Chapter One: Bald

A blond girl cried out next to me. “Be still!” he spat through his gritted teeth, pearls of spit staining the mirror in front of them. He struggled to still her. The razor fell buzzing on the polished floor. Her cry muffled by a muting hand. There were patches of bald, as a result of her unruliness. A trickle of red ran down her pink ear, where she had been cut. The officer’s lips disappeared as he pinched them together irked. He grabbed her hair in a tight knot, the roots pulling at the soft skin on her hairline. Was he going to rip her hair off instead? I felt my muscles tense. My nails dug into the solid chair, restraining me in my seat. 

 

 

I saw him through the mirror in front of me. He leaned in close by the girl, who was now begging to be saved. “Please, please, not my hair” she begged.

 

 

The officer whispered something in her ear. Her face turned to stone. The screaming ceased instantly. Her hulking, the only sound left, cutting into the tension. 

 

 

Whatever he had whispered to her, had been more terrifying than having her head shaved. The tears still rolled down her plump cheeks. She was very young. But now still as a statute, as the officer picked up the razor, straightened his black suit and ran it through her shiny mane again. 

 

 

I diverted my attention back to my own reflection in the mirror. The last strip of hair remained above my left ear. The buzzing of the razor was sharp and it gleamed in the reflection of the fluorescent light bulb overhead. The officer wiped it clean. His big hands had veins protruding, filled with adrenaline. His eyes were as grey as my attire, and the rest of the cemented division. 

 

 

I observed him discreetly from beneath the fan of my eyelashes. I despised him. Not just him but all the officers, the entire system. I imagined grabbing the razor from his clumsy hands. It gleaming under the bare bulb, and grinning pleasantly in the mirror as his eyes protruded from beneath his ruddy brows. And then, before he could blink, I would slit his wrist clean and deep. As he would rush to grab it with his good hand, I would slit that one too. The blood would gush forth like a hose, with every beat of his pounding heart. He would bleed out before he could get any help. 

 

 

My mother had told me about one of her patients. He had slit his artery, forcing her to write a report pledging her innocence in the case. He collapsed cool, from the blood pressure drop, and bled out in less than a minute. I could do it. But they would have me killed in no time.

 

 

The officer looked at me in the mirror and smiled politely. I hate you, I said in my head. But instead of frowning, I smiled back. Concealing my true emotions. The coolness of the blade touched close to my ear. It scraped my skull coarsely, allowing the cool air access to the bare skin. The nerve in my left ear twitched sending waves down the side of my stiff neck. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and recalled a quote I had read from a loose page in my book. 

 

 

“For if a woman is not covered, let her be shaven” - Corinthian. Surely it had nothing to do with this. That was mere coincidence, as such books were banned. 

 

 

It was the reason behind the third world war. They blamed faith for the divide in people. Said it was what caused the nuclear war. As a result we were now confined to this concrete prison, so they could control us. The only view to the outside world was through a few windows on the ceilings and halls. But they were so few that it was not every day you passed one. 

 

 

But we were shaven bald on the Emperor’s order, for we were a distraction. And we were implementors, before man or woman. We had not been performing as well as the previous years, thus he wanted our heads shaven. Only the women �" for the sake of the men. So that we could all focus on our performance. Yet I did not doubt for a second that it was meant as a punishment.  

 

 

My hair fell gracefully to the floor forming a halo beneath me. The tip of my soft nose had become sharp. My low eyebrows the only thing left that framed my face.

 

 

I reached up to touch my bald head. So smooth. Not a grain of hair left. My hands dropped to my sides instantly. The odd sensation still tingling on my fingertips. 

 

 

 

 

"Merry fire night!" Cecilia exclaimed to everyone on the street. Her short hair caused a knot in my chest. It was envy. But she was older than my mother. Not a student who needed to pass her exams. She could keep her hair on her head.

 

 

She was like an Aunt to me. Almost all the women were in this division, as they all knew my mother. We were also only allowed one child. That meant I had no real aunties or uncles. Or siblings for that matter.

 

 

She had not noticed me yet. Perhaps my new look was helping me pass. I did not mind, I was not much for forced conversation. 

