The Sun

The Sun

A Poem by Melissa

The sun beat down heavily upon my neck. I could feel as it started to pink my flesh.

I found a shady tree that was in the middle of a big meadow. I wasn't sure if it was just a mirage or real but I sat under it either way and it offered relief from the sun. The shade felt colder than it actually was due to my prolonged exposure to the sun.

I looked up through the leaves and the sun fell slightly upon my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of it caressing my face. I opened my eyes again, looking at the leaves, that was when my imagination took charge of me.

The canopy of the tree reminded me of the night sky and the patches of sun were twinkling stars. Whenever the wind blew the leaves and created a temporary gap, it was a shooting star to me.

All of this as a result of a simple walk in the meadow.

© 2008 Melissa


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Reviews

I, myself, wouldn't really consider this poetry. However, I owe you a review since you entered my contest, so a review you will get.

You had beautiful imagery in this piece. It was very relaxing and easy to read. You chose interesting words to help this along, and the flow from paragraph to paragraph (or, stanza to stanza, whichever you prefer) was as liquid as water.

"I looked up through the leaves and the sun fell slightly upon my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of it caressing my face." Although I have no suggestions as to how, I would try to reword these sentences as to not repeat the word "face." It seems to screw with the rhythm/flow of the paragraph to have the word repeated so close together.

This piece was beautiful. You are a very talented writer.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Beautiful. I love how you saw night within day.

Posted 12 Years Ago


beautiful!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Ahh! Very relaxing. I was there daydreaming right along with you!
Love All, Mejasha

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I loved how you found the sky in such a thing. :) the poem had very simple, clear language which is hard to come by now a days. Only criticism I have is that

"I looked up through the leaves and the sun fell slightly upon my face."
There should be a period after leaves. Sounds better that way to me.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 5, 2008

Author

Melissa
Melissa

NY



About
I've been around for 20 years now and am majoring in Music History and Culture at Syracuse University. Sometimes I write, sometimes I don't, and whether or not it's any good, I can never tell. And my .. more..

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