Sittin' Sighin'

Sittin' Sighin'

A Poem by [deleted]

I hear songs on the radio

- Ones I know that you must love

And I wonder what you’re doing

Why so long you haven’t called?

What are you out there doing?

Am I never in you thoughts?

I don’t live quite so far away

That you could not get to

And I turn off that song on the radio

Wishing I could turn my mind off of you

 

You’ve left me out here stranded

Having once professed my love

While all the birds in pairs are flying

Into the gorgeous setting sun

My pride - no more can I bend it

So I sit and sigh for you,

Sitting here and sighing till the morning dawn turns new

I think I’ve cried out all my tears so there is nothing left to do.

 

Burned me once, and that’s shame on you

But not calling burns me more

I know that I am worth it

But you’re proving that you aren’t

I could talk to you for hours,

Millions of hours, please phone soon

And just let me hear your breathing

While we stare at same white moon

 

You’ve left me out here stranded

Having once professed my love

While all the birds in pairs are flying

Into the gorgeous setting sun

My pride - no more can I bend it

So I sit and sigh for you,

Sitting here and sighing till the morning dawn turns new

I think I’ve cried out all my tears so there is nothing left to do.

 

Don’t know why that I still love you but I know I really do

I can not help but smile at all my memories of you

Sure would like to share them

So the next time that you call

I will get my list out and I’ll say a few, not all

The list is so damn long now that I don’t know what I’d whim

So maybe I’ll just listen as closely as I possibly can

And see if I can figure how to win me back my man

© 2008 [deleted]


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A woderful write. I still can't emphasize enough though how trying to make a poem SOUND poetic can ruin it. I hate to nitpick at one line because this piece is so good. But here's my point. " My pride-no more can I bend it." Nobody talks like that, even to themselves unless they are being overly dramatic. It is better to say
" My pride can't bend anymore." Concentrate on description instead of a "poemsy" feel of language. (A rusty dagger of time through my heart was thrust) is not as poetic as say,... Tears of corrosion time has made, and stained with my blood her rusty blade, You really write beautifully but I think if you would LISTEN to your OWN voice in the poem you will become an even greater talent. I can hear your REAL voice here and it sounds great, now, trust it. I don't usually give such long reviews but you have talent that should not go to waste and I hope my advice will help you become a better writer.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Nice story in poem form .. but thats what poems are .. so .. i have to say i really like it .. it sings and reminds me of something Ani Difranco might sing .. it is sad, beautiul and hopeful and the girl seems strong .. as she knows she is worth it .. he shows he is not ,, very nice!

Chloe
xoxo

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 8, 2008


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