 

 

"Oh, uhm " she looked at me twice. Then placed a skinny hand on my shoulder. The weight of it told me she was sympathetic. Her way of saying sorry that they shaved me bald, without alerting the cameras all around us. 

 

 

"How are you?" She smiled as if it was just a casual question. I knew she was referring to the shave. 

 

 

"It's a good day" I said, as we all did when something was not quite right. 

 

 

"Ah, I see." She slanted her pale eyes. I knew she did not really care. They only pretended to care because they loved my mother. Not me. I never reached out to anyone or asked them how they were. Only when my mother would see it polite to do so. Sometimes she would force me to go to their pods and greet them. But they were not my friends. We had nothing in common.

 

 

"Merry fire night" she cheered in an up beat tone, and rattled a stick with bells. 

 

 

"Merry fire night" I replied politely and forced a smile. 

 

 

"How are you?" I asked with my caring voice. "And how is Your daughter?". She was delighted. Perhaps I reminded her a bit more of my mother now. 

 

 

"We are all well. Thank you." Her hair was thin and swept over to one side. There was not a breeze in here moving it. Her pursed lips moved undecided. Just say what you really want to say. I thought in my head. 

 

 

"When is your mother back?" She finally asked, with a smile as sweet as honey. 

 

 

"Oh, I don't know" I answered honestly. There was never a specific time, other than "late" I said.

 

 

She wanted to say more but I assumed she had gathered that I did not want to stand and talk here forever. That was what she had my mother for. 

 

 

There was an excitement in the air. Everyone was giddy. The Emperor had chosen the perfect day to shave us bald. Thrash a child, then hand them an ice cream. All is well. 

 

 

Tonight was the biannual fire night, where we would all gather on the streets and watch the night sky light up with fireworks in a brilliant display. Mostly on projections along the concrete walls of our pods. 

 

 

We looked forward to these two days a year for the remaining parts of it. One midsummer, another midwinter. The kids were ecstatic. Running in and around our legs like bugs - everywhere. They were the true joy of these nights. Watching their faces light up was bigger than any light show.

 

 

I walked down the street, out of the way of a drone that dived too low, and brushed the soft leaves of a silver birch tree. The leaves shone perfectly, unlike the ones on the trees outside. In that beautiful way only artificial plants could. 

 

 

This fire night felt different. There were hairless balls of all shades, bouncing around in the crowd. Some had hands on them trying to cover their naked states. Every teenage girl was bald. Trying to disguise it was no use. Besides we were not allowed to cover it up. That would be an act of disobedience. Thus I just steeled myself, and walked chin up. Like nothing was any different. 

 

 

We had fitness class this evening, as we did every evening of our lives. Even on celebratory days like fire night. A scent filled the air around me. The semi-sweet and salty smell of popcorn made my stomach talk. I took a deep greedy sniff. It was the smell of happiness, the smell for celebration. Damned you Emperor, you will have me forgetting how I felt by the end of tonight, I thought irritated.

 

 

I changed in my pod, from my grey tunic to fitness clothes. Black loose trousers with a contrasting white top. Even this uniform criss crossed at the collar like our everyday clothes. I could not wait for the run, but more so the fresh air. 

 

 

Out the window were real trees, minor fields, and meadows. When I was little I used to think that if I stepped out here in the open I could really run away. But I soon learned it was not stepping into the wild, it was stepping into a dome. 

 

 

I always watched the officers jealously through the thick window. They were allowed into the dome most of the day for training. We were only allowed access for fitness class �" one hour a day. And even that was to a confined area. Perhaps for that reason alone I should become an officer?

 

 

There were not many choices. The domestic team consisted of those who failed their exams. Made up of cleaners, cooks and all the rest of the 'dirty jobs' as Sarah, a girl from my class, had referred to them. But I knew people who failed their exams on purpose because they would rather work as a domestic. They were a crucial part of any society. But I was not good with my hands like that. I always passed my exams with flying colours, even when I had only studied the night before. My professors thought I was meant for great things. I hoped so too, but not for what they had in mind. I did not want to be an implementer, or professor. Nor did I want to become an officer. I would be damned. But eventually I would have to choose which of my options I would rather be damned with. 

 

 

I could see the trees and grass, motionless as always, void of wind to wake them. They somehow looked dead in this unnatural habitat. 

