Unknown Voyage

first published piece in college newspaper.

Set sail for an unknown voyage,

Deep, deep, deep within my mind.

A book without a written page.

An actor without the Broadway stage.

 

Drift, drift, drift, for thirty score.

Forget all life; forget mankind.

Delve, indagate, search and explore,

the coming of peace and the end of war.

 

Enter now, what will be the end.

Only the cruel are left behind.

Trapped in a world that will transcend,

With phonies and liars, too hard to mend.

 

We’ll set sail for that mystical place,

Where never a word is said unkind.

Gaze, gaze, gaze without a trace

Upon war and hate and pure disgrace.

 

To enter my mind, I will admit

Is like entering the sea totally blind.

Sink, sink, sink within the travelled pit.

No one knows how you will benefit.

 

Rest, rest, rest in that silken bed.

The trip you’re on is hard to define.

You’re aware of your trunk, your limbs, your head.

Not quite the voyage; my travelers...we're dead.

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

December 7, 1968 (19 years old)
First posted on April 19, 2011 and still, nary a peep. I wonder why that is.
90+ views...It's ok to comment, if it sucks too. That's how we improve...
writers??
I did tweak the last line..but I'm open to any and all suggestions.

Reviews

[Shy Girl]

Revisited- I see this poem differently than the first time I read it. I see it as the confusion, indecision, practicality, loneliness, draining, exhaustive, timeless, hopelessness...feelings evoked when choosing a path through life. Some are good paths but most I found reading are not the best. You only have so long to choose and looking back hoping to change the wrong ones...isn't possible once we cease to be. This poem evokes much within me. Each time I read it is see it differently. But regret stands out most. Now anyway. Still a write with endless perspectives depending on the mood of the reader... :) Wendy

[Allen Smuckler]

Thanks Wendy, for still giving my writes a look-see. It's amazing how a poem written so long ago... still touches people. At the time, this was my "masterpiece" and was the inspiration for my 1st book. I appreciate you taking the time to respond again. A few years back, I asked you to post or forward some new writes of yours. I would love to read newer poems if you have any. I always thought you were one of the best on this site and looked forward to your postings. Thanks again Wendy. Allen

[Shy Girl]

I'll see what I can do :) thank you for your compliment and faith in my writing. You are wonderful artist with a pen yourself :)

[Anne Timmins]

This is truly a delight to read and breathe in. Such beautiful thoughts you have penned.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I believe the voyage is about life itself... the destination is unknown... the travel is far and in-between in this verse... I like how you carry the reader... within the works of this passage... seems this is a write that makes more impact said aloud... Of course... you wrote this when I was still an amoeba... not even an existence... way back in December 7, 1968... I did question one stanza:

Enter now, what will be the end.
Only the cruel are left behind.
Trapped in a world that will transcend,
With phonies and liars, too hard to mend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, now, now enter what will be the end.
Only the cruel are left behind.
Trapped in a world that will transcend,
With phonies and liars, too hard to mend.

Your theme follows the rest of the stanza(s)... except for this one... are you open to negotiations...

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Amazing write, Allen!... this showcases your talent...
The flow is smooth and rich in the integrity within your rhyme...and a surprising finale!
Well penned!

[Sukriti Suki]

Refreshing read......very nice work.

[Sami Khalil]

"To enter my mind, I will admit

Is like entering the sea totally blind.

Sink, sink, sink within the travelled pit.

No one knows how you will benefit."
A most wonderful and enchanting write travelling the unknown to mystical places or even into the mind of the writer before it is too late after we die and wasted our life on silly things. Bravo...:)

[poetdoug]

From deep, deep, deep to rest, rest rest" I sailed on the voyage right with you my friend.
Great writing at a young age, that's for sure. 'You've Got Talent!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

excellence, pure excellence. I wish I knew at 19 that I could even write...my life would have been so different.......love this

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

The almost dream state this piece begates while telling a story is refreshing and a pleasure to read, well done.

[Rose of Gondor]

I love the nice, quiet tone of this poem. Makes me feel like I'm lying in a boat, drifting in an ocean somewhere where there was nobody, nothing in sight but just the water and the place where the sky meets the horizon. Peaceful rhythm, and truth and strength to the words. Sometimes I just feel like lying down in the water and let all my troubles wash away, leave the hurt behind...and you've portrayed all that perfectly in just one poem.

Wonder why it took so long for someone to review?

Beautiful, as always :D