Lightning and thunder

Lightning and thunder

A Chapter by Hikaru

The lighting was a yellow, gold and white streaks in the dark night sky. The roaring thunder shaking all of the loose objects that sat on my dresser. I quickly laced up my lightning knee high tops. The car honked twice and I raced down stairs to my little sister's room.

"Kora?" I called

My four year old sister came running into my arms."Storm." She said, "I'm scared."

I cradled her in my arms and hushed her until she stopped crying.

"We're going to meet mom and dad in the car okay? The we can get you some pizza."

She nodded her diamond tiara shaking.

With her still in my arms I grabbed and umbrella and opened it stepping outside. Our mom and dad were in the car waiting for us. I strapped my little sister in her car seat and hopped in myself.

"Where do you guys want to go?" My dad asked

But I wasn't paying attention to him, I was too busy looking out the window where a dark wolf like figure was lurking on our front porch.

"Storm?" My dad asked

My head snapped up to the sound of my name "Yeah?"

"Where do you want to eat?"

I turned to Kora "What do you want?"

She giggled and shouted "PIZZA!!!!! I want pizza, Storm!!!!"

My father laughed and said "All right pizza it is."

My mom laughed "It sounds like she wants a pizza storm!"

My head turned back so I was looking out the window and the wolf was sitting on the porch it's golden eyes staring back at me. I titled my head at the wolf who also tilted it's head giving me. Wolfish grin.

It all happened so quickly like the lighting flashes in the sky. The next thing I knew I was lying in the grass with a log bleeding gash from my collarbone to my shoulder blade. The car was upside down and the goldeneye eye wolf was sitting next to me. To the sound of ambulance was lifting me and my family onto stretchers and putting us in the car......

© 2016 Hikaru

My Review

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Thanks! I'll edit it for you and all of my other 44 glorious readers!

Posted 3 Years Ago

First, nice storyline with the golden-eyed wolf...and awesome choice of names - Storm and Kora? -
Now for the judgement part - don't hate much - this piece quite some punctuations and a couple grammar checks - you threw in a double "eye" at one point, and spelt an umbrella with an "n" in place of "m"..
Then for the narrative, I think you explained too much...there wasn't enough showing, especially the part with the wolf on the porch. And your concluding paragraph was quite rushed, it felt like you throwing this cluster of informations at us, with not the slightest of "heads-up"...what led up that final situation - you skipped all the actions, the thrillers..
This is a nice story with one hell of a potential - and character names, just needs a little work :)

Posted 3 Years Ago

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6 Reviews
Added on March 17, 2016
Last Updated on April 15, 2016



Encinitas , CA

I have brown hair, love books, nebulas and love story's. (Books and writing!) I'm over eighteen (pretend to be) and I also spell a TON of things wrong and I live in California. And if you need a frien.. more..