Broken Silence

Broken Silence

A Story by Ace St. Jean
"

After betraying a criminal organization, a brave man must fight to stay alive All while trying to survive in a crumbling world.

"
CHARLES 

“There is nothing left, they are all dead, sir.” 
“Good, now go out to the, gather what remains, gather food, water, and supplies.”
“Yes, sir.” Replied a man, shaking from lack of nutrition.
“And If you find anyone kill them on sight.” Said another man with a piercing voice.
Charles walked through an empty corridor down through several flights of stairs. Some of the other inhabitants, who were starving and dying paid close attention to him. Wondering what would happen next.
Entering the garage, a room filled with gas cans and auto parts, there was also dead silence, which sent chills through Charles’ back and worried his mind. While the smell of fumes and gasoline burned his throat. Despite, this Charles climbed into a white van, with dents and rust the van still managed to start. Careful, not to hit anything Charles backed out, shaking with fear he clamped onto his gun and remembered “I’ll only kill, if they try to kill me.
EVE

Nothing, no one, none, nothing; that is what this is, nothing an empty meaningless void . . . in which I am trapped. Thought a girl, around the age of fourteen. I have nothing.
Her frail malnourished hand swept through a pile of garage, filled with cockroaches, maggots, and whatever else managed to survive the wasteland.
“NOTHING!” She shouted, “ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS NOTHING!” her cry echoed through the void of emptiness, but no one could hear her. Not even God can hear me, she thought.
CHARLES

The sound of the van masked the silence, I swear I could hear someone shouting thought Charles. Pulling out a map nearly falling apart, Charles though of the task before him.
Driving cautiously out of the gated neighborhood where he had been in order to survive for countless days. I have entered another world he though. With the gated world getting farther and farther away, chills and a surge of fear engulfed Charles. He was shaking more now, he continued on with his hand glued to the wheel and with a mind on the verge of insanity.

EVE
Two days of food, several days of water, five minutes of sanity, is all that I have, though Eve. Using a broken pencil she wrote this on a piece of ripped paper. She carefully set the paper down to remind her of the grim reality but also to let it go and see the light. She then picked up a Wall Street Journal, which was published on the day she last talked to her parents. “Stock Exchange in Chaos” "it was printed on Sept. 20th 2020, the final day of mankind. Staring at the paper she remembered the writer is dead, this is a symbol of the past, a symbol of when mom and dad were living. A symbol of life.
Thinking about that day, she quickly put the paper away, only to hear a slight rumble in the silence that she had known for so very long.
CHARLES

Houses lined the empty street, each one left as it was. A white van cut through the silence, I will only take what I need, though Charles. Charles parked the van outside of an overgrown house"he then cut the engine to save gasoline"returning the world to a silent state. Stepping onto the cracked pavement, the cold empty air filled Charles’ lungs, and his mind with doubt and fear.
“Well I’ll start here,” he whispered to himself, to break some of the silence.
Walking up the driveway to a large white house, which he found strikingly familiar. Plants, grass, and flowers covered the yard and almost hiding the structure.
Charles’ footsteps echoed throughout the neighborhood as the empty world remained silent. With almost robotic movements Charles broke though the plant covered front door, upping seeing the house’s interior Charles nearly fainted.
EVE 
There’s a man down there, thought Eve. He’s looking for food and supplies. Eve though while staring at a strange white object in the distance. I heard him drive up, he cuts through the silence.
Walking closer and closer Eve felt terrified and existed at the same time. Maybe he could help me, thought Eve"or maybe he’s one of them. Well if he has a working van then he must know of others, Eve thought while nearing the silent van.
CHARLES