 

 

A hand smacked onto the window in front of me, causing me to jump out of my skin. It was only just a thud from the soundproof glass, but it scared the living daylight out of me. It squeaked as it pulled off leaving a moist trail behind. 

 

 

Now he stepped into clear view, and so did a man of mirroring height from the opposite side. He appeared relaxed as he approached the man. Regarding him with scrutinizing eyes. His eyes circled dark from sleepless nights, I assumed. His hair was hidden by the helmet he wore for protection, so was his jaw. He was wearing all black. An officer. 

 

 

I observed the officers in the dome nervously. The dark eyed officer was relaxed but focused. Whilst the younger officer was tensed and threatening. He watched the way his opponent moved.

 

 

The young officer kicked high. I could almost hear the wind keening to get out of his way. But his opponent grabbed his leg like was it but a fly. And twisted it in one motion sending him flying into the dirt beneath them. A good fighter can already see a punch or kick coming before it lands. That was what the officers said. It was true. It was clear who was the coach.

 

 

"Good day" he said from behind me, I looked away like I had committed a crime. Facing him, I caught the brief shock that struck him, from the stillness of his fame, but he concealed it well. 

 

 

"Ready for fitness class?" He asked. 

 

 

"Ready as can be" I replied stretching my legs. 

 

 

He laughed casually. "You are always ready for this" 

 

 

He was right. I was. Of all people Malik should know, our mothers were friends since before we were born.

h

They lead us into the dome in rows of two. Officers were standing guard ensuring we stayed in line. I would always close my eyes for a brief moment and take in the smell of soil, wood and leaves. That distinctive smell that has this calming effect to a human being. 

 

The metallic stench from the high fence that enclosed our training area, was strong in my nostrils too. But I hated what it stood for �"Confinement. 

 

 

"I've got news for you" said the girl who always took second place. I looked at her crouched down ready to start the race. 

 

 

"Today you are not taking first place" she said with a hint of a joke. But we both knew she was serious. 

I caught Malik looking from the football court. The muscles in his chest peered through his white top as he moved. 

 

"You're right" I said to the girl and she moped surprised. "That would be news, because I've never been second best." 

 

 

She turned to face the ground, made the face of a warrior. My spleens flexed in response. Arms locked, in determination. Head straightened for the finish line. Go!

 

 

The wind that used to run breathlessly through my hair was now brushing passed every nerve on my bare skull, as I picked up speed. It made me think of running in the wild. Wind and cold battering my face. The sense of freedom was undeniable. They would always complaint after a race. They said it hurt, but it felt so good. My neck stretched, to grasp the finish line. I could feel the lines that protruded from the strain, like exposed beech roots threatening to trip you when you least expect it. I felt her presence closing in on me. My brain told me it was victory or death. The muscles of my chest pushed ahead, heaving me forth, when my knee crossed the goal, and my left foot came stumping down marking first place. Victory.

 

 

The hour had passed and we were escorted inside in lines of two again. Malik was right next to me. He was gleaming with sweat from his workout. I knew I was too, from the salt I tasted on my upper lip. My palms were sweaty, and I probably smelled mildly, but that did not stop him from giving me a high five once we got inside. 

 

 

"Merry fire night!" I said excited from the rush of winning the race. "I completely forgot to say that"

 

 

"Merry fire night!" he replied with his side smile, just as excited. 

 

 

"After we get changed, meet me at the window as usual?" I asked. All the people had already started running to get changed and claim the best seats for the night. There were always fights over the window views, we were part of the problem.

 

 

"Sure!" He replied and set off. But he had seemed like he wanted to say more. 

 

 

Malik was already seated by the window with his bowl and ice cream. Mine had already started to melt from the time it took me to decide whether I wanted salted or sweet. In the end I opted for mixed. 

 

 

“Hey what took you so long?” He asked when he sensed me approaching. 

 

 

“I couldn’t decide which flavour I wanted” I admitted. It was sort of embarrassing. But this was a safe place. I had always been able to tell him everything. He laughed a little to himself, but it still sent echoes down the bare hall. 

 

 

“Why does that not surprise me?” he said mockingly. His hair was combed back, and his face was full of light. He always made an extra effort on these nights. 

