Torch of Ribbons

Torch of Ribbons

A Poem by AtiiNiaga

Last year at Girls' Camp, there was a walking stick with one ribbon for each of the Young Women values tied to it. For camp this year, I was asked to write a poem about that stick. Here it is. ^_^


Fingers curl ‘round the stick

          Blazing colors fly above

                   Hold the emblem, all to see

                             Share God’s light, His truth and love


Blinding white, my faith is strong

          Blazing blue, I am divine

                   Fiery red, my worth is great

          Brilliant green, knowledge is mine

Glowing orange, make a choice

          Dancing yellow, work for good

                   Flaming purple, integr’ty

                             Shining gold, as virtue should


Beauty bright, our ensign true

          Gifts from God for you and me

                   As Young Women we are strong

                             Standard-bearers for all to see

© 2012 AtiiNiaga

My Review

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I absolutely loved the first and last stanza, everything felt so natural and it was beautiful, exactly what you needed for that particular message. The middle though, some of the rhymes felt a little bit forced, and it just didn't flow. I think if you play around with the words a little bit you could still keep the essence of what you are trying to say. I really do love it though!

Actually, the first time I read it only the first two worked for me, but the second time, they all did except for integrity...

Something I feel is relevant to say here. A teacher of mine once said it's better not to rhyme when making poetry about religion because it's such a personal topic and you need to focus on writing exactly what you feel about it instead of worrying about rhyming, though I would say the rhymes in the first and last stanzas definitely added to your poem instead of taking away from it...

Anyway, good job and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Posted 8 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on June 14, 2012
Last Updated on June 14, 2012
Tags: Torch, Ribbons, AtiiNiaga, Young Women




Things I like: Bionicle, adventure, writing, drawing Favorite colors: green and blue Favorite color combination: white and gold Favorite stereotypical character to write about: the hypera.. more..