What is Madness?

I really wanted to right something that I wasn't used to, this is a little bit out of my element but tell me what you think. I don't really want to give much info and ruin it. This is just a 1st draft, I will be adding and revising soon enough.

  "My mind has problems staying focused anymore, it feels almost out of my grasp, like it floats above me. Well, that's just fine, just fine indeed. I think I will call him Sam, ya Sam, Sam and I have been friends for a long time. Whats that Sam, How did I get here? You silly hahaha, stop it, stop looking at me with those eyes. Don't look so smug, I know you don't have eyes.

  "I don't want to let him go. Is there anything we can do?" asked Sam.

"I don't know what you mean Sam, your supposed to be the brain. And you only speak nonsense, your so full of yourself. Oh wow, whats that?"

 It was large and opaque, hovering through the sky, a square streaming wall spanned the horizon. Sam's shadow was soon engulfed by the hungry mouth of darkness. It moved so slow, but the force it created was immense, what was this wonder that cast its weary stare on the plains below.

 "Sam, has it gotten warmer? Strange, usually shade brings cold, why in the hell would this be warm? My forehead! Why is it leaking water?"

  "Rip, we can't wait any longer, we've waited so long already. I'm sorry we have to do this."

 "Can you ever...wait, where did the grass go? It was just there, am I losing it? It's so stuffy, we're in the middle of nowhere, I can't understand it. I think I'm gonna have to take my jacket off."

 "What Jacket?"

 Rip simply stopped everything. The royal violet sky smiled in disgust at them. It hated them. It was out to ruin them to stop them no matter what. In this world nothing is clear, nothing is ever the same, change is what drives this place, this misery.

 "My family Sam! Where are they? They were supposed to meet me, but where, I have been walking since I can remember. If I could feel my fingers I would get up off of this ground. I'm so sick of looking, I don't even know what I am trying to find. Not anymore, my mind wants to rest, I want to rest. I feel like I'm slowing down, why...can't...I see straight? Sam...Sam." Rip muttered, as his thoughts slowly faded.

 "Rip..."

 

*Two days Later

 

 "My father was a wonderful man who did nothing but love his family, up until his accident twenty years ago on the way to my soccer tournament, he would have done anything to see me. But because of that striving will to come see me and make sure everything went well, he got careless. Struck by a car at the age of 36, I came home from my game to the notion that my father may never release from his comotose. So for the last twenty years I have sat by his side hoping he would make it out, but as I stand here today. You know. You know that we pulled the plug on him two days ago. Before we let him go, I kissed him on the forehead told him how much I loved him and pulled the lining over his face. It didn't really hit me until that long, flat, shriek of death rang through my ears repeatedly I couldn't stop it. My love for Rip will go on forever and I, Samantha Heytr will carry on the family love and straightfoward mindset that has gotten us through so much."

 

Author's Note

This is just a story I wanted to write for the hell of it, I just wanted some extra practice. Please, please, please, feel free to review, criticize, help me improve my work. This is just a rough 1st draft help me refine it into a working story. Thank You.

Reviews

[The Chimera]

This is sad but I really liked it. The concept is very interesting and I imagine you had a lot of fun writing this. It's still somewhat confusing to me, I think the top part could use a little more work. It feels a little rushed, it could use more description, more of what he's feeling. But other than that, it was a good read.

[Blackrose]

Well I didnt really see anything wrong, I liked it for the most part :P It was tad bit confusing, but I blame that on the fact you probably half meant it as well as me being incredibly tired :P (sry, Im not exactly on US time) But as for grammatical etc corrections, only one I actually saw was taht 'ya' should be 'yeah'. Other than that I think your good though :) I liked it, although remind me to read it again later when my minds not quite so braindead. Then Ill tell more about the story in whole, if u want-even though you seem to have atracted a good amount of other reviewers.

[Ravenskald]

:) will come back and do a full review

:)
R

[Aven]

Brilliant job, I agree it feels rather rushed, but it's got loads of potential, I really like it!

[Guardian]

I like it and I think it has a unique concept and a lot of potential. The beginning seems a little confusing. Especially on the first paragraph I think you could reformat it to make it flow a little easier. I liked the dialogue. It does seem a little rushed, like you were just trying to get it done. I'd love to see you spend some time developing more of the emotional side of things. I think it has a lot of potential. Great job and keep working!

[Shade334]

Amazing! I love it!