Atrocities of The Average

This is only part 1. Yes there is no edits made. It is as crude as it gets. I wrote this in a 10 minute state of self infused anger. I have similar thoughts that I'd like to share.

Atrocities of the average

An exposition

I only write when i’m pissed. I only write when I feel my thoughts are deemed writeable. Perhaps i’m just like everybody else, a voice in the head, a particularly strong one. Perhaps i’m average, maybe i’m just like everyone else.

Junior year in high school is the reason I think about people that eventually commit suicide. Not saying I’m suicidal or anything, (the whole fathom of self harm is absolutely ridiculous), but the craze of the year has me nervous to step inside a car with my own parents, who I’m supposed to love. My parents hold their meaning in the word itself, “parents”, they are people I rarely like to associate with, I feel uncomfortable around them, I feel threatened by their presence, I feel worried about transfixing to their wants and needs. Maybe this is just the everyday teenager “adolescence” stage. It must not be good. I want to feel a genuine connection with my dad, and be able to hold a meaningful conversation with him without smelling his intoxication on a Saturday night. I wish I could ask him questions about girls without worrying about his predetermined judgements and advice that he believes works for everyone. I wish I didn’t have to wake up at 10am with full intentions to sleep in but instead find myself listening in the hallway for comments made by my Dad about my sleeping patterns. I wish ordinary tasks weren’t met with exasperated looks of desperation, disappointment, and/or sarcasm. Maybe these are drastic wants, maybe all dads follow these mannerisms, maybe I’m just another plea in the unheard.

At least my mother is manageable and easily avoidable. I relate with her on a mental level very closely because we are (could, fingers crossed) on the same path to evident failure. A smart person with a strong need for self confidence and finds this through friends and social status. A person who was successful early on but never came through with their true potential, basically the person that says “oh I studied so hard for this test, when in reality they read over their textbook one or two times, with mixed in breaks and procrastination of course”. A person that has high expectations, puts values on vanity and high standards, sets high goals for higher education when the true outcome is some state college. Me and my mother are easily hurt, highly agitated, annoying to work with, tunnel visioned, and extremely self conscious. But these are just the regular nuances of a 16 year old teenager am I right?

I should have probably started with me but I tried to be ordinary, over critical, talk a lot of “fluff” to make me seem cooler and appealing. Sorry, but that’s the truth. I am someone who believes a lot but does very little. My thoughts are.. Interesting, to say the least. My mind is constantly processing, I see one thing, make judgements and conclusions, and move on. This personal voice i’m convinced everyone has is constantly talking and analyzing. But anyway, I’ll get more in depth about myself later, maybe I’m a genius, maybe i’m mentally insane, or maybe I’m just the everyday passerby.

Atrocities of The Average

Author's Note

Not edited, crude.