Empty

Just a little saddness manifesting...

 

Empty are these hollow halls,

frightened by the weight

of your inevitable absence.

 

Empty are these bare rooms

with walls that bleed your name

without the gift of color.

 

Empty is my bed,

no longer warmed by thoughts

of your breath in my hair.

 

Empty is my heart,

dust covered and brittle

like the pages of an impossible story.

Reviews

[Don Coorough]

Your vulnerability is revealed in this piece. I like the contrast that comes from absence inflicting weight. I also like that the halls of the home bear this weight. You take a variety of inanimate, household objects and personify them with human emotions and human functions. Thus, the walls bleed. The bed is devoid of thought from the thoughtlessness of the missing partner. The strength in that analogy is that it draws on its own reference. It's implied, making your reader work to grasp the subtle undertones. The final stanza has a remarkable pearl in it. You describe your heart as "dust covered and brittle, like the pages of an impossible story." You leave another inference from deeper than the surface of the words. The image is that the book is so impossible, it is dust covered, hence, unopened. In the analogy between heart and book, we are gently taken by the hand and led to understand that the heart lives in emptiness (from the title) because it is unopened, uncared for, unappreciated by the one whose missing presence leaves the home (and heart) empty. One can see a great deal of thought was placed into this write. Excellent work! - EllisD

[Chloe Madison Taylor.]

I usually dont like stuff like this. "empty is my soul" you know, stuff like that.


with walls that bleed your name

I really liked that line.

like the pages of an impossible story.

and that one, too.
Nice job. =)

[ScaryTrees]

This is sad
But not in an emo self indulgent way
you have eloquently penned a poem that manifests a feeling of loss and heartbreak
Another thing I noticed
Each stanza actually stands up on it's own, like a haiku
I bet that was purposeful?
Each one resonates on it's own and as you move on they just build on each other
Nice work

[JadedSparrow]

"Empty is my heart,
dust covered and brittle
like the pages of an impossible story."

I love this stanza...I loved it all but these lines grabbed me by my fragile heart. I picked this poem at random...I would have to pick the one that brought tears to my eyes. Very well written. Not too long, not too short...Just right. Bravo.

JS

[C K.]

Really honest and true. I love the vulnerability of it and the cold feeling behind this piece. Great work :) ckx

[Marysia]

So sweet, so heartfelt.
I enjoy the marriage of imagery and emotion through your word choice, that brings the text to life for me as the reader. Thank you for sharing.

[Gandré]

This is wonderful, once again... so melodious lines sing like a rippling stream and bring back memories of a way of life of partnership, perhaps now gone. It captures a places and times that we call longing.....I love the innocence of your words, dear Sarah.

[Emily B]

palpable, blue words ambling off the page cheerless and heartsore

written with true grace.

[Windy]

Short but very good poem. Sometimes less is more! Good flow and imagery, loved the last stanza! A sad, heartbreaking write. Emptiness/ lonliness are one of the hardest things to deal with, you have show that well in this poem. Well done. ;)

[bluessadmood]

its nice and full of love,romantic to the bone,nice images here,i just loved those words...
Empty is my heart,
dust covered and brittle
like the pages of an impossible story.
wonderful as always