 

 

“Look” he pointed to the window. A young officer stood outside in the dome looking up at the star studded sky in anticipation. 

 

 

“I wish we were allowed out there too!” I said annoyed. I knew Malik felt the same way so he did not bother say it. 

 

 

“That is Chris” he said. “It is his first year after becoming an officer. His first time able to experience fire night from out there. Under the glass sky.” I remembered him from nursery. We used to play with him sometimes. 

 

 

He sat down in the dirt and my focus shifted to the logo on the back of his coat. It was the Imperium’s. A lauren wreath that encircled a rigid sun. It brought me back to the time that Malik and I were only kids. Back when I had been taller than him, now he was towering over me by a few feet. 

We had this argument about the wreath. I was sure they were flames, and he was certain they were wings. We had argued most of our childhood about who was right, until we finally had the sense to ask our professor when we started school.

 

 

“It is simply a lauren wreath” he had said. They were merely leaves. Turned out neither of us had been right. The sun inside was symbolic of the vastness of the Imperium. It was known as the empire where the sun never set, because even when night had fallen on one division the sun was high in another.

 

 

“I still think the shape of the lauren wreath resemble flames” I said, licking my melting ice cream. 

 

 

“I still think they resemble wings” he smiled back, scrunching on corn. He had already finished his lolly.

 

 

The wall lid up behind us and everywhere else in the division. Silence ensued the hall. I had not noticed until now that everyone had come to start the celebration. We were sitting crammed on the cold concrete floor munching away, as the screens lid up.

 

 

A groomed man appeared. They never showed the Emperor himself, as that would make him a vulnerable target to the savages that lived outside the Imperium, but he represented him. His quiff was high and you could look right through it. There were lights in the background and all around him. A real festive vibe. I thought of my bald head again. Don’t get carried away, I told myself.

 

 

“Good day!” He said in a voice rattling with excitement. The officers around us started glaring down at the crowd, but we knew what to do. We all rose like grey grass. 

 

 

“Good day!” We greeted back. Despite not being able to hear us, he waited for us to finish . It was more like an announcement than a greeting. If we said it was a good day loud and often  enough it might  brainwash us into believing that all actually was good. That it was a good day. A good life. A good Empire.

 

 

“Merry fire night!” He then exclaimed and we were able to sit back down again. All the faces around me lid up. 

 

“The day we celebrate that we have kept those who mean us harm outside our walls!” Everyone cheered, sending corn spilling onto the floor. The kids snatched up the dirty things and ate them before their parents could stop them. 

 

 

“Merry fire night!” he said. The message ended on the same note as he had started it. “And good day!” We all rose to our feet again, standing tall until the man was replaced by live footage of the night sky. 

 

 

 

Malik and I turned to look out the window. The first explosion happened. But we had not seen the show of lights that followed. We searched the dark sky, when they started rapidly one after another until they became indistinguishable and the sky lid up with the most beautiful colours and patterns. Roses, flames, suns and moons, all at once. His face lid up in the colours as he turned to me. 

 

 

 

“Have you thought about who you want to spend the rest of your life with?” he asked me with a tone much flatter than before.

 

 

“A lifetime is a very long time” I laughed back. But he did not smile.

 

 

”Why, have you?” I asked intrigued. The first query opportunity was only a month away or so �" not that I was counting. But there would be many more. One every year for the rest of our lives. But those who wanted children would start thinking about it now. After 35 they would not allow it, due to the complications. There were many other reasons too, which I did not care to know.

 

 

“No” he said shaking his head. “I mean yes. But I don’t know for sure yet.” 

 

 

“What? Who is it?” I could not believe I did not know this. He had never spoken of a girl to me. I thought we told each other everything?

 

 

“I said I don’t know yet.” He replied, clearly not wanting to take this conversation any further. His face was red from the rose explosion. 

 

 

“I wanted to tell you…” he began, staring at me intently. I stared back at him with a silly face. Why so serious all of a sudden? He ate the last piece and stood up. 

 

 

“There is somewhere I need to be” he said oddly. The only place he had ever had to be was here with me. Then he nodded before I could even reply and disappeared into the grey sea. 

