Thinking to Exit

I don't know where it is now, to know what a friend has shown me. As a little boy we both know it's meaning.

    

Waving something off in thy beginning, that seemed it wanted to get caught up in my eyelashes,

 Nowadays, I spend to much time pulling memories from a shelf you know the one, near the staircase where we used to run up to get away,

 just for a moment to catch our breath.

 I feed the fish of mornings telling me to clean that spot of green inside of clear-glass,

  Just wish you were here now, someone to listen to with classical music behind our days of show and tell.

 Whistling through or just plainly asking the waters: Is it okay I let my fish go in your stream of time? 

Free from the past that caused too much pain of simply watching your kisses blowing goodbyes,

                        

               In thy present with full scholarship to attend a forever place,

   to be with you now,

                           but knowing you wouldn't want that

         So I continue, using the sunsets I have packed for an excuse to keep living.

           Kneeling down like we did before bowing to an unpredictable future,

                        a future I didn't want since I'm here now to know,

                         broken to a place where I can no longer fall

                 I whisper our saying as I watch our fish swimming home

      "Carefully and long, hoping he won't give up or the wind won't die down."

                A voice tapping me on the shoulder saying " Come on, let's go",

                         I point to the swimming-symbol in the waters  

                               telling I will come back but not yet.                           

Author's Note

What does it mean to you?

Reviews

[Red Brick Keshner]

Have to catch the reading breath. This is so much in one sitting to fully process and explore. There are friendships that take an arc wherein what was familiar is put aside for other journeys. And yet there is a tugging to that shared junction of self, when you were one. Of a handful of such friends, I was able to meet again with a couple, and the gap of then and now was too great, it felt that I alone remained to abide in the wonder of those days. The other had died and another is battling their present day circumstances. All that remains now are the memories and the spark that vainly fills the emptiness inside. oh wow. Thanks for sharing.

[iliOZ]

hi Andrew.
to me it means reading my life story written by an outsider, the one i never met, yet he knows exactly what is going on.
it is either me who wants to believe this or we are twin souls....or somebody hired you to write about me.
eiher way, i enjoyed this piece

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

who knows life is a bewilderment and always served to be. Every time I write I go into another world.

[Neville]

there is something about your poem here that has made me revisit it several times before I even begin to type my thoughts .. it is without doubt intriguing and otherwise compelling too .. it is one of those rare finds that is impossible to pre-empt and with each subsequent visit a new perspective is thrown up from the depths of it ... there is certainly a beauty here though .. and a sadness too methinks .. Maybe its the uncertainty that attracts and makes it so appealing .... I certainly intend to read more of you Andrew Nelson Stewart ...

All Good Things,

Neville

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

Thank you for your regards and detailed explanation and in depth reviewing . Touch my heart reading your words made my night. Plus I love writing poetry thanks again :) sincerely your friend in writing and life

[John the Baptist]

My impression is that the speaker is one who has incurred a severe loss and now is having difficulty adjusting to it. The specifics of the loss are not given, but the feeling is that it is the death of a spouse or lover, who is now in a "forever place." The aura of grief is very powerful here, and there is some reason to believe the speaker may be having suicidal thoughts, though no plan is mentioned. Also, he contemplates releasing a fish to another stream of time, a hint that he is having difficulty dealing with the situation. The last verse, however, assures us his time is not yet. A powerful piece, this one, making us feel the pain of one of life's inevitable losses.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I love this review thanks for reading one of my pieces. " There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." L.K.H

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

A episode of the twilight zone where the old becomes young. Ribs by Lorde. Other than these things it really was your imagery that came to mind but the feeling it all conveyed brought the other things to mind. This was an amazing poem. It meant to me, longing for an older role model that has passed or perhaps a younger friend or sibling. Beautifully explained and expressed work of art. Tyfs

[barleygirl]

I'm not that good at interpreting abstract writing, but yours is not heavily enigmatic, in fact, it sounds everyday & conversational, as if someone who is not on the same wavelength as me is talking about something we both are familiar with, but this person is relating to it in such unusual & different ways, I can hardly recognize it. I would have to give this some serious thought to be able to come up with an interpretation. I get the sense that this narrator has a childlike way of seeing the world & describing it. This doesn't sound complex like a cerebral person spouting cosmic enlightenment. It sounds like a child describing something basic like a butterfly, but in terms that are so imaginative, it's like he/she is describing an imaginary friend who's not in evidence, but who is being described so earnestly, you gotta believe this imaginary friend is there, even if you can't see it. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but if it doesn't, I'm blaming you for scrambling my old stoned mind with your cryptic writing style (I read one before this that I couldn't even comment on, becuz I was clueless . . . but this one is more approachable). Thank you for enduring this ridiculous spew of mine (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

PS, Petaluma dweller . . . my mom lived in Novato for about 11 years before she died, so I drove thru Petaluma dozens of times on my way up there! I live in the Big Sur hills.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I Like this very intriguing, whole new way to dive in those words begging your old you to remember. While reading your review felt like you took my heart and pin pointed some areas to dig and search. I wrote this poem 2016 and was 21 years old feeling a lot back in those times i was heavily into Alan Watts speeches of philosophy Zen, stuff like that, and worrying a lot then wrote this poem in a Paul Valery style in which he says Vers Donness or lines of thought. My mind, your mind and everyone else's. Is constantly emitting images, ideas.. entire lines. Its always essential to capture thoughts when they appear. Please forgive me for this rant I'm quite chatty weirdo but in my def : wildly enlightened individual recreating dreams . I sincerely appreciate your deep review. thanks again :)... ps I'm sorry about your mother .. to me mothers are gods.

[barleygirl]

No worries! Chat away! I think most people prefer it more than the one-liners!

[Storm]

To me this poem tells a story of a man/woman clinging to a reason to move forward after losing their life partner. I love the symbol of the swimming fish. It speaks to me in a special way. One edit I suggest is in the second line you used the word to instead of too. Thank you for sharing your writing. Best wishes to you!

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I appreciate your review and yeah was staring at my dirty fish tank while writing this and thanks that went right over my night owl mind haha. thanks again :)

[Just Kim]

I'm not quite sure, but i do sense a certain deepness in this write. I do love the last stanza.
maybe it could be about the past. excellent write

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

Poetry is infinite in meanings sometimes I don't understand what I write haha but I sincerely appreciate your review :)

[Pete]

memories of the past, struggles in the present and hopes for the future all beckon and tug at us - which will we surrender too, which will take dominance? in which will we live and take refuge? we seek safety, assurance and love in an unloving and unforgiving world and life.

"Let go of the past and live the future . . . Live the life you imagined. I live in the present. I only remember the past, and anticipate the future." - Thoreau

this is what it means to me andrew. deeply and well said and written friend ... :)

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

I sincerely appreciate your unique interpretation, you pretty much nailed the meaning I've intended haha. Allen Ginsberg said once " Follow your inner moonlight, don't hide the madness." Always search and go beyond words when digging for truth. Sincerely your friend in writing and life

[LastMonth]

Gorgeous writing.
Original, really.

I'm being sincere, this is the kind of writing you hope to run into.
Keep up the good work.

[Sunita Jugran]

It means past, present and future ..... beautifully written. Like memories falling down on ground and taking roots and will grow into a tree full of fragrant bloom. I smiled and I teared up, all at once reading this. A wonderful wonderful, touching write.