Fluid in my Spine

Fluid in my Spine

A Poem by Arsenic Nemesis
"

Sometimes, I just feel GREAT!

"

Sometimes I get this feeling,

one that I cannot properly differentiate from others

it is at first a pop,

spark,

then fizzle!

The next thing I know I am woven,

fluid is in my spine and I just can’t stop!

Weave it to the left,

snaking back to the right;

such an exhilarating experience!

As high as a kite,

when a baby bird first takes flight

I dance under the influence of the sun,

and softly sway under the withered gaze of

the deep-rooted moon.

 

I must say, it reminds me oddly of the taste of wine,

this phenomenal fluid that is in my spine!

© 2010 Arsenic Nemesis


Author's Note

Arsenic Nemesis
What is this spell? Another poem!? This is outrageous! I cannot write a poem to save my twelfth dimesional life, and here I am with another!? Well, this is more than likely going to be another piece of garbage, but enjoy (if you can) mortals~

(And yes, this is how I felt yesterday, whilst dancing to the amazing cover of "99 balloons" by Goldfinger <3)

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Reviews

Well, I am not sure this preoccupation with the old 99luftballoons song is healthy, but hey...... whatever opens your vortex.
The poem is delightfully alien, entertaining and original.
The author's imagination level is staggering.


Posted 10 Years Ago


I've now read two of your poems, and I have to say your style makes me laugh. I honestly don't why though. It seems to have a life of its own. I like the imagery in this piece though.
p.s. Keep practicing your poetry, it'll just get better :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like this. It's deep.

Posted 10 Years Ago


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This poem is very excitingly expressive---I like the italicized words that emphasize the process of actions. Well written of your adventurous state. I really like your well-worded lines in the main body of this poem, and the rhyming in the last two lines wrap it up well with a touch of class! It reads well---I like it---and who cares if it makes sense or not; it's not garbage----IT'S WHO YOU ARE!

If you don't mind the minor corrections, perhaps the first "a" in the third line should be the word "at," and I would recommend adding the word "then" (nonitalicized) before "fizzle" to complete the indicated timing in that sentence.
Lastly, maybe replace the word "The" with "Then" in the sixth line to prevent redundancy. Everything else reads great.

Outstanding poetry!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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1023 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 12, 2010
Last Updated on December 13, 2010
Tags: dance, wine, spine, fluid, joyful, sun, moon, happy

Author

Arsenic Nemesis
Arsenic Nemesis

Redcar, United Kingdom



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