The 'Thing'

The 'Thing'

A Story by ArchAngeL009

This is only a single paragraph, kindly give me some constructive comments. Should I continue on this?


 The drover ran as fast as he could. The lake! Jump into the lake and I’ll be safe. He turned abruptly and headed toward the lake. S**t! I can’t swim! He quickly changed his direction again and sprinted toward the farmhouse.  Behind, the sound of footsteps was getting nearer, the ‘thing’ was nearing. The roof! I’ll be safe on the rooftop. He dashed toward a pillar and began climbing up. Faster! He was reaching for the crossbeam, when, all of a sudden, the ‘thing’ grabbed his feet. He panicked. The next thing he knew he was being pulled down violently.


© 2011 ArchAngeL009

Author's Note

Should I continue on this?

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I see this is an old post, but the "discover" option brought up your work. I think it could be a good story. I would omit all the exclamation points, though. Also, make sure your dialogue stands out from the narration. I was taught to use italics for a character's inner thoughts, quotes for anything said aloud. I hope that helps.

Posted 4 Years Ago

There's always the potential to continue on an idea, so long as you're passionate about it. This paragraph is filled with desperate emotion and you're good at showing it. Have you considered doing it entirely in first person? The narration of the character's direct thoughts seem more powerful to me, although it's hard to judge based on such a limited amount. I'd love to hear more, especially an introduction, or at least an explanation on what's going on. I suppose this could very well be the first paragraph in a story. Definitely catchy enough.

Posted 12 Years Ago

You could. But the person will need some assistance. I like the feel and emotion of this story. Fear and escape was strong in your words. A very good chapter.

Posted 12 Years Ago

You should i want to know what happened to him.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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4 Reviews
Added on January 8, 2011
Last Updated on January 9, 2011



Klang, Malaysia

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