~Forgiving and Forsaken~

 

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

Arthur Pike

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lights are flickering in this darkness

drowning my soul in heart-breaking dread

left choking on SCREAMS of agony, “take me instead!!!”

shrill of phone, slaughtering spiritual thread

the call…. impersonal…..cold…..

…………“your brother is dead”……………..

 

 

The earliest memory, soothing snapshot

of me holding you, tiny little angel stained

without a mother, thrust into the same devil’s domain

sharing my chains of sorrow, torturing and INHUMANE………..

yet rainbows of unconditional love exchanged

your bright light lifting, allowing exalted refuge

………….so warm and comforting in a life of pain…………

 

 

I surrender my tears and anger

letting go of resentment, hate and despair

forgiving wicked ways of the world

for blatant refusal of unanswered prayers

light may be gone, but my love I declare

………may you be at peace with the angels up there……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Pax]

so sorry for your lost, my friend... this is such a heartfelt tribute, your love is felt through the words you've expressed here. Your love is greater than what he did in the past... with that its all that matters for him and prayers for him to be at peace with the angels up above... simply beautiful!

[AprilRN1210]

our love is greater than anything, yes.. thank you for your warm, sweet thoughts and prayers.. I appreciate it :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

moving and heartfelt.
I can only imagine how hard it must be. i join you in your prayer: ………may he be at peace with the angels up there……
loved your poem, hate the incident.
god bless
:)

[AprilRN1210]

words cannot express how much I appreciate that.. thank you... ((hugs)) my friend..

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome........take care.
:)

[00000000000000000000000..]

It is a very moving poem April:) Your Brother be proud of it as you wrote from your deepest of heart:) My dear I cant say it will be easy, I can say you have memories and that is one thing no1 can take away. In death comes life , sometimes its not how we wish to see. My deepest thoughts go out to you and family within this time.

[AprilRN1210]

that they can't... i have those memories to carry with me.. thank you my sweet friend.. I appreciate your kind words... ((hugs))

[ron]

I am sorry for your lose April.
I wish I had words to comfort you at this time.
As long as you remember him he shall not be forgotten.

may his heart rest with yours in love.

[AprilRN1210]

you are always so sweet, and you have made me start crying again.. thank you... he will always be in mine....

[ron]

You are most welcome.
I did not mean to make you cry April :(

[AprilRN1210]

I know, Ron... you just touched me..

[ron]

I hope I touched you in a good way April.

[AprilRN1210]

that you have my friend.. thank you...

[ron]

You are most welcome Dear friend.

[Fran Marie]

sorry for your loss... a heartfelt write and beautiful tribute for your brother...

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you Fran.. it means a lot to me for you to take the time and offer me such sweet sentiment.. I appreciate it.. honestly.

[Matching Socks]

April, I'm so sorry sweetheart. I had hoped for better news. My heart and my thoughts are with you.
I wish I could be there to hug and hold you. This poem has moved me to tears. Stay strong beautiful girl.
((((((Hug))))))

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you... I had hoped too... I just hope he wasn't scared and alone... I hope he knows that I would've given anything to be there and would take his place if I could... I sure needed those hugs... I appreciate all your kind words and thoughts

[Matching Socks]

Aww, sweetie, my hugs are all yours for as long as you need them.
xo

[AprilRN1210]

thank you...

[Wynter Ignatius]

I'm sorry will no bring him back to you but I still am...

Life will go on sounds good but in the moment it is not exactly the comfort you seek...

My condolences are solid and true but will not do much if anything to ease your pains...

In this moment I fear you will not read this for some time, but you have more pressing issues at hand.

Know this; you are a wonderful person from the tip of the iceberg I have seen in both all your works as well as out other chats and while I will not placate you and say I understand your pain I am willing to listen, any hour, any day, should you feel the need to just vent. I know I have said this before and your place right now I can not imagine but know that I care not if you cry, scream, etc. - this is about your pain, your feeling and not mine. Heck, if I were closer I would gladly offer my shoulder to cry on or punch as the need you feel changes. Regardless the time passes, you will find this door always open as I have said before I rarely if ever close those I open.

I'm trying to not get long winded with this but alas, I must be true to myself and let the words flow lest they hold myself back as one can't help if they themselves are brought down by their own demons. I am far from perfect and probably still a relative stranger but know I am in you corner - your wish, if I am able in any way, is your command; it really is that simple.

Take care, grieve and remember the good times. Yes, they say time heals all wounds and I have a fence-sitting attitude about that really as I have my own wounds that while not healed and far less deep in impact I have learned to focus the energies in other ways. Just know you are not alone and reach out should you feel the need - there are those that care that will help in any way they can should you ask.

May peace be with you and your family in this time; we will be here when you choose to return.

[AprilRN1210]

your offer and friendship are greatly appreciated right now, thank you... it means a lot... honestly. and words fail me now, but know that you have warmed my broken heart..

[Wynter Ignatius]

No problem my friend and I can understand a failure of words - you have far more pressing things to attend to than me. Just reach out if you feel the need - people will answer your call.

[AprilRN1210]

thank you again..

[Nusquam Esse]

This is not a mess at all, incredibly moving, and it is far better than most people would be able to do in your shoes... I just feel, sick to my stomach thinking of you and what you are going through right now. I am sorry that the call... had to be that way. You really show the beauty of your soul with your last stanza, such power in you that few people would have... And I adore the quote that you used on this one, very fitting... this is such a powerful tribute, and to you it may be a mess, but to me it is raw, and agonizing... and beautiful... Words cannot express how I am feeling right now... I know that to you he was more than 'just a brother'.... And of course, I recognize the significance of the song... Hang in there April... :(

[AprilRN1210]

mr technical is hiding when i need him... i wanted beautiful flowing verse and this is what i get... why?... i don't know either... he was so much more to me than "just a brother" yes... i would gladly take his place if i could... thank you for your sweet words and for "being there".. that means a lot in my book..

[Nusquam Esse]

I can relate to the feeling, of wanting to take their place... probably the only part of this that I can understand... I remember when I was eight, and realizing that I had doomed myself and both of my sisters... and that we were all going to die, and it was my fault. And I don't mean it in the whole "It is my fault that they were there", it was quite literally my own fault... So I decided that my death was inevitable, and I just wanted my sisters to get out somehow... the guilt... and the feeling that they were worth more than I was... we are our own worst critics I guess. It was a terrible feeling, almost twenty years later I still have the nightmares... As for mr. technical... sorry, but I don't think this should be torn apart by him... besides, I don't think I am emotionally composed enough to do it... I will try my best to be by your side, at least in spirit, when you are in pain.

[AprilRN1210]

Yea.... Figured you wouldn't,.. Ughhh
I know...and thank you

[Nusquam Esse]

If you really need the distraction... I can try... it will be a bit tough; but less than an iota of an eidolon in comparison with what you are going through...

[AprilRN1210]

your brain is too big for me to compete with at the moment... normally I would jump on that...

[DJ]

No better fitting tribute,than this open and honest expression.

[AprilRN1210]

thank you DJ. I tried.. brain won't work right, I wanted beautiful words but hurts so much this is all that will come out.. my heart on the page... jumbled up mess.. but honest it is...

[DJ]

Getting out the raw is good,plenty of time to refine,when you have had time to process and work thru everything you are going thru.You have a lot of support,use it.

[AprilRN1210]

Yes, you are right... Just gotta get my head back on...