later in the line.

Second, the seventh line breaks a rather driving rhythm. If you were to switch the seventh and eighth lines you would not lose any meaning and then the final line would break the rhythm. The 'same drab drum roll' would act as breaks, bringing the roller coaster of rhythm to a gentle but great end.

Cheers,
Lawrence
Constructive Critics Group

***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your highly detailed review, Lawrence! I'm always open to constructive advice, and you ha.. read more
LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

Glad to be of service!
Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks again!



Reviews

Wow someone really corrected you ? I thought computer never makes error or mistakes ? LOL

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Yes, after a certain threshold point is reached, a conscious artificial intelligence would control i.. read more
NeiL ArandA

6 Years Ago

I see what you mean Aethereal but it also has its own Achilles heel unless it has some defence again.. read more
Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Not if it has an internal atomic power supply and it's shielded against EMP with a barrier that has .. read more
Oh, this is another excellent poem from you, Ae. I salute you when it comes to rhyming. You are really skilled in that aspect.

There are reasons why a certain person is timid. Well, anything and everything has always a reason of existence.

Nice presentation based on your observation on people.
Thanks for the share.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your detailed review, Daisie! I guess that a ground mole has good reason to be timid. She.. read more
Good rhyming, creating a neat easy to read piece, I like the clear way you have delivered your message, that also makes this fun to read.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your detailed review, Leigh! I always try to make my language sound as much like normal s.. read more
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A thought provoking poem. You have made some excellent points. Bravo..............

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sami Khalil

6 Years Ago

As you like or chose. Be blessed...:)........................
Aethereal

6 Years Ago

This mole hasn't the brain power to be aware of any choices other than what underground tunnel she s.. read more
Sami Khalil

6 Years Ago

:)........................
nice rhythm and rhyming. Interesting write nicely presenting the subject being

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for reviewing this tiny mole poem, I Have A Voice!
Great poem! Congratulations on the effective rhyming! I have two suggestions though...

First you may want to consider changing the 'but' on the sixth line to 'than'. I think it feels a little more correct and it sets up some subtle alliteration with 'they' later in the line.

Second, the seventh line breaks a rather driving rhythm. If you were to switch the seventh and eighth lines you would not lose any meaning and then the final line would break the rhythm. The 'same drab drum roll' would act as breaks, bringing the roller coaster of rhythm to a gentle but great end.

Cheers,
Lawrence
Constructive Critics Group

***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your highly detailed review, Lawrence! I'm always open to constructive advice, and you ha.. read more
LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

Glad to be of service!
Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks again!
You're rhyming crazy, that's what you are; thanks for becoming my fan; boy, you have NO idea what your in for!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your review and warning, Michael! I have some idea what I'm in for. Rhyme is my signiture.. read more
a good description of a lot of people like ants just going about there business ignoring the rest of the world

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your review, wordman! Most societies live within their limits as they naively consider th.. read more
 wordman

6 Years Ago

you wouldn't think people would still hold to those beliefs I guess they don`t have a mc donalds
Here's a nursery rhyme that bites back. A challenge you have given the reader, Athereal. Great write.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your review, Pryde! Many of my poems could be considered as nursery rhymes that could be .. read more
Pryde Foltz

6 Years Ago

Greedy mole. LOL
Moles...blind and in the dark. Stuck in their own drab, pointless routine. Kind of sad, actually. Insightful and interesting. Well done. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


Aethereal

6 Years Ago

Thanks for your review, Chidor! This is just the rut that most human beings are stuck in also. Most .. read more
Chidoriflower

6 Years Ago

You're very welcome. How...ironic....

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13 Reviews
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Added on April 15, 2014
Last Updated on April 20, 2014
Tags: mole, chains, freedom, conformity, hole, whole

Author

Aethereal
Aethereal

PA



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