Crippled Flower

Years had come and gone,

and trees withered away,

New ones grown and loved,

By children come to play.

Bushes by the ball field,

And grass so green and lush,

But above all else a single rose,

Hiding safely behind the brush.

The plant was small and withered,

With barely a pointed thorn,

Most of its flowers,

from its branches torn.

Only one blossom of petals,

strongly still remained.

One single blossom of petals,

Through sun and wind and rain.

No gardener to care for it,

Or lonely woman to admire,

All the plant could do was wait,

until the day it would expire.

She came to the park,

To relax and soak up the light,

Traversed hills of grass,

And noticed the rose within her sight.

A sigh from her lips,

Then a gentled murmured word.

A beautiful day for the rose,

Heralded by wind and bird.

With a laugh she said

"Come with me and stay"

Uplifting the roses spirit.

But pain was on the way

In ignorance she reached,

And from the ground plucked the flower,

Held it to her nose to smell,

Left it within the hour.

Reviews

[~]

You got my attention with the title. Thinking of what was wrong with this flower. And, you did a wonderful work describing the handicap of it, yet the flower has a lot of tenacity. Isn't it the truth, how we do that? We always try to look for people to appreciate us for who we are and not take us for granted and throw us away useless and abandoned.
My only suggestion is to create a break between the description of the flower and the lady. Maybe an ellipsis.

[AlexValkyrie]

Thank you for taking the time to review it. Your input and advice is precious to me.

Long poems were never my strongest point. But to do my best is something I wish to achieve. I'll look over it and see how I can add this "ellipsis".

To be honest I came up with this and wrote it over the course of two and a half minutes or so. It is, to be blunt. As rough as a rough draft can get.

Thank you again :)

[~]

If you need any help with anything, I am willing to :) We are all here to learn from each other.

[AlexValkyrie]

Thank you :) I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Thinking about this poem in depth though, the sudden appearance of the lady in the flower's world is unintentionally appropriate. The flower represents me, and the lady represents my ex girlfriend Aubrey whom I was totally not expecting in any way. We grew close very fast. Too fast. Hence the implied joy the rose felt in my metaphorical poem.

[~]

Alex, I will be looking forward to reading another poem where the "flowerboy" is not crippled anymore. :)

[AlexValkyrie]

Thank you MoonSkittles :)

[Savanna]

Very nice i really enjoyed reading it.

[Sindu]

I do not know why but I can hear this my head, as I read, as narrated by a kind with the scene setting in. I liked this despite the length. You managed to keep me there admiring the flower, wondering all it had gone through and surprised, quite a bit, when that pompous lady steps in somehow make it better her own sense. It's natural how the flower can be elated for the company but yet the inevitable. Beautiful imagery. Seemed like a song may be which is I felt it like a narrative. :)
Intresting personification of both the characters.

[K.N. Herzner]

I really like this poem, but I do feel the sadness of the rose. It's alone for so long, then plucked and left. At the same time, imagining the beauty of the rose comes back to mind. I really like this I must say.

[Rachelle]

Bittersweet. Set this into melody. This is so Taylor Swift before she ventured into pop.

[AlexValkyrie]

I would have no idea of how to start. I haven't held a musical instrument since I was twelve, let alone ever even comprehended the process of writing music.

Thank you for your input though. I'll take the Taylor Swift thing as a compliment since she has lots of money. Haha.

[Rachelle]

The thing is - you'd be an excellent lyricist.

[AlexValkyrie]

And then I could just pass on the lyrics to someone with musical inclinations and they would give it life and notes?

Thank you Rachelle ^_^

[Rachelle]

Just make sure you keep your share of the copyright. :D