The Deal Breaker

You are such a child he said, you don’t know anything about love. How it hurts, how it becomes boring after declaring passion towards each other. You have no idea he said, how brutal relationships can get. He was a hero hidden underneath the hard skin; he was broken and didn’t let anyone to fix him. Because he learned how to live with the pain and how to enjoy the pain. Because he realized pain could be beautiful in its own special way. He felt opia every time he looked in the mirror. This ambiguous intensity of his own look was invasive and vulnerable at the same time.  He didn’t want to see himself in the eyes of someone bc his own gaze was perilous. He was afraid to drain into somebody’s veins and slip through the body because than they would become the part of him and that’s what he feared utmost.

Love - A profoundly tender, deep passionate affection for another person

Relationship " An emotional connection, association or involvement

She tied her last shoe lace and stand in front of the mirror. Little black dress was always the good idea for the date. Room was full with bright light even though it was night. Her earrings were glittering in the mirror. The stitches of the dress were following and repeating the silhouette of the body. Red dye draw her lip lines. Friday seemed like a relief from the long week. She was late for her date for half an hour already. It was not long since she has started going out with people over again. But today Aurorras thoughts were circling around her head. Why would she need someone to define her happiness? Did she really need dates, relationships, and men to feel good or was that social influence on her. The dress was showing her hips, deep V cut has lined up across her neckline. Aurorra Borealis once again glanced at herself in the mirror and stepped out from the old building in the city center, which has become her house for last couple of years. She hated this house bc it never felt like home, this grey bluish walls never offered her warmth and support. They just stood there provocatively as if the time did not exist for them. People were coming and going through these walls, they were vulnerable, loved and deserted, born and deceased but these building could hold all this together bounded by their walls and not falling apart.

-Why the hell are you thinking about all this now?! You should be cheerful, thoughtless and pretty. She told to herself - That’s all you need to be tonight. Not a control freak, analyzing human existential crises through the cascades of emotions! One two tree she got her smile and moves on the feet, four five six walking through the street, seven eight ready for the date, nine to ten he cancelled the plans. She was supposed to feel humiliated and angry but the sound of her high hills was reflecting the different thing. Aurorra felt sudden happiness and frivolity under her feet. She could have all her time back and enjoy the life as she would like, freedom has become her ecstasy and self-reflection her addiction.

Next thing she know, she was sitting on the terrace, with warm low lights, having  glass of great red wine, trying to avoid eye contact with the staring people around, as it was not socially relevant and appropriate for young lady alone to be sitting and enjoying all by herself. Warm breeze was lingering on her hair, she smelled the life, she sensed it with all her nerves that human being can be anywhere she/ he can like, can become anyone and enjoy anything if she/he has peace of mind and faith in the heart. She realized that life has tempered her character like steel. She was vulnerable and emotional, she felt sadness and happiness sometimes at the same time, she was full with imperfections but she could accept herself and live with it.

Self-Acceptance " observing yourself without judgement, and realizing that not everyone can like you.

Everything began with the flawless conversation. She was Aurorra and he was the man of god. She wanted to become his muse, but he became hers, he was embodied in between the lines every sentence she wrote. Every comma touched his eye lashes and every question mark linked to the enigmatic look of his eyes. Dots were feeling and filling his erogenic zones. He wanted to die but she made him immortal with the thousands of little letters on the paper.

The eye contact was enchanting, and the voice strangely invasive.  Moves were quick and words were smart. His inner power was overwhelming. Aurorra felt in every move he made the dangerous traction towards him. He was arrogantly smooth and genuinely brutal. His color was grey for Aurora. That was the first thing she was doing while meeting new people, assigning them colors and he was grey. “Grey is the devils favorite color” quote slipped through her mind. But it depends how you wear it - she was thinking while listening but not actually hearing his words, if you wear it with orange it will give you the feeling of warm autumn sun, cozy sweater or sweet and juicy taste of pear, but if you wear grey with black it will take you to the twilight or under the clouds of a heavy storm. I wonder which once is he? And with the characterizing manner he goes " “Well I like orange on my suite and I always wear colorful socks.” What a random sentence, but she knew he was the warm day of autumn for her and sweet taste of pear.

The night was long, he danced her to the moon. Breaths became drunk and touches became closer. Aurorra was drawing circles with her feel and circling moves with her hips. Latin music was pounding blood to the head. He was strong and steady, spinning her around him but not letting her go. She was feathering, following the lead of the man. Conversations became more honest and night became sleepless. Neither of them realized how much time has passed when the first sun beam like a flash of hope flared on their faces. Night has become morning and dark has grown into light.

-Is darkness lack of light " Aurorra asked herself banal question, She wanted to know what he was thinking but didn’t want to interfere his thoughts.

They had the entire city underneath the feet and this was the first ever thing they have shared and owned together. Golden sunlight has cleaved the sky and redrawn the colors of their soles in the echelons of the purple clouds. The silence was beautiful and the nature was captivating.  He touched her neck with the warm finger tips, slowly and gently not to scare her off. She felt how hands slipped down from neck to shoulders, but what was strange she was still feeling them on the neck, and then from shoulders to the arms. Aurorra felt how his heart was speeding and how her heart was beating in his ears. Her chicks turned red from the pleasuring tension of his touch. She was not facing him, she could not. With the tender push he turned her around and aurora felt his burning breath on her lips. Soft music was playing somewhere in the background and they were flying over the yet sleeping city of hidden passions and devotions.

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

Howdy! Saw you on the Want Some Reviews? group.

First off, I like the idea you got going here. You have some beautiful language and sentiments.

This is probably my favorite part for how it was written and the sentiment behind it all,
"She wanted to become his muse, but he became hers, he was embodied in between the lines every sentence she wrote. Every comma touched his eye lashes and every question mark linked to the enigmatic look of his eyes. Dots were feeling and filling his erogenic zones. He wanted to die but she made him immortal with the thousands of little letters on the paper."
(although I think you mean erogenous).

However, I do have to say there are some issues. This first part is a bit meandering but I don't think that's the biggest issue. I won't detail every which one but I suggest you read the work out loud to yourself because, after all, people speak in a rhythm. It's why we have punctuation, pauses, and phrasing. By reading this aloud, you will find the rough patches in the work. The problems are minor but they are a bit numerous. Just go back and do some edits and you should be fine. A tense disagreement here, a subject verb one there, and some misspellings hither and thither a forgotten word.

Also, gerunds, only use them sparingly.
"Soft music played somewhere in the background" is more definitive, confident, and more powerful than the passive "Soft music was playing."

But, all in all, this is a great first draft! I'd love to read the next draft!

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

"You are such a child he said, you don’t know anything about love. How it hurts, how it becomes boring after declaring passion towards each other."

This first part really got me hooked into your writing! It was an incredible read. There were a few tiny typos but other then that, it was fantastic! Thank you for sharing your writing!

Your Friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

[Aurorra Borealis]

Dear Lee Battaglia, Thanks alot for your review! This is my first time to actually begin writing and support means alot! Thanks again and will get the typos fixed for sure!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

You are very welcome!