My fellow

A Poem by Mina Salva

Through years I've changed, I was lost. My feelings were and are mixed up, so I had to speak up in this poem.

Sunny afternoons, were my best memories
All of the beauty is locked there
Running through that green grass, the heat of sun creating freckles on my face
The brown straight hair, with the light highlights brushing down my shoulders
Messy, I didn't care
Laughs and joy, were my best friends
But as soon as they realized I'm stepping away from them, they stepped further
I didn't want to turn my back on them, but life did it to me
So, how can I stay so happy, If life isn't happy to me?
People say that with time things get healed, fixed, and better
Time wasn't a friend either, it never was
When I wished for it to go slower, it got against me
When I warned for it to go faster, it got against me
But now, as I'm calling it to go faster as it can be, it's ignoring me
Other best friends came along, but not who I expected
Pain, pain is my best friend
Tears, are my best friends
Silence, quietness and thoughts are my ghosts, who tend to appear more lately
As I smile, life speaks to me, it predicts and swears, it's not going to last
I believe, I trust, just like a little girl
Who's this fellow, who follows?
It's the dark hole in my soul, people call it pain
I tend to call it sand
When the wind blows, I wish someone would hold my arm
As tight, as I can feel
Feel something, I don't do always
But I can not see any hand, any fingers to match into mine
But sand, colliding on me
Entering into my spirit, changing it completely
Negation, depression, and rejection gulping me
To a world, I wish I never knew
Gray shades of seven clouds, Gloom shadow and a tree
Tree of love? Dull and dead, is it love?
It's only a twin to pain
I've sold my spirit to this world
My mind, my heart are gone
the real me, the one who I was are missed
I can't find myself, anymore
Where am I?
Will everything stay the same?
Is anything going to return my way?
Will my fellow, forever leave? Or is it a cursed gift god wanted me to live with, until my hour comes?
My throat run dry, I can't call for help
I've tried