Drowning in Suspension

inspired by a dream

 

 

Life consists of memories
making us who we are today

 

All those choices...

 

Few Successes.

 

Disgruntled Mistakes.

 

Agonizing Regret.

 

Remembered Scars.

 

A soul full of life never dies...
Does it?

 

I am awakened by equivocal voices of a
crimson sea bitter from too many tears...

 

For salvation.

 

The drowning is very, very slow

and tortuous...

 

Ever so slowly I drown...

 

Everything changes every minute,

yet I remain suspended...

 

Ambiguous Always.

 

Always too Ambiguous.

 

Change poses question in salty stirs and

ripples, babbling practical rationale...

 

Why...

 

As if I don't know the reasons.

 

I hear it's only a matter of time before the tide

turns...

 

To caress the purity of true love

To feel kisses in the sincerity of a soft rain

To taste the honesty of the snow on a lover's lips

 

Truly.

 

Deeply.

 

Without tears.

 

I am still waiting for someday,

Wondering...

 

Is it worth it?

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Dedicated to those who suffer from feelings of hopelessness, not only during the holidays, but all year.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

There's a jazz blues instrumental on the radio. It seems to fit the mood of the dream-scape your poem conjours up. Yes, it is a sad them, and perhaps distressing to experience. But... You capture the feeling expertly and nail it down in a way that conveys the dream like qualities of the experience. Yes, it is sad, but life is sad in many ways. I like the way the poem starts off in a rational way but then slides into the dream. I've heard it said that drowing is a gentle death. But the idea of it being in slow motion terrifies. Is the very pulse of life ambiguous? -- Hamlet It's a very intimate psychological poem and many people with ask the same questions it poses. Enjoyed the read. It's intelligent and honest.

[Dani California]

This is complex. The last line "is it worth it?" ... made me pause. I think that question would always have to be yes, because this is a necessary part of our existence. What 'is' without "it"?

I love the questions and the statements posed in this piece, leaving the reader to ponder their existence and what it truly means, perhaps to delve into self a bit deeper. "Ambiguous Always, Always too Ambiguious" .. I sense confusion in those lines... a need to hang onto something more solid.

This is an awesome write A. Very thought provoking indeed... so many levels to explore.

As is always the case, magificently done!

(and that graphic....WOW!)

[Lady V]

I know how you feel on this one. The holidays mean so much to so many and people tend to be very over bearing with their own joy that they forget that others are down. This was my first Thanksgiving with my mom being in a nursing home and that took away from my happy go lucky spirit. lol I was not in the holiday mood at all. Some people left me alone but a few did what they could to make me feel better.


This poem really hit home for me. Thank You

Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[These Haunted Hallways]

Wow! Yep. Im definitely one of those who suffer. God, ur words were amazing in this poem! Lonliness is tragic. It would be so nice to have someone to hold and love, forever. But finding that special person, or letting that person come to you...is the hard part in life, i guess. Then u wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...And i guess that's when the symptoms of hoplessness kick in. I dont think it's all our fault, even tho inside we may feel that it is. I guess it just takes time. Then maybe one day something beautiful will happen. And we can be happier people again. Ugh, i probably didnt make any sense in this review at all lol- if ya dont understand, plz let me know right away and i'll explain it to you lol!! All i can say is that i can relate to it plenty, and that ur words have struck a chord with me. Very thought-provoking and amazing poem. Beautiful job :)

B.A.

[Legion]

Slowly the tide will turn. Adrift in the mists of memories and time. Very well done. For me, a feeling of hopelessness and hope blended together. Good work.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is exceptionally brilliant!
You know, a lot of people often say to me that no matter how deep a wound is, it will just heal with time.
No matter how much you are in pain right now, but someday you will find that the person who gave you all that pain really didn't deserved your tears. Because the one who really deserve your tears will never ever make you cry....

I mean, that's what a lot of people say to me but they just don't know one thing that some people in this world have so much pain and darkness in their hearts that even the brightest festival of Christmas or a New Year celebration can't bring that light and shine back to their lives.

People say that...Time will fade all of your memories but the fact is that it is just us who doesn't want time to fade those precious memories. Because gradually, they becomes a part of us and we just can't live without them....

I loved these lines the most -
"I am awakened by equivocal voices of a
Crimson sea bitter from too many tears..." -Very well written.

You have also concluded it beautifully.
A great piece of writing with which I can relate so much....

[Mark D. Chevalier]

There certainly is plenty of those feelings going around these days. It makes you appreciate what you have, and put into proper place the things that really matter.

You braoched upon the mystics of life with your stanza on "A soul full of life never dies...Does it?"

It begs the question for an introspective look into ones own soul does it not?

Beautifully done!
Mark

[Pax Analog]

Gorgeously downbeat twilight zone poem.

That trademark "signage" of yours, the way you frame and contrast striking phrases as ad copy for ITSELF, so to speak -- "Agonizing Regret," "Always too Ambiguous," "I am awakened by equivocal voices of a crimson sea bitter from too many tears..." -- here becomes neon for a strange sense of hopeless ambiguity.

Soul candor suggests THIS is the condition, as blindly uncertain mortals, we are ALWAYS in, but seldom immerse ourselves in. I've used the phrase "cruel to be kind" in a just-posted song to suggest that love as truth is not always what we want to hear. On the deepest, most thorough possible level, this is the situation with spirituality and radical gurus vis-a-vis the presumptive "seeker," the one who feels a need for, or hopes for salvation.

If we ACCEPT the dilemma you so eloquently delineated, we don't really sink any further, but we at least have the kernel of a Witness who is not attached to the rise and fall one way or another, EVER.

The answer to ambiguity and despair is unflinching paradox. We both ARE the struggling soul ("What's it all about, Alfie?") and are NO-THING but pure adamantine awareness. That observation is the core of what has been called the perennial wisdom for at least 5000 years, and only glancingly addressed by religion, that counterfeit, would-be spirituality.

Note that acceptance is not an agreement with the problematic, but a LETTING GO. There is no other way to SEE our ENTIRE condition adequately. This takes quite a bit of sustained rigor and application to make as strong as our karmic tendencies, to be a real counter-weight.

Once we begin to humorously doubt our own doubts a bit, there is more CLEARING, a palpable understanding, that parallels the hints in quantum physics -- what happens when we shift identification from the particle to the wave function, for instance? A crude analogy to suggest we thoroughly underrate our own psycho-spiritual cognitive powers, due to the relentless unconscious programming of "normality."

"I hear it's only a matter of time before the tide/turns.../To caress the purity of true love/To feel kisses in the sincerity of a soft rain/To taste the honesty of the snow on a lover's lips/Truly./Deeply./Without tears./
I am still waiting for someday,/Wondering.../Is it worth it?"

When radical BEING overrides our shifting perceptions, the question-answer apparatus dissolves.

Your illustration is as gorgeous as your brooding poem, hauntingly effective.

Because this poem is emotionally rich and archetypal, it naturally summons both an appreciation of what it is, and a philosophical query of what it addresses.

Beautiful work from a beautiful soul.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Life certainly hold many joys and tragedies and yes they do certainly effect who we are... we also must use our will and determination to change the things in us that we don't like seeing in the mirror... once again a very intelligent and creative piece of writing that anyone reads should take to heart.