Thinking to Exit

I don't know where it is now, to know what a friend has shown me. As a little boy we both know it's meaning.

    

Waving something off in thy beginning, that seemed it wanted to get caught up in my eyelashes,

 Nowadays, I spend to much time pulling memories from a shelf you know the one, near the staircase where we used to run up to get away,

 just for a moment to catch our breath.

 I feed the fish of mornings telling me to clean that spot of green inside of clear-glass,

  Just wish you were here now, someone to listen to with classical music behind our days of show and tell.

 Whistling through or just plainly asking the waters: Is it okay I let my fish go in your stream of time? 

Free from the past that caused too much pain of simply watching your kisses blowing goodbyes,

                        

               In thy present with full scholarship to attend a forever place,

   to be with you now,

                           but knowing you wouldn't want that

         So I continue, using the sunsets I have packed for an excuse to keep living.

           Kneeling down like we did before bowing to an unpredictable future,

                        a future I didn't want since I'm here now to know,

                         broken to a place where I can no longer fall

                 I whisper our saying as I watch our fish swimming home

      "Carefully and long, hoping he won't give up or the wind won't die down."

                A voice tapping me on the shoulder saying " Come on, let's go",

                         I point to the swimming-symbol in the waters  

                               telling I will come back but not yet.                           

Author's Note

What does it mean to you?

Reviews

[Pete]

memories of the past, struggles in the present and hopes for the future all beckon and tug at us - which will we surrender too, which will take dominance? in which will we live and take refuge? we seek safety, assurance and love in an unloving and unforgiving world and life.

"Let go of the past and live the future . . . Live the life you imagined. I live in the present. I only remember the past, and anticipate the future." - Thoreau

this is what it means to me andrew. deeply and well said and written friend ... :)

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I sincerely appreciate your unique interpretation, you pretty much nailed the meaning I've intended haha. Allen Ginsberg said once " Follow your inner moonlight, don't hide the madness." Always search and go beyond words when digging for truth. Sincerely your friend in writing and life

[Corset]

hmmm, a sweet remembrance or ode to a Pisces, The twin fishes? In all the horror flicks we warn about running up the stairs from the edge of our chairs, shouting no no there's no escape up there! But inevitably ever single runs up to be trapped in a 18th century gothic style house to meet their doom or fight like a tiger backed into a closed alley. It always ends the same, do or die.

[light and ashes]

An ache that is so profound and deep within the soul in this write.
This is really great writing.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

Thanks for stopping by and I really appreciate this review. Thanks again :)

[light and ashes]

You are welcome. You are very talented.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

okay, this reminds me of my best friend through most of grade school and high school.
We stayed in touch after I came to college, but then his son died in an automobile accident and he hid
himself away from all of us.
I was devastated...I was a fish swimming alone in too big of an aquarium, missing him.
It took years, and I held on to the memories...and then miraculously he gradually got back into life.
And he got in touch...we have been ever since. He had said through his silence...I will come back, but not yet.
so now we email...talk on the phone...I visited my old hometown a few years ago...and he and i met at his house and had a long talk like the ones we used to.
this poem reminds me how glad I am to have this friend back in my life.
thanks for it.
j.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I'm really fortunate and blessed to be in touch with my emotions and writing is a magical way of doing so. I'm glad my poem provokes such raw nostalgia and gives others comfortable "somewhere" to bask in the sun for awhile. Then a writer feels accomplished and feels good. Thanks for reading :)

[roarke]

To me this prose is about what I believe happens during the course of a "hundred mile stare". Past, present, future all mesh as in this fugue state your subconscious stares at the flow of the Akashic record. I read someone not afraid to lucid dream and write...not afraid to sink his fingers into the rawness of his emotions. Andrew, you've written about things there aren't words to, yet here the words are. Childhood memories and allegiances are the stuff of legend and mythology, something adults sadly loose as they mature. Its difficult for an adult to feel so much, too much, and survive to face that emotion daily. Yet somehow it gets to be tomorrow. How do you describe that kind of "somehow"? I think you've done that here, for many of us. Well said.

[Einstein Noodle]

"What does it mean to (me) you?" ... there is longing .. memories of a relationship begun and during "growing up" years ... perhaps into some of adulthood as well .. but now over .. sad reminiscences ...there is "hitting bottom" .. and that place where futility in "wanting" drives one into a downward spiral ... oh ... how i wish she were here now and we could once again recapture the "time" ;) i like V3 .. the everyday chore of cleaning the green off the glass ... becomes a moment suspended .. with Classical music in the background no less ;) who knows Andrew ... perhaps hope will win the day for these two .. tho "she" is decidedly left out of you poem .. and enigma .. and completely .... gone :(((((((((((((((((((
E.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I couldn't agree with you more sir hitting bottom becomes such an benevolent force yet always painful weights to carry molding the very 'you' the constant "I" sense of entitlement to things we can longer have.

[Coyote Poetry]

Haunting and good word shared my friend.
" A voice tapping me on the shoulder saying " Come on, let's go",

I point to the swimming-symbol in the waters

telling I will come back but not yet."
The above lines. So good and honest. Thank you Andrew for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

Thanks so much, coming from outstanding poet such as yourself. Thanks for stopping by :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Andrew. I always enjoy your work.

[duff]

So many lines that you can see in front of you. Reading this you're there. You can relate to the pain and happiness of what once was. Heart on a sleeve writing. Raw. Great work!

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I believe to survive, you must tell stories even to yourself. Every time I write it's a war but silent one yet sometimes you discover. I appreciate your review :)

[AJNJ]

I was thinking of things past and how they brought me to where I am and the future of which I know little for I am as a fish navigating an endless, infinite sea. I found some wishes and some hope in your words.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

There's a lot of nostalgia and yet the Zen you find when completely surrendering in grief, the ultimate pain that takes you someplace. Loved your analogy of the fish very moving :). Thanks again for the wonderful review .

[Susan 🌺]

So many metaphors here...not sure where to begin. ( In my opinion) There is quite a longing present in this piece. Memories tingled with regret? or uncertainty? Or prehaps a choice here...look back or keep looking and moving forward.
"full scholarship to attend a forever place"... Our home in Heaven. ( Ohh...clever, here's the choice...check out or keep living)
"I point to the swimming-symbol in the waters " Jesus Christ the living water...
" Kneeling down like we did before bowing to an unpredictable future,

a future I didn't want since I'm here now to know, ...How challeneging life can be!
" I whisper our saying as I watch our fish swimming home".....death/ Heaven's home.
Really a thought provoking piece. Not sure if you intended the religious aspect..but that's how it reads to me. Well done. :-)

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

So lovely reading your review and does have a sense of religious aspects in a way more of a Zen way if you will. I've intended to be more existential experiences at the core of humanity and the continuance of time. Thanks for stopping by and deep respects to you :)

[iliOZ]

hi Andrew.
to me it means reading my life story written by an outsider, the one i never met, yet he knows exactly what is going on.
it is either me who wants to believe this or we are twin souls....or somebody hired you to write about me.
eiher way, i enjoyed this piece

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

who knows life is a bewilderment and always served to be. Every time I write I go into another world.