Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
The Wind In My Face Feels So Good

The Wind In My Face Feels So Good

A Poem by Ian
"

Falling into the void...

"

Feathers falling from nowhere

Soaring high in the sky with paper wings

You’ll never see two stars fall alike

 

I’m erratic, with no course, feeling lost

Searching for vacancy where there’s not

 

My sight now failing, these goddamned clouds

Crashing into mountains, my deepest fear

And even when I’m flying, I keep falling

When there’s no reason to keep rising

 

You whispered this lie way too many times

Now that I’ve returned the favor you feel so fragile

The wings have become your personal demon

 

I’m erratic, with no course, feeling lost

Searching for vacancy where there’s not

 

My sight now failing, these goddamned clouds

Crashing into mountains my deepest fear

And even when I’m flying, I keep falling

When there are reasons to make you fall

 

For sure, you are still an easy target

There are thousands of ways to fall

But only one way to rise from the ashes

 

I’m erratic, with no course, feeling lost

Trying to fly when I know I have no wings

 

Falling faster into the void, cars’ headlights blind me

Falling faster into the void, this is my last fall

Falling faster into the void, I never learned to fly

Falling faster into the void, will you ever catch me?

© 2009 Ian


Author's Note

Ian
Tell me what you think... Thanks for reading!

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

this is pretty good.
the first stanza has great imagery- i could picture it as i read along perfectly. and it really pulled me in to read

there were some 'off' words for descriptions used. they didn't fit with the whole piece. and then somewhere in the middle of this u lost me and it felt like some examples didnt tie into it.

overall, as it stands now, this lacks that AWE or WOW factor but i see its potential and with a little better grasp on language and what does and doesn't work, your writing will greatly improve.
good job.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like this, especially the last stanza.
It was very easy to picture and to envision it.
It isn't very stand out, but it is quite good ^_^

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is pretty good.
the first stanza has great imagery- i could picture it as i read along perfectly. and it really pulled me in to read

there were some 'off' words for descriptions used. they didn't fit with the whole piece. and then somewhere in the middle of this u lost me and it felt like some examples didnt tie into it.

overall, as it stands now, this lacks that AWE or WOW factor but i see its potential and with a little better grasp on language and what does and doesn't work, your writing will greatly improve.
good job.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I believe that this poem is emotionally descriptive in the visual descriptions. I do believe however that you could replace "god damned" with a more descriptive word for the clouds. Such as a color. I say pretty good poem over all though.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The word blood does not fit in these lyrics. And "catch me" should not be repeated at the end I guess. You could be way better off with some other sentence. The one at the end should be fine, might want to revise the second one. Good job overall.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a very good poem, but it has the potential to be so much better. Some parts kept me at the edge of my seat, while others left me confused or slightly disappointed. It's true that it is a long poem, but just because it's long doesn't mean it's descriptive enough. Some lines don't even make sense at all with anything in the poem.
Revise it and resubmit it.
:3

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

446 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 19, 2009
Last Updated on September 26, 2009
Previous Versions

Author

Ian
Ian

El Salvador



About
Hi, my name is Ian… I’ve lived 18 years so far; nothing at all, just a sparkle, a blink… but enough to know that this isn’t an easy road… 18 years of questioning m.. more..

Writing
7.5 7.5

A Story by Ian


Plastic Smiles Plastic Smiles

A Poem by Ian


Love Malfunction Love Malfunction

A Story by Ian



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Voyages Voyages

A Poem by Tate Morgan


Tin Man Tin Man

A Poem by Tate Morgan