Follow Thy Sun

Sonnet IV of a series

 

The gazing silence in my eyes serves purpose;

Comprehend the plot -- read between the lines;

My exodus lies in your equivocal course;

Aphrodite calls me, so allow this to nobly die;

Each day with you is coveted by darkness;

As I rest near the black brook, no tears remain;

Another has moved me, and I must depart;

I fancy he is waiting at seduction's gate;

Uninhibited, I am free within his warm thighs;

Explorers beneath a crimson blanket--deep;

My wings spread as I feel his life inside;

I taste the sweetness of unbridled desire;

     For you are winter -- my heart you slain;

     He is summer -- sophistication I gain.

 

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Well now that's eloquently amusing: "Hit the road, Jack" (or, "Dear John, your wussiness leaves me cold") as written by a female 17th century Bard! Chicsphere.

I like the quietist declaration of romantic death, appropriately black-coded, followed by the crimson new blood love.

Tense quibble: "For you are winter -- my heart you slain;/He is summer -- sophistication I gain." I know you want the slain/gain rhyme, but it would be "slayed." How about "my heart you stained" and "sophistication I gained"?

Fine work, otherwise. Is it autobiographical? Gosh, I thought I was next! ;-) Let me know when you need a profound savage. ;-)

[C.R. Moore "Lasla"]

Nice declaration of departed love. Your lines vividly describe the excitement of lust all new lovers feel and the coldness of lost desire. It reminds me of the four types of love as described by the Greeks: Eros (Lust), Agape (Family/true love/spiritual), philia (friend), and storge (loving those we have to). The reason your poem brings the Greek terms to mind is due to the Eros versus Agape connection. Agape has a small amount of lust connected to it but it is far deeper and more complex. Excellent write.
Lasla

[Buddhistboy73]

Wow! just came across your work this evening, and i am deeply inspired. This is very beautiful, sensual writing....i really connected with this. Even felt the pain of the lost lover in the line "another has moved me and i must depart..."
looking forward to reading more of your stuff...

[Moyo]

This is an excellent work of art. I feel unworthy to read it. Your skills as a poet are very superior. I was transferred to the realm of the gods as my mind pondered these words.

[Luna]

I love the talking of the Greek Gods. The poem is amazingly well written and the voice, remarkable. Thank you so much for posting it

[Clockwork]

I would have to agree with Pax's reviews. The errors I spotted are the same. I think that these sonnets make up your best work.

[An owl on the moon]

Such beautiful, profound contrasts that move through feelings of summer and winter, light and darkness, joy and pain... What an amazing write of dreaming depth... Loved this!

[Fran Marie]

For you are winter -- my heart you slain;

He is summer -- sophistication I gain.


This is quite lovely in its poetic expression~so loved the ending

couplet to this well crafted sonnet~

Thanks for sharing the beauty of such poetic verse my friend

~Fran Marie

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Ah! Apollonia...This is one of the most breathtakingly beautiful sonnets I have ever read...
" For you are winter -- my heart you slain;

He is summer -- sophistication I gain." - The way you have written this line is beyond my comprehension...Though I loved the entire sonnet equally but for me, these lines stands out from the rest....They gave the entire piece a perfect closure which revolves in readers mind much after completing its read.
A very mature piece of writing :)

[Emily B]

This is brilliant, full of glowing sun. And passion. Loved it.

[TamiViolet]

To Guest,

It would have been much better to send me a private message, BTW. Yes, my real name is Tamiviolet Manchas, but anyone who has been on the cafe for a couple of years and has maintained contact with me knows this. If you would have taken the time to read some of my pieces, like 'Higher' for instance, you would see that I acknowledge who I am. I didn't wait long to post here; I've been posting on this site for a little over two years. I felt compelled to close my profile here as Tamiviolet for personal reasons, so I chose Apollonia as my pen name. That is okay, is it not? Yes,although the sonnets were initially written a couple years ago, I have revised certain elements to polish them up a bit.

I went to your profile and see that you have conveniently closed it which leads me to believe that you're someone I know, but it's okay. All the work is mine...mine...and only mine.... Tamiviolet and Apollonia are one in the same....Truly, if you were within the sound of my voice, I would indeed have you in court. I do not accept your apology because you publicized information to arouse gossip and scandal instead of sending me a private message. Information of plagiarism is a serious accusation; moreover, an outright lie.

I will be reporting this review to Charlie. The rating was unjust and the review unconstructive. I hope the next time you point the finger at an innocent person, you suffer serious consequences. You know, I really didn't need this right now in my life, especially when it's a lie. You must be one of those who thrives on that. But then again... I know you, and you know all this....don't you...?