Lost among Morals

Something I thought a lot about as a kid.

I used to read stories of legends. Stories

Of the heroes of old saving the day.

Defying death, using their power for good

And always making the right choices.

I never thought I could be one.

I never thought of myself as someone deserving of power.

As someone who could make the right choice.

When I was young,

My brother would make me the bad guy

In all of our games

And I would play along.

When I got to be a good guy

I was the sidekick .

When I was a kid

My mother would tell me about all the good people of the world.

And that there were bad ones too,

And I wondered if I was a bad guy.

I didn’t want to be bad

But I could never do the right things,

And there was always this part of me

that wanted to do something bad.

I came to love redemption

To believe that the bad could be saved.

All they had to do was want to be good

And it could happen.

I came to love monsters

And the creatures that people would hate.

I would imagine myself as a monster the hero would find

And between killing and dying,

He would chose to save me,

And I would fight at his side.

I kept waiting

To be someone’s tool

In fixing the world.

And believed that I could only ever be a tool

It was the only way I could help.

But I never met my hero

Instead I found monsters

Even worse than me.

And I realized

No one else is going to save the world,

So I might as well try.