Sweet Obsession

 

In the twilight of our many obsessions,

our tiny indiscretions seem to have

sharp tongues and even thicker hides. 

 

We speak in riddles with melancholy sentiments,

opening pathways to places where dreams

spark fires that engulf us in flaming tides.

 

I find myself trapped in a box, tied closed

with silver and gold ribbons, a beautiful thing

but none the less stifling in its confinement,

 

and still I know that you are the giver of freedom,

the one who will unwrap me, and liberate

my soul with your unparalleled refinement.

Reviews

[josh lawdermilt]

great imagery here!

[Elizabeth]

The first stanza got me... I read it several times. And the box... while beautiful, is also still a trap, isn't it? Great work. I loved this piece.

[Forest Green]

Fantastic...nice use of the unusual to describe something very real.

The final stanza was perfect.

Good work...!

Daniel

[Don Coorough]

This is the best of your new poems. This one uses imagery and metaphor. You express a deep commitment to yourself in such a life affirming way. I can feel you reaching out to someone, hoping they will unlock your cage and set you free. But I feel like you are speaking to two people, one in the beginning who is the jailer, and another at the end who would release you. I feel a sense of being torn in this poem, a desire to ride the updrafts of freedom's jet stream, and another that cannot find the ability to open the cage yourself.

I love the phrase "flaming tides." I love how you go from "sharp tongues and thicker hides" to "unparalleled refinement." What an arc in the poem that exhibits.

One little thing. I think it should either be stifling from confinement or stifled in its confinement. But it's your poem so tell me to shut up if you think I am wrong.

Anyone who might be offered the opportunity to unwrap you would be a fool not to accept. Anyone who might be offered the opportunity to unlock your soul would revel in the joy which would come from having their own soul unlocked and would be unwrapped as well.

Excellent writing!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Some obsessions can be healthy and other time destructive... when to people share such an intimate obsession with one another it can be so beautifully intense just as your breathtaking piece so vividly describes.

[Dani California]

This is wonderful. Trapped in a box... not a bad box... a pretty box... but trapped nonetheless. One that confines, yet you love the way it smells when you're in there. You want out, but the only one who will free you, is the one who keeps you there. Obsession indeed... love your use of metaphor.

Outstanding work!