Anhedonia

It is difficult to define

With no black dog to lead

this pressure dropped familiar.

No symbol/ fetish/ effigy 

to incorporate a misery that drains

the joy from all that I hold dear.

.

How does one trace the contours

of an abstract exhalation?

Somewhere near

a pendulum is stilled.

That which I loved one minute past,

that filled this hole of borrowed time

is laid apart her spent electric

body washed in turpentine

Her outline drawn.

Estranged.

                        .........

I follow where the way grows small

Where disembodied voices pull in

strange degrees of separation

I flow toward their thin remains

shape, ill-defined, subliminal

An acquiescent aftermath of

calculus unknown.

I am pressed italic, hither sent

to comb the sear of cloying strand

for relics of the days worn down 

by nothing in particular.

There is no anthem or lament

no ornamental sentiment to wrest

the quickened lacks that sand

the shores of Anhedonia.

Reviews

[lightsong]

emptiness, dryness, lifeless.... I always said it's much better to feel pain than feeling nothing, it's much better to feel wet tears rather than dryness, to me your poem is bleeding to "feel" not only pleasure, but to feel anything, to feel you are a human, your genuine feelings are so so real leaving no doubt that they came form your very tormented thirsty soul. the last two verses expressing the surrendering to the situation, then maybe after the surrendering the healing comes, I can feel a pale spark through your last verse... and yes, always there is light at the end of the tunnel. all the very best and warmest blessings for You my friend.

[Moonie]

As a medical student, I have seen many cases of clinical depression, and it enrages me sometimes how some poets seem to romanticize it, implying that true art is produced from such bouts. I think you do justice to the topic, by presenting it in this stark, no-nonsense way. Really like your expression.

[Alistair (Ali)]

Thank you kindly. I agree that sometimes there is a tendency to glamour the ailment, and as we know there is nothing glamorous about it.
That said, to taste a darker fruit may offer a different perspective, and there is a possibility of personal catharsis in exploring the subject through a creative medium.
I have been ( for want of a better word) "impressed" ( perhaps that is the better word!) by the flooring power of depression, how it administers its fog through all aspects- and then how the day seems impossibly bright when the grey time has passed.
However, one should never revel in a gloom -spun jacket to wear their art on it's sleeve ( see what I did there? )- with that I absolutely agree!

Ali

[Paul Bell]

The days when black rooms keep you company and the sun is shining only for others.
Usually, winter does it to me, dark days for dark moods.

[Alistair (Ali)]

Yes, Paul, I can understand that!- the subtlety and diversity of triggers are quite extraordinary- roll on the Spring, thank you my friend!
All the best
Ali

[Paul Bell]

Defo, roll on spring.

[Gee]

Of course I had to Google the title, then read your replies to fully understand (being as thick as I am) Guesss I could apply this to watching my beloved LFC at present :((
My wife suffered a wee bout of depression many moons ago, very hard to understand from the outside looking in especially as we have a very easy going comfortable life.
Good morning Ali, hope you are well.

[Alistair (Ali)]

Hello Mate!...an important win yesterday- and so good to see Trent back at last- if we don't win it then at least it has been one hell of a ride!
You are spot on about depression , my friend, viewed from the outside it IS difficult to understand. A regular misconception is that depression=unhappiness and I can see why, but it is far beyond that as I am sure your Good lady will attest.
Thank you for stopping by, my friend and I hope you are well.

Take care and speak soon!
All the best

Ali

[Chris Shaw]

Your poem is drenched in misery. The misery that comes with loss. I know that loss, but time does make it more bearable. It doesn't go but you learn to live with it. Sad to read Ali. May your burden lighten. May you find peace in your mourning.

Chris

[Alistair (Ali)]

Thank you kindly Chris- that is very sweet of you to say.
I must confess though, that this verse is not about my little "skin n blister"- it is actually about depression ( cheerful little git, that I am!)- like thousands of others, I experience the ol' blues from time to time- in varying degrees, and "Anhedonia" is a facet of the condition best described as "losing the pleasure in things we normally enjoy".
It is something quite extraordinary in its own way-its like the plug being pulled out in the bath of one's full soul...it all just drains away!...amazing!
That is how my depression manifests in times- it is never really a sadness ( as i think most would agree) more of an emptiness, or an emptying to differing levels.
I didn't really want to use the word "misery" in the piece , it was originally "mystery"- which is more apt- however I had used "mystery" in another verse fairly recently, and there is a limit to people's patience!.
Believe it or not, apart from the occasional mental back-flip into a huge pile of thought-dung..I am of a fairly sunny disposition!...You can probably tell!!

Thank you kindly Chris, and have a belter of a weekend!

All the best

Ali

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

How well I know this feeling Ali. When life has drained you of every mote of feeling, of semblance of self...yes, misery drained of all joy. Your words describe this numbness exquisitely, and with good reason- you mourn, you mourn. “Somewhere near..a pendulum is stilled”..yes, what was is gone. Anhedonia, your island of quicksand- the nothing that is left, for awhile. Beautiful metaphor for a sad time. Blessings and peace always wished to you my friend.

[Alistair (Ali)]

Bless you Annette!- thank you kindly.

and, yes!, "Anhedonia" is a whopper of a knocker- and shall be obeyed....but it doesn't last,- everything in cycles, eh?
The positive on the other side of this grubby little coin, is that when we eventually slip the doldrums, the new wind is fair and welcome and the day shines with a splendid zeal...origins are stirred,, curiosity aroused and it can feel like the first day in all things...

Thank you Annette, and have the sort of weekend that you need to write notes about.

All the very best to you

Ali