Immaculate Deception

In a quiet voice I know what to say, in a loud voice I wish I never had spoken.

My eyes do not listen when I tell them to stop

Looking at the glass for more imperfection,

One more unbeautiful thing to cover up

From my face, my body: this creation.

 

Yet the feet I have keep moving to burn

This weight I have on my head,

Making these eyes so heavy tonight;

I sleep holding my heart in my hands.

 

No beauty lies in this cavity

I attempt to fill with empty dreams.

‘Can’t stop won’t stop’ I say in light,

But curled at night I’m set to die.

 

The shutter watches my every move,

I key to erase the images that kill me inside,

And they don’t know what day it was,

When I let their lessons go.

 

Because days can go by

and they’ll love someone else,

weeks change me now and I realize

I haven’t been loved yet myself.

 

They don’t know I’d kill to be desired,

All that is present is a cold, vacant room.

Craving for a body just next to mine,

An eternity of such could send me to bliss.

 

Yet nothing can cure this cancer they call time,

That I’m missing by looking down to my feet.

But I wake to the thought of a dream so sweet,

And sleep to the beautiful nightmare I keep.

 

But tears do not pool above my eyes,

And blood can’t stain the carpet floor,

Just cramps inside me against the wall,

standing against your arms to fall. 

Author's Note

Tell me what you think...and what you think this means (:

Reviews

[Violette]

I kinda see this as someone who think they're not good enough all the time, yet no one notices, and most people think this person is absolutely fine. I like the last part a lot! also how the last few sections rhyme really well...even if some of them don't rhyme they seem to hit home just as much because they're so real. Btw, I really like the title. Cool wordplay!!!!!!!!!!

[-Scribe in Style-]

A well penned thoughtful poem, with verses that flow, writing words that push through deep emotion of vision and perception. One needs to love themselves before another can appreciate them, yet one always yearns for that appreciation and love from an admirer. It is interesting how significant little things are to paint a bigger picture. You have shown an amazing cross between the dream world and reality; it is up to the reader to decide which is which for the character of the poem as well as themselves. Mind boggling word play.

[Jess.]

Nicely done, I love the flow.
Seems to be a story about someone who thinks they aren't worth much? Though the end did confuse me a little.
Still, I can relate to it.
I like it a lot.

[marielondon]

This is so touching and real as always. Your knack for exuding authenticity in each of your pieces is extraordinary.

[Holly M. May]

This poem is very interesting. It reminds me of someone who is percieved as something good and special while the person herself can't find it.

I think if you want to include some more of the rhyme schemes into the poem more it would work, because right now it threw me off that the last parts were rhyming.

But over all there was really beautiful imagery espcially in the first two groupings, and the title is really a great touch. =3

[IceDragonOfPluto]

very emotional and beautiful write. I see this as the angst of an individual that thinks they are not good enough and feel compressed by time to change their fate, yet they know, deep down, someone must love them. My interpretation may be far off, though.

[DearSweetAgony]

I like your wordplay, it fit perfectly into this write. But well, when you ask me "what do I think it means" I must say I have no clue. Because in the beginning you are talking as if to a reflection. A very lonely, sad, confused teen, who probably is going through some depressing times. And yet, in the middle it starts to carry on about the loneliness again. But in the end it strays almost completely from the main picture with weird words placed in funny places. Such as words that don't link with any other words in this poem. I'm not saying that this poem was bad, because it is not in anyway a "bad poem". I'm even starting to think that maybe you purposely made it kind of confusing, so that it may live up to its titles boasts.
(If so it should be called Immaculate Illusions, but I'm not trying to change anything though) Uggg! It's hard to explain! I guess what I'm saying is that I liked the write in of its self, but it needs a tad bit of twerking.

[Cheng Yew,Chew]

fond hope is the world to describe this poem.^^

[Ecko]

Jaco's review is bullshit. He clicked on you because of your picture. Don't give in to the lies. It just sickens me.