The possibility of living

Wretched, I looked within...
Too miserable, diminished I felt
O Mother Father !! I feel ashamed of myself
U carry the burden of my resentment

I can't take it any longer..
For this was not what I craved
Was this why I worked all day and toiled night hard?
Was this what I dreamt for?
Oh Existence! Why don't you take me away?
I can take this no more
Its burden is too much to bear
I don't want to live any more..

The moment stood by,
lingered there for a while, it took me away.
Faces I saw, many old many new,
familiar but something amiss
Disbelief replaced charm, mock with graveness..
Few complained at how can the existence be so cruel..

Did that happen? Did I die? Oh please I couldn't have!
Then I saw.
I was right there, but with no more life,
Still. Just lying...
The most lovely faces which filled my life were closest to it

Seated; but it was not the face I had seen all my life..
They looked different.
Pale, lifeless with no emotions left.
They looked as white as the corpse beside
They stared at it.
Did they expect it to jump back into life by just looking like that ?
Did they think it was yet another mischief of their beloved prankster?

Then it started flowing,
Like it would never stop again..
As if now they realised they could never vent out their anger on it
The pain swallowed them
They cursed themselves
Calling out to me they promised they would never whine.
What's misery I knew then!

I stood there. Helpless and wretched at the irrevocable mistake of my life.
I Howled. "Universe! please help me."
"No Lord! This was not what I wanted, I wanted to make them happy, proud. Not this, not this.."
"This pain is killing me. It's worse than dying"

The light came, it was time to go.
I begged, " Please don't take me, do something "
It blinked at me, I could see the helplessness, could sense its pain..
Desperately I pleaded. "You can do something, surely! You are the light of the Universe"
It just stood there with no power, as helpless as I
It could do nothing for I left it with no choice.

The moments filled in me again. I stayed there.
I found myself on my bed. In the same position I remember I had left
The voices filled my ears.
Loving and bantering familiar ones. Homely and enchanting
I was here, much alive and at peace
It was a Realisation. It was an Experience.
Now I know what self killing is..
This surely is not anybody would want.

I am filled with gratitude for the air I breathe
For my body, soft and warm.
Life could never be more beautiful. It could not be better.
I became aware of my existence.
Of the role I play in it.
Being alive I naturally have the chance to make it better.
Whines and complaints I enjoyed for the first time.
It gave me joy, for nothing was much better
The possibility of living filled my heart with Joy.

Reviews

[Inda]

The message is clear and the story is well told, I do think maybe this works better as a story and might allow you to elaborate in different areas and to structure things more freely.

[Shweta]

Yes...story might work well to fill in the gaps..Thank u Inda for the patience
- Shweta

[Shweta]

This was a bit tricky for me to get it penned...maybe someday i could better it and convey it through more meaningfully. Do lemme know what you think