How To Make People Stay Away From You

How To Make People Stay Away From You

A Poem by Authoress

Disease, illness, disorder: nope, sorry, you don't work anymore.

I feel like I need to be unlocked.
But I also feel like I need to not 
be touched, because my worsts 
are all done unto me by myself
and I love them as much as I hate
them; without them I wouldn't
have anything to me to draw
people in.
Disease, illness, disorder - captains
of "How To Make People Stay Away
From You" - are failing now; they've
become a trend, a plot device,
and suddenly people think you can
fix an eating disorder with one
good meal, or depression with one
day not featuring any frowns,
because that's what they see on
They get angry when they can't.
So the love and affection you get
is temporary and ephemeral,
because you're not what they
expected you to be when they
tried helping you, unaware that
their methods and little lovely
words aren't therapy and aren't
But I could fix what I do to myself
so easily, I know I could. I could
throw out all my blades and start
eating again and keeping it down
and I could take my god damn
But I can't, because I have nothing
else to offer, and without all my
sadness and incomprehensible
anxiety, without the cuts on top
of all my stretch marks and my
stomach so empty and throat so
raw I pass out and cough blood
and can't sing anymore, there's
no percentage of me people would
be even vaguely, barely, honestly 
interested in.
I have no talents. I sing too much
but I have no reliability to it, I'm
not intelligent to any remarkable
degree, I can't draw, I can't dance,
don't even get me started on my
acting or conversational skills; I
try to write and s**t like this
But if I was unlocked enough to ever
say this out loud, the people who - 
through some fluke - have decided
that they love me would either leave
in disgust or urge me to get better.
But there's nothing good to get better for,
and I still feel like I need to be unlocked.

© 2014 Authoress

Author's Note

More of a personal confession than a poem.

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The feelings direct from the heart (y)

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Added on November 28, 2014
Last Updated on November 28, 2014
Tags: eating disorder, eating disorders, EDs, vampire, vampires, blood, self-harm, self harm, cutting, cut, depression, anxiety, disorder, mental illness, social anxiety, unlock, lock, locked, unlocked, self-hate, self hate



Avon Park, FL

singer/songwriter, half-assed youtuber, love lover, hug master more..