Always Making Excuses

Always Making Excuses

by A.R.

All morning and evening for 
too many consecutive days
I've tried to justify your 
unrealized cruelty

'Oh he's having a ...'
or
'I guess I did something wrong?...'

No, all I have done is try to 

be perfect since I've
been here.

Constantly sleeping so that I
don't dare do something you'd
take issue with but
you seem fine
ignoring, forgetting, not caring
too busy, too depressed.

It's just that everything is
more important than me.

So listen I am going to try
this new plan.
It comes from the same
model as yours does.

It is called 'I just don't give a f**k'.
And it's not true but I can't handle it.

I cannot fix this all by myself
with you at a distance.

Once again you have
the upper hand.
Above me
thumb pressed down.
While I have the disadvantage.

Benched.
Until you make up your mind?

Between what exactly?
or
Just until you figure it out?

It has been years since
I've heard un-contrived
passion and baby I crave
it I crave the rawness
and the primal lust
that you can give.

Unlike how easy it was
to replace me when you
acted like it was no big
deal and said you were
going to 'actively start dating'
you were "lonely"

Please.

I wont even touch that one.
And what does 'actively start dating' 
even mean?  Were you inactively 
dating before?...or at all?

You see before this I 
whole heartedly trusted you 
one hundred percent
hands down but now
I stay up late crying somehow
knowing I'm not the only 
one.

It's just so f*****g brutal
Your whole plan start to finish
and I can't even handle writing 

this s**t let alone begin to 
analyze that whole mind f**k.

So I am kicking in plan B.
I just don't give a f**k
who you screw and 
please don't leave clues
or tell me!

F**k, it's wrong and mean
and my God nobody is that busy
and I am not that dumb.
.