 

 

I stared out at the fireworks before me. Why had he just left me? I could not figure it out. So I sat there, alone, staring at the light show. It was not even that magical without Malik next to me. I knew this fire night would be different.

 

 

Earlier that day Malik had asked if I wanted to join him and his parents for fire night dinner in their pod. He knew how preoccupied my mother was. But I had thanked no, because my mother would be home for this one. I had asked her to. 

 

 

The time was passing slowly as I sat in the pod, still waiting for her. A service drone had delivered our meals. The steam from the cooked lamb, roasted potatoes and turnips was starting to thin out. The number 710 was sprayed in bold black letters at the end of the pod between our beds and over the table in the middle. That was all we had on the wall of this bare cell. All I looked at whilst I waited for my mother to arrive. I stared at the three numbers until the food was as cold as the table it was placed on. There went my warm dinner. My stomach was begging me to eat, but I forced myself to wait. We were supposed to have this dinner together for once. Just once.

 

“Good day, darling” my mother said when she entered. 

 

 

“Good day” I replied like a good girl. But really I wanted to keep quiet. She noticed the tone in my voice, as well as my shaved head. Something that looked like disappointment and sadness crossed her tired face.

 

 

“You still look just as beautiful” she touched my head with a caring hand, sending shivers down my spine.

 

 

“I am sorry, really. It is just that I had to go and see Violet, she is getting old and I did not want to leave her alone on this night. And then I had to” I cut her off before she could give me any more excuses. However good they were.

 

 

“It is alright you are here now, shall we eat?” she poked at a turnip. Perhaps she had already eaten. 

 

 

“It is completely cold” she remarked. Well, of course it is, you made me wait this long, I said in my head. I mumbled yes instead. And again she apologized. I knew the perfect way she could make it up to me. There was something I wanted to ask her about. But first I wanted to fill my stomach.

 

 

We ate the cold meals, without saying a word. The fireworks were the only sound that dominated the dinner. She probably did not know what to say after she showed up so late. I did not want to say anything for the same reason. She always did this to me. If she had other places she wanted to be then she should have just told me, and I would have made arrangements elsewhere. But now was a good time to pose my question. The explosions were loud enough to drown out our exchange.

 

“Mum” I said and she looked up fast. A smile spread across her full lips. I wished my lips were like hers. 

 

“Can I ask you a question?” The smile quickly turned into a cautious expression. 

 

 

“Yes?” she replied uncertain.

 

 

“What exactly is out there? You know where.” Her head swung around on her neck as she instinctively checked for lenses around us.

 

 

“I do not know dear” she then replied apologetically, chewing on a cold turnip. 

 

 

“Are you not tired of having your whole life controlled like this? Look what they did to me mum!” I could not help but raise my voice. She shot me a furious look. 

 

The world in the west was barren land. Such were the effects of the nuclear war. The subject was taboo. Perhaps even forbidden. My mother always brushed it off when I tried to bring it up. It was only mentioned behind closed doors, and even then, they were careful. 

 

 

My father was the only person who had ever spoken to me about it. Not anymore though, for he was dead. He had also warned me not to believe everything I was told. My mother said it was better to live within these walls. The Imperium said they protected us from the dangers outside. There was a whole lot of preaching, from all parts. A whole lot of theories being shoved down my throat. I needed answers.

 

 

Then someone knocked on our door. Please don’t answer it, I begged in my head. She opened the door. A friend had come over to speak to her about something, probably one of the many problems he seemed to have. Like interrupting much needed quality time between mother and daughter. 

 

 

“Sweetheart, I will only be a minute if that is alright?” she said whilst taking her coat from her bed. The friend looked inside and waved a hand at me. How was I supposed to object now? 

 

 

“Sure” I replied in the sweetest way I could manage. She smiled as she tied her shoes. 

 

 

“Love you” I said on her way out. 

 

 

“love you too darling”. 

 

 

I knew she meant it, but she loved others too. What she did not mean was that she would only be a minute. When she said that, it meant I was going to sleep alone.  And so both Malik and my mother had left me forlorn, whilst the rest in the division were having fun and enjoying each other’s company. The explosions went off in the background, like a bad nightmare, as I closed my eyes and drifted into oblivion.