This place, is just as it was, left from that very last day, Charles thought. With all that has happened he hadn’t realized he stumbled upon his parents’ old house. Breathing in the musty smell he quickly made his way to the kitchen"there’s no time for memories: I’m starving and I’ll be punished if I don’t get back. Entering the kitchen Charles began to rummage through each and every one of the cabinets finding there was no food, it must have been taken already, he thought.
“You’re not going to find anything, sir.” Called a voice, the sound of which caused Charles to nearly fall over. I’m not alone he though, and I don’t want to do this. As he was thinking a wave of fear hit him enveloping his mind, Charles pulled out his gun and fired"firing at the place where the voice came from. The silence disappeared as his mind became filled with the countless horrible memories; his past began to haunt him once more as with being the place where it happened Charles froze. He stopped shaking while his mind raced, why did you do that? What are you doing here? You fired a gun on your parents’ grave?! The thoughts engulfed his mind and then it stopped. Ended. Reverted back to the silence that was there before.
“You fired your gun, and then you fainted, sir.” Said a young girl. “You were in there quite a while.”
“Where am I? Who are you?” Charles asked confused.
“You're still in the house and your van is still parked outside.”
Charles reached his hand out to feel her long but oily hair. “It’s nice to know that you’re real,” he said.
“I’d like to apologize for having nothing to give to you; I’ve been living on my own since my parents were murdered.” Said the girl.
“And it’s getting dark, sir, you may have to stay here overnight.”
With the thought of it becoming night, Charles sat up. Blood started running through his veins, his mind started things clearly once more. And in a flash he was up and running, ready for what was to come. 
“C’mon. They’ll kill me and you.” Shouted Charles, in the distance a sound of an approaching car could be heard. There were men shouting as well as several gunshots, the sound of which killed the silence of the world.”
“Where are we going, sir?” Said the girl frantically.
“My name is Charles,” Charles replied while climbing into the driver’s seat, the girl quickly climbed into the passenger seat. Charles turned the key while trying to calm his mind and body.
Shouting began to fill the air it was coming from several men with guns.
“What do they want? Charles,” asked the girl.
“They want power and strength, they want to murder and enslave anyone who stops them.” Charles said with great fear.
The van began to shake, the frame and seats were falling apart, as it accelerated. A window in the back burst"glass flew in all directions, one sliced Charles’ arm"another scrapped his neck. Blood ran down him along with what little sweat he had. They will not kill me or this young lady who saved me; they will not take anymore lives! He thought.
While Eve sat petrified her heart race and she thought of her parents. Who were murdered trying to leave New York. Glancing over at Charles she saw the face of a man who feared death, while she wanted to dies and be freed even more than ever.
“You hear me! You will not take any more lives; you son of a . . .” Charles shouted at the gunman, before a bullet caught his neck, tearing through his skin. Blood splattered, while Eve shouted and jumped from her seat pushing Charles into the door and out into safety.
Within the same moment the car with the gunmen collided with the van"one gunman who had survived came charging at Eve, but Eve quickly grabbed Charles’ pistol and in a clean shot the man lay dead.
“You infected the world, killed my friends and family; you will not take another life. Not ever again!” Shouted Eve with all her strength, turning to Charles’ who was bleeding, “It’s only begun.” Charles said in a dying voice.
And with that he stood holding the blood back, with more and more strength he shouted, “IT HAS ONLY BEGUN! YOU HEAR ME! IT HAS ONLY BEGUN!”
From that moment on, the silence of the world was broken, and the ones responsible greatly feared what would come next . . . .

© 2016 Ace St. Jean


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So this is interesting. I'm not a hundred percent sure what exactly is going on. It's written very much like a screenplay with a lot of dialogue and character swapping back and forth.

You've got several things going on here a few good and a few bad. The good is that you've got action and some mystery that keeps people reading.

The bad is that you've got a ton of self editing as far as random punctuation and grammar mistakes (quotations out of place and unorganized paragraphs) along with random capitalization on words that don't need it.

Do a quick read-through and edit these things firstly.

Secondly, when using inner dialogue for character thoughts I'd suggest italics for that, otherwise things get jumbled and your readers won't know left from right.

Keep up the writing,

Cheers.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Ace St. Jean

6 Years Ago

Interesting that you say that. This short story was written for a film project, and I needed somethi.. read more
Wixed

6 Years Ago

I think, for sure, if you're using this at a brainstorming exercise, then that's awesome and you sho.. read more
Ace St. Jean

6 Years Ago

Thanks, and yes the project is moving along.
It's good. But, it could use a little work. You have quotation marks all over the place where they shouldn't be. You misspelled a lot of words. I also think you need to separate the places where you slip back and forth between Charles and Eve, because it could confuse the reader sometimes. Other than that, it's very good. Welcome to writerscafe, fellow writer.

Posted 6 Years Ago



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275 Views
2 Reviews
Added on July 14, 2016
Last Updated on July 26, 2016
Tags: What Remains, Post-Apocalyptic, Crime, Organized Crime, Broken Silence

Author

Ace St. Jean
Ace St. Jean

CT



About
Science fiction with bits of drama and horror. That's what I enjoy writing. It may not be all that I post, but it's what i enjoyed writing. more..

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A Story by Ace St. Jean