Deja vu

Deja vu

A Poem by The Flawed
"

I like to dedicate this to Tom Waits, one of my favorite artists

"

 

Down at the Blue boys bar, just south of the river

Where the artists & the junkies, meet the lonely & the freak

To give each other a leg up the bottleneck,

And squeeze themselves in.

 

I’m on a stool by the bar, staring at an ashtray full of used cigarettes & burnt out matches,

In my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,

On my arms, a cheap date full of sweetness & gratitude,

For the drinks, which I’m about to buy.

 

As Tom’s waltzing Matilda all around the room,

Two old-timers (Mr. Has been & Mr. Could have been) exchange stories of what was once sweet, over a pint of bitter or two.

A young newbie by the jukebox listens in,

As he chalks his cue & skillfully twists a toothpick in his mouth.

 

“You know what’s wrong with me?” she asked as she sank another with a vengeance worthy of a queen,

“I’ve endured life for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to live it”

She said as she lit a smoke, smiled a plastic smile & exhaled a ghost like ring all out of shape.

I rolled my eyes & asked Blue for two more large ones on the rocks and two more beers.

(It’s going to be a long night & not a cheap one).

© 2010 The Flawed


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Featured Review

Impressive once again. Love this. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes you write like you are no less than Two hundred and fifty-eight years old. Beautiful imagery. Awesome wordage. I like Witch instead of Which. Seems like there is an inner monologue within the inner monologue. Good stuff. I am a fan.

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very, very cool piece of work. Sounds like the intro to an awesome noir novel.

Posted 12 Years Ago


You make something really ordinary into something very interesting. The flow of this poem is exquisite and the imagery is elegant despite the rather gloomy situation. I totally love the passive tone. Awesome Poem.

Keep Writing. ^___^

Posted 12 Years Ago


A bar full of freaks ....in every corner..!
Smoke and alcohol..a long night
Music please?
Eyes of fire... and a good poem
:Live poetry...this is so nice
and time to spend..

Posted 13 Years Ago


You told a real story. Description and conversation was amazing. I been in a few dark bars and had some long costly conversation. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 14 Years Ago


Very nice , you placed me in a setting that you manifested with heart i suppose...HUh a tom waits fan eh , me as well , good stuff, i cant wait to read more from the likes of you. Excellent composition...very well formed and written. Created an image i wish i could hold forever.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is wonderful!!! So many great lines

"To give each other a leg up the bottleneck,
And squeeze them selves in."

"in my hand, a chipped glass full of bourbon & attitude,"

"Two old-timers (Mr. Has been & Mr. Could have been) exchange stories "

A scene brilliantly captured, I can hear it, see it, smell it and even taste that bourbon. Really well done, best thing I've read in I don't know how long!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cracking read. This is as forward and fruity and up to its neck in life as Custard Pie was out of it. I forgot to say I thought there was wry humour in the pie. In this one the humour is like a full pair of sensuous lips heavily lipsticked. We feel as used and burnt out as the matches, but we don't care. We have a drink and company of th e opposite. What more is there? We know it's unsatisfactory in some ways. But on the other hand... Cheers, mine's a large one, Jude! I like the bitter/sweet dab, attitude/gratitude and I can see the cocky toothpick.

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

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LJW
The last line is brilliant.

Been to that bar, seen that smoke ring. Nice, earthy piece here.

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Definately think Tom would appreciate this. You set the scene well. Although I can see why the last line in brackets was put in, I am not sure it is needed. However, I really liked the style of this. (but I am bit of a Tom Waits fan).

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Great imagery, a poem that tells a whole story with each line in each stanza.
"ashtray full of used cigarettes & burnt out matches"
"As he chalks his cue & skilfully twists a toothpick in his mouth" Both so descriptive and bold.

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 25, 2009
Last Updated on February 20, 2010

Author

The Flawed
The Flawed

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I am a man who loves writing poetry, and find it the easiest way of expressing how I feel, particularly when I don�t like to talk about these �feelings�. I cannot .. more..

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