There’s a big difference between being lonely and being alone, the last one does kill you. It hurts so badly when you’re all alone, you realize there isn’t a worth reason to keep on living, drains you, and makes you feel so vulnerable. But it’s so damn hard to find the right person, you want to find it no matter what but it doesn’t seem to be anywhere to be found and you start to think that you’re actually meant to be alone.
I read somewhere that love wasn’t about fitting in with a person but about how much you’re willing to change to fit in with that person. In that case we can imagine and say that love is like a puzzle, you have some of the pieces and the other person has the rest. The pieces will sometimes fit in and when they don’t, we’ll push them until they do, all because we want that person to be the right one, we want it to be that ray of light that we’ve been waiting for so long. And it all will be ok, things will start running, our hearts will start beating in an attempt to do it in the same rhythm, as one. Our mind will play us games making us believe this is love, and we’ll give everything to this makeshift romance, our mind, soul and body without realizing we’re actually walking to an awful crash. We’ll dream together with eternal sunsets, we’ll fantasize with hearts, roses, butterflies, rainbows, stars and the moon. Life will be what we’ve always wanted and our love will grow while a heartbreak is built inside of us. With time those pieces that we naively pushed, will start to get out of place, leaving a void, messing up with our delusive perfection. And this is when the skies begin to turn to black, the grayest clouds appear in the horizon covering the light of the sun, a storm is coming. Those pieces, those little things we pushed and we didn’t pay attention to, begin to swallow us, the world we created together, the only place we’ve ever feel safe is now going to become our tragedy, all because we didn’t fit in correctly, our selfishness, we wouldn’t change for the other but we thought it all was going to be just fine; now that mistake is going to wake us up from this dream by turning it into a nightmare. Disagreements, deceptions, sadness, fights, anger and screams twist together in a convulsive way razing every feeling of care and love we used to have for each other, slowly dragging us to a living hell. Hate will taint our hearts and souls killing all those happy moments we had, our rage will turn us into enemies and we’ll do anything to hurt the other, we’ll raise our guns and aim to each other’s hearts, both of us ready to drown in ammunition and we’ll love the explosive sound of the guns while the bullets go through our flesh, poisoning our bloodstream with scorn and the sweetest taste of revenge, we’ll both damage our hearts. There will be nothing left, just a pair of lovers, sank in the bottom of this sea of lava, wounded and stained by this awful war, a feeling of pain that will now be our shadow, a bunch of tragic memories, bad dreams, breakdowns and a mutilated heart frozen for the eternity as an useless attempt to keep it away from any harm, we’ll build a shell to lock ourselves forever and we’ll both wither… alone… in this hell we call life.
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