Are You Disappointed?

Living up to our parents expectations is sometimes a heavy burden.

When you told me I could do anything
And I didn’t…

Were you disappointed?

When you told me I was beautiful,
And if I wanted to, and "watched my figure"
I could be Miss America
Someday.
But I gained twenty pounds
Did you look away?

When you told me I was smart
And that I could be a doctor, a lawyer,
Or the President of the United States
And instead I got married
At only nineteen
No college degree
A baby girl on my knee
Did you cry?

When you told me you’d finally be happy
When I had a good job
And a house of my own
And here, 20 years later I am still renting…
Are you sad?

As I raise three kids
Who are artists
Who are square pegs
To your round holes
Who think and opine and speak their minds
Who stand up like lions and roar
This is who I am
Are you embarrassed?

Are you ashamed that I haven’t lived
the American dream
Your American dream… for me.
Have you cried for things
You saw in me that weren’t there,
Or that were there --once
but faded like the years that
Stole my own childish dreams of
Changing the world
… with my music…


You told me I could do anything
Be anything…
Create anything….

So I did.

I created me.

Are you disappointed?

Author's Note

Ok sometimes these things just come to me. I have NO idea why. I don't even like them half the time. But when they come, I have to write them down. So here's the latest... as always, all comments welcome. :)

Reviews

[Lewis Kenny]

Beautiful poem, made me think about my life and who I am, am I living my life and being who I want to be for me or for others?

thanks for sharing very, very good!

[AnastasiaBetts]

Thanks so much for the read and the comment Lewis. So true -- I think at some point, if we really want to be happy, we have to let all that baggage go and love ourselves.

[ritchie carter]

that was brillient ive got to say i really enjoyed that it made me think that even though my situation isnt ideal its not that bleaq ether it sort of said to me be greatfull for what youve got and if things dont turn out dont be disappointed thankyou

[AnastasiaBetts]

Thank you so much for the read and the comments. I think everyone I know struggles with this. I guess it's part of growing up and becoming at peace at who you've become.

[ritchie carter]

the thing what struck me though about it was she was not feeling sorry for herself she was just getting on with it and making the best of what she has and i think thats something i need to apply to my own life as it stands at the miniut

[Distant horizons]

You did indeed. It is all we can be, ourselves, warts and all. I'm sure they're prouder that you done it your own way than you think or they might say. Great piece.

[AnastasiaBetts]

Thanks so much. Yes, no worries there -- parents are very proud and mom cried when reading the poem. I think it's the interesting thing to note that very likely our parents are proud no matter what, but maybe it's our own perception of their expectations that we are having a hard time living up to... I sometimes see myself putting those on my own kids and thinking, I really hope that they don't grow u and some day worry that they've disappointed me, like I express in this poem. Anyway, thanks so much for the read and comment! :)

[Aaron Betts]

I would agree that I think it is more our own perception than the true expectations that have been placed on us. I think of my kids and how I want them to be great and better than me. Sometimes I see flashes of brilliance and sometimes I see the same struggles I endure. Either way, I am proud of their victories and I sympathize their failures but I never love them less!

[AnastasiaBetts]

Why is it so hard to let go of our own baggage though? Maybe that's why I write poetry...

[gabrielle]

sometimes our parents or other people put so much trust and confidence in us that they would expect us to do some "great things." and it is hard to live up to those expectations especially when you have other visions for your life. I can truly relate to this piece as those are the very same questions that i sometimes would want to ask my parents but i never had the courage to voice out. Nicely penned.

[AnastasiaBetts]

Thanks so much for the read and the comments. Writing the poem served a dual purpose-- helping me to process my own experience while also confronting the unrealistic expectations I may be putting on my own children...