stuck

stuck

A Poem by Ashly Christen
"

still in this place

"

Let me have silence let me have peace to get lost in the currents rushing underneath

I feel the pull yet I stay afloat

I feel like a mermaid stuck on a boat

I want to dive and swim and feel the water surround my limbs

Let me have what I so much crave

Or you will find my sentiment hard to save

I search for the calm while madness whirls around my head

A little fly in a tangled web

I writhe and wriggle and fuss and fight but I feel like I am watching someone else’s life

Where did that girl go, the one who knew so well

How to break this mad awful spell

© 2012 Ashly Christen


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Featured Review

i like this but a suggestion...i like the water metaphor and you carry it for about two -thirds of the poem, then lose it.

would like to see that maintained..

the fly metaphor is good too, but that would be for a separate piece...

the half and half leaves the reader a little frustrated...i see two separate poems being made from this one...

just thoughts.

jacob

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

it probably is two poems made into one knowing the way my brain works, i do need to work at staying .. read more



Reviews

Nice job. :) The imagery was good. ^_^

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i really like how u made the poem flow, easy to read, easy to grasp great poem!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It looks like you decided on the beat of the poem as you came to the end of the first line ... I say this because from there you seemed to structure the verses visually to match that beat.The entire poem carried the beat in my ear of course. This is a very magnetic little write that keeps you drifting along as you read. I enjoyed it much. (Also I DO have a suggestion for a tweak if you are interested.)


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

always interested in a tweak :)
and thank you much for the review your so right about that rhy.. read more
I've been wondering a long time (since I'm on the web) when the spider is going to come. (laughing) Ya just gotta get in there and kick a little proverbial a*s gal. You've got the talent. This write here proves it. Nobody (let's us have) anything. We have to work for it if we want it...sorry...so sad but true...I hear Metallica singing...SAD BUT TRUE! ANYWAY...I agree with Jacob that one metaphor at a time is sufficient...personally, I like the fly! You could really go places as a fly...look what it did for Jeff Goldblum! (ha) MAYBE not a good example...

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

thank you, um I cant click that link tho lol
try again?
Fabian G. Franklin

8 Years Ago

Well then...you scan across it...copy and paste it in your browser bar...hit send...OR...you can wat.. read more
Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

ah ha, lol nice vid
i like this but a suggestion...i like the water metaphor and you carry it for about two -thirds of the poem, then lose it.

would like to see that maintained..

the fly metaphor is good too, but that would be for a separate piece...

the half and half leaves the reader a little frustrated...i see two separate poems being made from this one...

just thoughts.

jacob

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

it probably is two poems made into one knowing the way my brain works, i do need to work at staying .. read more
It is truly difficult feeling like you are stuck in one place like that. I think it can be emotionally crippling at times. With your simile about the mermaid, you show us how deep the yearning for movement is. You want to find your true element and return to your identity. These are all admirable qualities about this poem; it is a true examination of self and circumstances. Well done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

thank you :) and thank you for reading as well look forward to seeing you around
Clockwork

8 Years Ago

You are welcome. I hope to see you around as well :-)
Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

i like how we can comment on comments, i don't remember this from the last time i was on this siteread more
That is awesome... when we are young and innocent we see endless possibilities but once we are subjected by the real world we are blinded by the fears and disappointments of life.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashly Christen

8 Years Ago

thank you cowboy for the first review, always love hearing from you :)
The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)

8 Years Ago

Always my pleasure.

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579 Views
7 Reviews
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Added on December 28, 2012
Last Updated on December 28, 2012
Tags: mermaid, stuck, writer, writers block, current, silence, peace, web, tangled, lost, fight, life, write

Author

Ashly Christen
Ashly Christen

champaign , IL



About
so, my name is ashly. I have been through alot in life, my childhood was anything but easy and I am constantly being faced with new hurdles and journeys. I have learned alot from all i have been t.. more..

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